Is this a rebound relationship?

[Jays Talk]

My ex and I dated for almost 3 years and we broke up in December. We were getting close too marriage however we got into a disagreement about her family and that was it. She said she didnt see a future for us and that we had different family dynamics. Within two months she already had a new boyfiend. It hurt me allot because while I could have dated I didnt feel ready . Im just starting too come around know but I still wonder. I just wonder how someone who wanted too marry you at one time could move on so quickly. My Dr told me it usually takes like a year too get over a break up. I just wonder how she moved on so fast. What do you all think. Thanks in advance for your replies. Maybe I was used? Maybe she never really loved me? I wonder

[Iceman26]

Grief is different for everyone, perhaps she just healed quicker than you did.

 

I am sorry to hear about what happened man, you will meet someone less lame then her. Good luck.

[goddess23]

hey well it does seem strange that she "moved on" so quickly. honeslty i think it is a rebound relationship, but the thing about those is that it could very possibly be the one or turn out to be a wonderful relationshp but i think its best to have moved on and closed that past door before moving forward. take your time, and do what feels right. dont look at her pace to figure out what yours should be. and it is possible she could have moved on but i highly doubt it considering the situation. this new guy is probably the perfect "distraction". and after time it may become something amazing for her but the chances of it being a healthy relationship are low in my PERSONAL OPINION. because after something like that i doubt she has truly moved on.

[Vert]

Jays,

Everyone has a different timeline for getting over breakups, but I think most would agree that 2 months removed from a 3-year relationship (nearly engaged, right?) is probably not enough. Anyway, you can't really concern yourself with it though because whether or not the new guy is a rebound doesn't change the fact that she's moving on. Why would she move on so fast? Only she knows that one, my friend. I've usually heard that it takes half the total amount of time you dated to get over a breakup (basically 1.5 years for you all). That's the "rule of thumb" but it doesn't necessarily take that long, and sometimes it takes longer.

 

Dude, I doubt you were "used" for 3 years. Did she end the relationship? I'm assuming so based on your description, but I figured I might as well ask. It is my experience (and that of most here) that the person who initiates a breakup has usually be thinking about it for quite a while and just needed something to justify the break. This person has usually been getting ready mentally for a while while you were hit with the news like a ton of bricks. I also believe that she did love you at one time, and probably still does to a very small extent. It is my opinion that you can't have a multi-year long relationship and stop loving someone entirely after that. You still have feelings for each person you've had a long relationship with regardless of how it all ended up.

 

A friend of mine put it this way once... When you have an emotional, sexual, or spiritual tie with someone that is considered a "soul tie". If you breakup, it's like taking two pieces of construction paper that were glued together and then pulling them apart. Neither piece is 100% the same, and in fact it leaves pieces of itself on the other paper. That person will always have a part of you with them forever and you a piece of them.

[heloladies21]

You're smart friend, that's the same thing I see. If they move on so quick I don't they ever truly cared anyways. If they never call after the break up, they never cared. They may never regret their decision, even if it's the biggest mistake they'll ever make. Don't blame yourself or feel foolish, because you were lied to and it's hard not to believe someone when you want to believe what they're telling you. Just see your ex in the proper context, accept who she really is, and do your best to move on. And be glad you found out about the real her before you did get married or have kids.

[1love2k5]

sorry about your loss man. i feel where you're coming from. i've been hurt sort of the same way, and i think all couples have their ups and downs. my advice to you is if you want to get over this chick, you should occupy your time or try hooking up with someone online or you can meet someone at your favorite hangout place. like they say: "it's always better fish in the sea." if you do find someone else, i wish you a lot of luck in finding that special someone. if this makes you feel any better, try reading a book, or hanging out with a few of your guy pals and if the conversation does come up, then ask for their opinion and see what goes from there.

[loveydovey]

Well, jays, this is what i have to say:

 

I wanted to breakup with an ex of 3 1/2 years, but I was also a firm believer that we could ultimately work it out. Things were not good those last couple of months of the relationship. And in fact, I think that I had emotionally left the relationship maybe about 4-5 months before it actually happened. He was the one who initiated the breakup after I sensed something was on his mind then asked if he wanted to breakup with me. So the decision was mutual but 2 months later, I got into a relationship. But the way it was for me, I had been 6-7 months without any real "love" if that makes any sense. Like someone else said, she probably had been thinking about it for a while or else wasn't really 'there' for a while and so to her, maybe 2 months of the grieving phase was enough.

 

But, (just a tidbit from my past) in my experience, my 2nd relationship did NOT work. It wasn't exactly a rebound relationship, but there were some things (that's another story) that went on that I allowed to happen because I did not fully heal from Relationship 1.

 

I don't know if that's the answer you were hoping for, but I sure hope it helped you out some.

[Bounder]

I odnt understand how you can let a relationship die and let the other person think you're still in it for months on end. that is so not fair! No wonder the rebound quicker, because they were selfish and mourned in the comfort of the relationship while the other person had no clue. That is why dumpers rebound quicker, partial selfishness.

 

And no, it doesntmean they are 'fixed' once they leave you (they may say they need to figure things out, and then jump in with someone else) but the issues they have dont go away either. You get a good chance to take a cold look at yourself and see if there is anything you want to change, or keep. They get instant gratification and may be doomed to make the same mistakes. Take solace in that. I am trying to, but I really dont want my ex to be in pain like she seems to have been for months on end with me without saying anything again.

[Jays Talk]

Your input is much appreciated. Guess in allot of ways its way better too deal with your pain rather than look for the quick fix. I think Im lucky we didnt marry or have kids, it wouldnt have worked based on how she acted, she moved on so fast and showed her true feelings. If she cared she couldnt have moved on so fast. Life does go on! Thanks again

G-luck too everyone out there who is dealing with all there feelings.