Is my lack of a boyfriend really a problem with ME?

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

I broke up with my boyfriend about a year ago, and in the past few months I have just recently been feeling like I'm actually over him. Even so...I'm still having problems because I want to find a new guy so much. I'm worried though, because there are a ton of guys who like me and want to date me, but none of them seem up to par with the guy I broke up with. I'm talking to this guy as friends again, but he definitely isn't interested in me. I think that I'm pretty attractive and random guys always hit on me, but even after all this time of not having a boyfriend I can't seem to find a guy that I feel strongly about.

It upsets me a lot because I'm worried that it's because I still love my ex, and I compare every guy I know to him and don't give them a chance because they are different from him. I want to be over my ex so badly, and I just keep waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet...but noone ever does. I've always been really picky with guys, and I guess my ex was my first relationship that actually felt REAL and serious to me, so I keep hanging on to it.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What happened? And do you have any suggestions for me? I feel like if I start dating the guys who like me that I have no romantic feelings for, I will be just be leading them on in an attempt to stamp out my lingering feelings for my ex.

Please respond. I'm getting so tired of waiting for my knight on a white horse lol.

[lady00]

I think that when you're still in love with an ex, it's really hard to date again. And I don't think that you should feel like it's been such a long time. When you have strong feelings for someone, it takes a long time to get over them and I believe that it subconsciously prevents you from getting attached to new guys because you are still being cautious with your heart even though consciously you want to have a new boyfriend. I think you should give yourself time. There is no set period for getting over love and moving on. And you can still love someone and move on to someone else, you just need to find a place for that love somewhere in the back of your mind. Let things flow. Don't put any pressure on yourself. When the time is right, you will see yourself falling for someone new.

[Celadon]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't have any magic answers for you, but from how you describe it, you're not even giving yourself a chance to get to know the guys who like you.

 

I know it's rough and you don't want to lead anyone on. But ... are you not going on ANY dates at all? Or are you turning them down after a few dates? I think it's best to give them a chance (lol - my friends would tell me to take my own advice!).

 

There's definitely a fear factor I think. You don't want to settle, after you had strong feelings for your ex. I think some of us are afraid to be disappointed, too. Like, we fell for someone and we went for it, and it didn't turn out. But ultimately, we gotta get back on the horse and risk a bumpy ride for awhile till we meet our REAL white knights.

 

Personally, I don't mind waiting for the right guy. I've got my eyes open, I'm open to meeting new guys, but I also have faith that the right one will come along if I'm patient. Take care.

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

Thanks so much for the thoughtful replies you all

I haven't tried going on dates with the guys who like me, but that's mainly because I really don't have feelings for them, they are my friends, and I would feel terrible leading them on...I can always tell when I'm going to really love a guy (big sparks haha and that just hasn't happened since my boyfriend, because it was such a big step for me relationship-wise. I guess I'm just being paranoid because I'm afraid to keep waiting for fear that it won't ever happen again...

[anita]

Believe me you will get there, it takes time and when you are ready your heart will tell you so. If your ex is not showing any signs of getting back to you then you should take that as a go ahead. you wouldnt want to humilitae yourself by clinging onto him.its not a good sight believe me. Take one day at a time, memeories will always be there to keep and put away after sometime.ofcourse because it was a big step for u r/s wise it will take a longer time.

 

you will be fine, going out more and hanging around your friends helps you to forget and get to meet other people. who knows you might just be on the road road to meet someone.

 

i also broke up with my ex, and it has been hell, he wouldnt call and i took so long to read the signals, until one day i called him and asked him what was going on and he couldnt say a word, tahts when i called it quits. ever since, because i didnt get a reason why things had gone that way, i called him so that he could explain, but i just felt terrible after that, coz he felt i was now fighting for him, so i just called it off for real, i get those feelings to call him every now and then but i keep telling myself..dont call that man and its helping for now.

 

gd luck, hoope all goes well

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

I'm really sorry about your ex, he sounds like a jerk... You're lucky you have that kind of will power though, that's great. The problem with my ex is that although he doesn't initiate conversation with me, when I talk to him online or call him up, he's just as nice to me as he always was, and encourages us to be friends. Sometimes I wish he would be a jerk to me so that I could really move on, but he's just SUCH a nice guy, and also wouldn't be able to stand anyone disliking him so...*agh*. I hadn't talked to him in about 5 months until July when I called him up and we had a good (nondramatic for the first time) conversation with him. I'm not sure if it's better to remain friends with him, or not to talk to him, because I've done both now and either way I seem to be stuck in a rut.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

I cant why did you break up with your ex bf?

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

It's kind of a long story, but the basic reasons were a) he was going to college, b) I was pissed off at him at the time because he was really busy getting ready to leave for college (he left the day after I dumped him yeah.

[Shidoshi]

When you've been alone for a long enough period of time you WILL become less picky, trust me. You have a certain standard now because you feel you don't have to settle for less, but what exactly IS less? Only you know this, and with time it will change and you'll become more open-minded as the need arises. Sometimes in order to find that knight you have to kiss a few frogs.

 

I personally don't believe in things like a "knight in shining armor" and "soulmates," etc. Human beings rarely, if ever, live up to these ideals, then again it's pretty subjective.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Icant basically you ruined a good relationship because you were too clingy

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

why do you say I'm too clingy?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

I didn't say you are too clingy. I said you were too clingy. I could be wrong, but your reasons for ending a perfectly good relationship seem a little odd

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

really? well...me and him had talked about how it was going to be hard to try a long distance relationship when he left for college, and he said he was willing to try it but he couldn't guarantee anything. Then he told me that it was possible that his parents wouldn't keep on paying for his cell phone after he went to college...and that obviously worried me too because it would be ridiculous to continue our relationship solely online, you know? and I guess I was a little bit clingy...but only in that I expected him to call me when I told him to and stuff...and just because I really liked him

....but like, he agreed with me that it would be hard to continue the relationship so I mean I don't think he was too surprised when I decided that...you know?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Icant at last you are telling me what happened.

Do you still keep in touch with him?

What was he like?

[icantbelieveimdoingthis]

He was amazing...he was seriously the sweetest, most sensitive guy I've ever known...really good kisser....hot....just an all around great guy.

The keeping in touch question is more complicated We didn't talk for a while after I dumped him, but then (stupid me) about 3 months after he left for college I read his friend's online blog and found out that she was going out with him...I got really mad at him, but then he told me he didn't really like her but just wanted to give her a chance because they were good friends, she had been chasing him for years, and her life was total s***. So I stopped talking to him again for a while...then randomly talked to him a few times but basically stopped talking to him for 5 months. Then finally I gave him a call a few weeks ago and he was just as sweet as ever, and I've talked to him online a little since...so I think we're ok as friends but, you never know. Also it's always me initiating the conversation so...I can't tell if he's still trying to distance himself from me because he's afraid something might happen or he's afraid of me or he just hates me. One of those haha. But whatever...it's all good I guess.