and so Where do we go from here?

[blackberry]

wow, it's like so much has changed recently in my situation. Here's the background on my situation:

- relationship lasted 3 years

- the last half year of the relationship, I got depressed, not knowing where to go in career; graduated from college

- she dumped me citing reasons of career, my independence, and distance (we had been doing LDR for 2.5 of the 3 years)

- the breakup was back in december

- no contact for a good bit, but communication has been a bit sporadic

- I've gone back to school to pursue a different field which will help me get ahead in my career soon.

 

- June 16th - my birthday...she gets me a gift, which kinda surprises me. in her card to me, she says how proud she is of me in what I'm doing (school, getting prepared for the future). Also, she inserts a "*muah*" in the card...(yeah, talk about messing with my head eh?)

 

- Communication is still sporadic, but the "communication" itself is getting better. It seems as if a little progress is being made.

 

-July 30th - her birthday...a few weeks prior, I was still undecided on whether I should get her a gift or not. I decide to be nice and do just that. I get her a few good things; I write in the BDAY card that "I only want you to be happy..." it was a good birthday for her.

 

Later on that night, we have this conversation. She seems to be remorseful, yet very sorry for what she's done. She apologizes to me, and tells me that she should have stood by me when I was going through my "phase."

 

We haven't talked since Monday, and things have been pretty quiet.

 

I have grown up quite a bit in the last 7 and a half months. My independence grows everyday, yet, there are moments of regression where I just yearn and miss her so much.

 

My question is, where do we/I go from here? I thought seriously that I should write her an EMAIL and just pour my heart, soul and guts out to her. But, something tells me that I shouldn't. I'm staying strong in the meantime, but of course I still LOVE her with the same tenacity and intensity as I always have. I thank you guys in advance for your replies.

[sonjam]

NO no no, don't write the e-mail. What is drawing her nearer to you is the fact that you are becoming independent, and strong. It intrigues her, and it obviously talks to her femal instincts of finding a good strong capable male. If you go and pour your guts out , you will shatter this new image of yourself, rather build on this. Be strong and independent, later when you have established either a new form of friendship, or a new relationship, you can let your guard down a bit, but you will never be the same person you were before, you are stronger now, better....

[blackberry]

I knew I needed a female perspective on this, lol. Thanks for the reply, Sonjam, it means alot to me. I think the thought of the email was just that...a thought. You're right...I would only regress if I do anything of that nature. I'm better than that now. 8)

[NJRon]

I'm just throwing in my agreement with what sonjam said. And, to take it a step further, it's been 7 1/2 months (which, though it seems like a long time, in a 3 year relationship it's not). You need to focus on yourself and not even worry about whether there's a chance for a relationship with your ex or not.

 

You seem to be getting your life in order. That's great and takes a lot of work. Be proud of what you've done and don't get distracted until you feel you are fully in control of yourself.

 

Another thing you mentioned is that you did an LDR for 2.5 of the 3 years... and that your were depressed the last 6 months. Does that mean that your depression began when you two stopped the LDR? No need to answer... just something to thnk about.

 

Best Wishes

[sonjam]

That's the spirit!