There’s this girl I like and I… oh, what’s the use.

[ShySoul]

This is another good point. You might just consider her state of mind is like battle fatigue. There's no way around it when that's what she's been exposed to for prolonged periods. All the more reason to quit procrastinating, yes? The longer you wait, the more crap she has to endure. And I guess one of the perks of being a gentleman these days is that you have to (get to?) rescue damsels in distress, and then gently help them come out of that trauma of abuse.

 

Yes, but it can also wear on you to be the one that wades through the mess that other guys have left. It hurts you to see them like that. I agree that you should go for it and help her through it. But you can only do so much, she has to be ready to respond.

[Miss M]

This is another good point. You might just consider her state of mind is like battle fatigue. There's no way around it when that's what she's been exposed to for prolonged periods. All the more reason to quit procrastinating, yes? The longer you wait, the more crap she has to endure. And I guess one of the perks of being a gentleman these days is that you have to (get to?) rescue damsels in distress, and then gently help them come out of that trauma of abuse.

 

Yes, but it can also wear on you to be the one that wades through the mess that other guys have left. It hurts you to see them like that. I agree that you should go for it and help her through it. But you can only do so much, she has to be ready to respond.

 

Yes, I totally get your point, and I also totally agree. In a lot of ways it can be a pretty tiresome thing that way. And I'm sure it's an especially disappointing thing if you've invested a lot of yourself only to find out that she seems permanently stuck in the past, unable to appreciate the genuineness you now offer, unable to move forward. I've observed that too and it sure doesn't look easy from that angle.

 

ShySoul, I hope you know my comments weren't actually directed towards you, (even though I seemed to be responding to you ). They were more for the other guys who were whining about being too ugly, that women don't want them. I've just been posting to give them another perspective that they hadn't yet considered. There's a whole 'nother world out there that can be explored if they're up for it, and they could occupy themselves in other ways besides whining. They only need to perk up, look around and choose something different. But you're also absolutely right; even if guys approach relationships with a new perspective, there are still other pitfalls as well.

 

And I hope you soon find that girl who's right for you before either one of you has spent too long in the trenches.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

…and a dose of incredible bad luck. Get those violins ready…

 

This thread was originally about a girl who I see every Thursdays when I deliver my timesheet. I talked with a guy in the payroll department and he told me that they are now switching to e-mailing timesheets, which means I have no reason to go down and see her anymore. I know what you're all going to say, "Just pop in and say hi," ect., but it is not that easy for me to do this. And being that she doesn't take the bus anymore, the chapter is closed. But I'm not finished posting here yet…

[ShySoul]

Miss M: I know you weren't referring to me specifically, and I think your advice is right on. I was just venting the experience I've had lately and you happened to be the one that said something to trigger a response from me. Figured you would say something smart to cheer me up, and it worked.

 

Kyo: Just pop in and say hi. Yes, its not easy for you to do that, but does life reward you for doing things that are easy? Your a clever guy, come up with ways to get to see her. And if I can get up the strength to bare my heart to a girl and tell her I love her, you can find it in you to say hi.

[suprema99]

Shysoul, it's lack of confidence if you worry weather she likes bad boys or not. . Cause your just proving then, your underestimating yourself right there.

[Jaela]

Kyoshiro Ogari, the chapter is closed only when you allow it to be closed. Work up that confidence and go see her! The worst scenario is that she'll make it clear she's not interested. Or perhaps she'll respond in a friendly manner, and you'll have made a new friend. You may also inadvertently brighten up her day. You will never know unless you take risks.

[ShySoul]

Shysoul, it's lack of confidence if you worry weather she likes bad boys or not. . Cause your just proving then, your underestimating yourself right there.

 

It would be lack of confidence if you worried about that for your sakes. But if you worry about the affect that it could have on her, how it could hurt her... then your doing something very noble.

[Miss M]

…and a dose of incredible bad luck. Get those violins ready…

 

This thread was originally about a girl who I see every Thursdays when I deliver my timesheet. I talked with a guy in the payroll department and he told me that they are now switching to e-mailing timesheets, which means I have no reason to go down and see her anymore. I know what you're all going to say, "Just pop in and say hi," ect., but it is not that easy for me to do this. And being that she doesn't take the bus anymore, the chapter is closed. But I'm not finished posting here yet…

KO! After being away for so long, is that how you're going to preface your return? Geez. I was hoping for so much more.

