What is his problem...why has his personality changed?

[mskc0511]

My boyfriend and I have been together in a committed relationship for over 4 years. We are both somewhat young, I am 21 and he is 22, we are high school sweethearts. In April we decided that we were going to move in together after a semi-long distance relationship. We go to different schools that are about and hour and a half away.

 

I was fed up with the distance and said that I couldnt deal with it anymore, and that is what prompted the move. We have gone through continuous conflict with this new step that we are taking as far as family, work and school are concerend. There seems to be more bad feelings about the move than good feelings.

 

For the past few weeks, my boyfriend has become much more hostile and less understanding. Any time something comes up he automatically puts up a defense. I can tell him that he has hurt my feelings or something that he has done bothers me and his attitude is like,..."well. get over it".

 

We will be moving August 31st and I understand that it is a strenuous situation for the both of us, more so for him and I am trying to be the bigger person, but a woman can only be pushed so far.

 

I leave messages telling him that we need to talk, and he ignores me. I figure that this is not the time that we need to separate ourselves from one another being that in three weeks we will be living together. He understands that as well.

 

I just dont undertstand why he is acting that way. Is is me, or is it the situation?

 

His attitude is beginning to make me doubt this new step we are about to take.

 

What do I do? What can I say to him to make things right?

 

 

A confused one

[MaxPayne19]

I really dont think that the problem has anything to do with you, its just the situation. You both will be taking a huge step forward in life by moving in together. Hes got the attitude with you because he probably feels unsure about things and maybe a little rushed. You've got to meet up with him face to face and sit down to talk about it in a mature manner. If he still ends up acting that way the id think its a lot more complicated then just the moving part. Im sure he wont continue to be like this....everybody gets moody for a couple days sometimes.

[goddess23]

first thing first: its NOT YOU. however, the situation is causing you both to change. him more so than you (it seems). and because of the situation you feelings can change. and you're right you guys are young and maybe you guys have been together for so long it feels comfortable and almost like you have no idea what else is out there (i mean i always have this fear-ive been with my bf for a year and a half now and im 17 so yeah). so maybe he feels like he wants to see what else is there maybe its just getting a bit too much because of the distance. it seems like you guys need to take a break. maybe you should initiate it bring it up. be like "lately you've been very disconnected, maybe we should take a little break". you could even set a time frame so that after that period of time you guys can decide on whether or not to get back together. i dont want ot be a downer but it does seem to be completely exhausted at this point. talk to him seriously at least about his behavior, its not fair to you.

[Aueft]

I really dont think that the problem has anything to do with you, its just the situation. You both will be taking a huge step forward in life by moving in together. Hes got the attitude with you because he probably feels unsure about things and maybe a little rushed. You've got to meet up with him face to face and sit down to talk about it in a mature manner. If he still ends up acting that way the id think its a lot more complicated then just the moving part. Im sure he wont continue to be like this....everybody gets moody for a couple days sometimes.

 

Good advice. I'd say it's the situation as well. You're both in a stressful time in your life, just give him time to adjust emotionally to what's going on. This is a huge step for you both.

[whatfor]

yeah, in addition to what everyone else has said, - it is stress. Some people get annoyed while stressed, my bf is a good example, sometimes he acts totaly opossite or like a different person. It is very confusing just try to understand you are both stressed about the big moving, and see what happens, just keep being what you are - a good and caring gf. I hope soon you will be back to normal again.

[Shanö]

This is not stress, or the situation, this is him showing true colours.

 

You are right, consider this move carefully - this guy is showing all the stereotypical signs of being an angry controlling man. Right down to his very text book speech patterns.

 

Yes, im very sure he can be a lovely man too [they all can] but you cannot separate one behaviour from others - he will only get worse.

 

Nor can you change him, but you already on that dangerous downslide of wondering what you can do or say...

 

take care of yourself...

[DN]

Maybe it is about you a little. When you approach him about things, how do you do it? As a confrontation? - do you make him feel like a bad boyfriend because he isn't doing what you want? Did he feel pressured to move in together because it was you who couldn't handle it?

 

Maybe you need to find a new way to communicate your feelings so that it doesn't cause all this tension and he doesn't feel attacked.