Nothing wrong with hating them!

[alphonsefa]

I know the proverbial logic of, you shouldn't harbor feelings of hate for the Ex, and that for the relationship to end both parties were responsible. Well in some cases that may be true and both parties may be responsible, but there are many cases where one person and one person only is responsible.

 

I'll pull no punches, I harbor hate and disdain for my Ex. I hope her life continues the way it does before she met me, fits of depression and mounting financial debt. I hope she loses her car, her house, and everything precious to her. Given her history, there's a pretty good chance I'll get my wish. Call it petty, call it bitterness, and it certainly may well be; but I have no feelings of guilt for feeling this way; for whatever hardships she will face will not be brought about by me; they will be brought about by the poor decisions she has made her entire life and the ones she continues to make.

 

Why such bitterness? Well it's a very long story. But to cut to the chase I was involved with a woman who had been dating a guy for six years, who treated her like dirt, brought about unspeakable horrors to her life, and tore apart her self worth. I showed her nothing but love and was always a positive force in her life. For my reward, she developed a pattern of breaking up with me and going back to him, then running back to me. To let that happen is totally my fault. But, I fell for the psycho babble of how she doesn't think straight because she was formerly in an abusive relationship; and I wound up cutting her slack, that I would've never done for another girl. Yup, I know I was the rebound guy. In my defense, after the third time she had come back to me, and then started to flake out once again, I flat out told her to go away, leave me out of the drama that is her life, and to never contact me again. I also told her that the Ex abusive boyfriend and her deserve each other, because he's sick for treating her that way, and she's sick for continually going back.

 

For 4 months there was NC between us, then I get a phone call to "see how I was doing". The conversation was kept strictly to our careers, hers and mine, and no personal details about relationships was discussed. She had told me that she had interviewed for a Managers position and she sounded excited that she may get it. Well I let 3 weeks pass, and I make a phone call to her, in the same manner as hers to me. I had no intention of trying to get her back, I simply asked her how she had been doing and asked her what had happened with the job. She didn't get the job and I got one word answers, felt like an idiot trying to turn it into a conversation, so I said, "sorry I won't call anymore, I just wanted to see how you made out with the job. Bye". So it was okay for her to call me and I actually carried on a normal conversation with her. I was nothing but good to this girl, and even though she may not want to be with me, which I can accept; I'm not the one that called her after 4 months of NC, and I never chased her or hounded her. Yet for my contribution to her life, and I think the biggest one may have been to have finally broken up her sick, twisted, relationship with the abusive Ex. All I received in return was coldness and disdain; from a girl I did absolutely nothing to. To quote her, "you are the greatest guy, you treated me better than anyone ever has". I was good to her, and to her 12 year old daughter, and always made it a point to as how her daughter was, regardless of what was taking place between us.

 

So yes I am bitter, and I hope her life continues to be the living hell that she has built it into. I guess the saying is true, "there's a fine line between love and hate". I don't need any advice about working on myself, I'm jsut fine, just ticked that I invested so much time, effort, and emotion, into a woman that never really deserved it. And though I am bitter, and most certainly will get my wish to see her miserable, and have every intention of dangling my success in her face; it's really just a hollow victory. Because in the end, no one wins.

[Jetta]

I'll be honest. I only read the beginnings of your hatred toward her. I have to say this to you. What you wish another you have wished upon yourself. I've done it so I know.

 

You need to release this anger you have. Yes one person can be mostly responsible but if you really think, you will discover areas that you could have handled differently that may have helped or hinder your relationship.

[lady00]

I think being angry and having a desire to see them miserable is just another way to stay emotionally tied to an ex and to make you think about them. Let go of the anger and the emotional connection to her otherwise you can't truly move on with your life. Wishing ill upon someone else does you absolutely no good, it just takes up mental energy better spent on other pursuits.

[SexySadie7]

I can agree with Jetta and lady... it's okay to be bitter about someone that treated you badly.. Believe.. i can feel your pain.. cuz i went thru the same ordeal with my ex.. i was soooo sweet to him... cuz i knew he had been thru alot of bad stuff with his ex...

And he did me the same way.... i was very kind and understanding when he would call.. when i called.. same damn thing as you... i felt like i was pulling teeth to get a normal conversation out of him.

This was after hours and hours on phone listening to him venting about all sorts of personal stuff he suffered cuz of his ex...

Did i receive the same moral support in turn?? Nope.. not really.. but you know... man... karma is a awful thing... you don't have to wish them ill will.. cuz the universe will probably take care of that for you.

It's a tough lesson to learn.. but just remember next time.. don't give more than they give out to you....

You want a balanced relationship.. not one where you are doing 80% of the work.

Good luck.. you will find someone deserving of your good nature.

Hate is such a consuming emotion too.. takes vasts amounts of energy... be pissed off.. that is good for you in a way... hating someone takes too much out of a person.