My gf's "feelings changed"....please help

[mynameisrob]

I kinda feel stupid for posting this because all of these other posts are about very long relationships and this was only 3 months but ive had this pain for too long now...long story so please take the time to read. im deprate for an opinion.

 

I was coming off being obsessed with this one girl(julie)...we were never in a relationship just friends...its a very long story but i couldnt seem to get over her and all my friends said i just needed to drop it and get over it and they were right. Well just my luck i met this girl (evelyn) who was very interested in me. I got to know her a little better and she grew on me. 2 weeks later we were going out (March 22nd). Well the relationship was awesome. almost no flaws at all we loved each other and were perfect for each other. Well the summer comes and like every summer she goes away to poland for 2 months. so the relationship (of 3 months sofar) got put on hold, at its prime. Well she comes back and dumps me. She said "her feelings changed" and thats all she told me. I was struck - i couldnt believe it, among other things it just DIDNT make sense. well over the period of 3 months i had numerous problems with the rest of my life, everything from money to getting in trouble with the law. It never bothered her at all. we are both 18. A week later i asked her if the real reason was if she didnt feel like dealing with my life problems and she just said no and stood firm on her original reason. after she dumped me she really hoped we can still be friends and we are we talk around once per day online and thats it. she never calls me anymore though. well its been a month since the breakup and i still have this deep pain. I have pretty much lost all of my friends for other reasons and noone to talk to about this. I know i probably should just move on but i think about it and i cant. its more than just tough because ive experience the pain before with julie and this just seems different, i cant picture myself with anyone else. Please help i dont know what to do

[lordfreespace]

I know what your going through. I just lost somebody really recently to and i know how bad it hurts. My relationship lasted 18 months, but mine ended with her just leaving me for somebody else. I'm 17, and she was my first love. It shattered me, and i'm still picking up the pieces. I'm mostly over her now, and I'll share with you how I did it.

 

First of all if you talk with her everyday, stop. You can't get over her because you are continuing having contact with her, and still bringing up memories that will just further put you down. You have to break contact with her. If you still have photos, and notes and stuff like that, i recommend throwing them away or getting rid of them in a similar fasion(i created a bonfire with mine and that helped). If you see her in the halls try not to look at her, or talk to her. Take another route to class and try to avoid her. If she asks why you arent' talking to her, tell her the truth. Try to spend time with friends, and your family. Try to mend your relationship with your family if you have problems, or strenthen the relationship you have with them. Try to keep your mind off her, and remind yourself that it wasn't meant to be. You'll find somebody who will stay by you, and who will not leave you. Just tell yourslef that she wan't the one, and that somebody else will be there for you. I hope you feel better, and that you can get over her. Good luck, i hope it works out for you.

[mynameisrob]

You're right, the talking with her is a big problem. Usually its her that ims me though. i im her about 25% of the time. For some reason in the back of my mind i have the thought that there may be a chance that she'll come back to me. little things combined are what gives me the thought. for instance our relationship was the second longest one she's had. her longest was with a guy that didnt treat her very well, where as i treated her the best out of any BF she's had (i know all of her bfs). overall, not to be conceded or anything but i was definatley better for her than all of her past ones. plus she's usually the type to always have a BF and in this past month n a half shes still single. I guess my mind has it if i break the talking i break the small chance...but ur right... im going to just slowly break off the talking, i will never start the im and if she asks why i never talk to her im just going to tell her i still have the pain from the breakup and this is the only thing thats going to help it go away, its not you. she will understand without getting mad if i do it that way.

[distressed]

please seek professional help. You have been hurt but are having maladaptive coping skills. You need to find better ways to cope. You should not be pushing away your friends,as girlfriends come and go, but friends are 4 ever. Your trouble with the law disturbs me too, pleeze seek help.

[mynameisrob]

My friends and my gf problem are completley unrelated. I had 4 awesome friends that are now not my friends anymore. One is whipped by his gf....never talks to or does anything with anyone anymore. The other seems to be friend with people when it suits him best, right now, it doesnt suit him to be friends with me so he decides he is not i guess. Another i happened to get into a huge argument over and now we hate each other. The last one dislikes me because i hate my other friend who he is best friends with. I also am on a suspended license. The combonation of all this and loosing my gf for a bullshit reason is why i am so depressed. i may need professional help in breaking off with this girl (who by the way was my first gf, but not my first love) but u seem to think my life does.....well it does, but it needs a miracle, not a psyciatrist

[metal911]

Please read my post from last week 'It makes no sense!!!'.

Same thing happened only with me i was with her for 2 yrs then one day 'i dont feel anything for you'. Thats all I got, its been a week and still NC with her. It didnt make sense, all I need is an explanation cos to me you cant just stop feeling anything for someone after 2 yrs. But remember, its not about you, its about what she wants and there is nothing you can do but force yourself to breathe, get out of bed and focus on yourself.

Its been just over a week since she left me, ive gone through my grieving and depression, trouble with the law, acting stupid. You need to do that its all part of the process so live in that. But eventually you come to a place where i am at the moment, I can look at it objectively and say well if I was in the situation that my ex was, I would of done the same thing, I would have hurt more if she wasnt honest with me. Look at it and learn from it, what have you learnt about yourself? What were your weaknesses that you can work on? Mine was I loved too much, unconditionally through all of her mistakes and didnt see what was in front of me.'

Stand back and live YOUR life. What can you do to learn from this?

[atelis]

Rob, it sounds to me like you need to start getting your life in order rather than worrying about girlfriends.

 

Most decent women are not attracted to problems.........only women with problems themselves are attracted to guys with problems. So start fixing some of these issues in your life the best you can and then start worrying about girls.

 

when you meet a girl and she has her life in order, why would you expect her to want to willingly get involved with you if you have numerous problems, particularly if they involve the law?

 

Do the best you can to sort out of your problems and focus your positive energies of that without the distraction that girls and relationships can bring