 

Oh, but isn't that very convenient for you? Now you have yet another handy excuse for why you won't get in the game. How lucky you are that you no longer have a reason to see that wonderful woman anymore! Of course what you're saying here is still a bunch of crap, but you already knew that, right?

 

Actually, if you weren't so keen on seeing yourself as a victim of circumstance, you could use this to your advantage. Just go find her and say, "Oh darn, now I won't be able to see your lovely face when I drop off my timesheet. I had always looked forward to that. So now if I want to see you, I guess I'll just have to go ahead and dive bravely into my fondest fantasy. How about joining me for coffee? Would you be interested in chatting with me over a cup of your favorite brew?"

 

... or something similar. I'm sure you have your own irresistible style and don't actually need me to script you, right?

[ShySoul]

"Oh darn, now I won't be able to see your lovely face when I drop off my timesheet. I had always looked forward to that. So now if I want to see you, I guess I'll just have to go ahead and dive bravely into my fondest fantasy. How about joining me for coffee? Would you be interested in chatting with me over a cup of your favorite brew?"

 

Brillant! (cough... Kyo are you listening... cough)

 

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Always turn a negative into a positive.

[Miss M]

Miss M: I know you weren't referring to me specifically, and I think your advice is right on. I was just venting the experience I've had lately and you happened to be the one that said something to trigger a response from me. Figured you would say something smart to cheer me up, and it worked.

Very glad to be of help, sir. The pleasure is mine.

 

Kyo: Just pop in and say hi. Yes, its not easy for you to do that, but does life reward you for doing things that are easy? Your a clever guy, come up with ways to get to see her. And if I can get up the strength to bare my heart to a girl and tell her I love her, you can find it in you to say hi.

ShySoul I'm picking up the clues here... you're feeling a bit weary, needing to vent, need cheering up after having had the strength to bare your heart to a girl telling her, "I love you." Okay, you're really breaking MY heart now.

 

Yep, I know, life just ain't fair sometimes, but we have to keep going anyway. Hang in there, friend.

[ShySoul]

ShySoul I'm picking up the clues here... you're feeling a bit weary, needing to vent, need cheering up after having had the strength to bare your heart to a girl telling her, "I love you." Okay, you're really breaking MY heart now.

 

Yep, I know, life just ain't fair sometimes, but we have to keep going anyway. Hang in there, friend.

 

Thanks friend, I needed that. It hurts, but it least I tried. So Kyo and anyone else in the same position, just try... you'll feel good for getting it out. And don't worry about little ol me.... somehow I feel like things are going to work our perfect (maybe thats the meds talking.... ).

[suprema99]

hey shysoul, there's been countless debates on here in the past over bad guys vs. the good guys. All I can see is there's different levels of confidence. A good guy and a bad guy with the same level of confidence, I think the results are the same. They will both meet girls. A good guy but said in a bad way from a woman, is a guy who's kinda like kyo in this situation. No offense to you here kyo, I'm just making a point. He's afraid in this situation, to approuch her for feeling ugly. Not giving her the chance to meet him to let her make up her mind. And if she says no. If confidence is lacking he will think it must be all about him and not maybe her. A guy who would have more confidence thinks, okay at least I gave it a shot and too bad then for her. I don't know her where I got any feelings so on to the next girl. I think I wrote before that to save yourself pain, it's best to ask a girl out before you get to know her too much. Shy you never post about this kind of confidence, you have women in your life. I think your extrodinarly nice to them, and you might possibly put them before you which makes them put the, he's way to nice to me, why is he going so much out of his way for me? is he needy, overprotective, jeleous? That's how I think girls think. I don't think they're used to the treatment so right away they think it's unusual and somethings wrong. But as long as she knows your doing it cause you know you don't have too. I think she wont have a problem with a so called, ' nice guy'. Back to kyo, you automatically just assume some stuff, and that thinking is the worst thinking. If it's not experienced you will always just assume the same thing for sure. I'm sure you already have reasons a mile long. But if you think it's a problem, try to do what you can to solve it. goodluck

[ShySoul]

hey shysoul, there's been countless debates on here in the past over bad guys vs. the good guys. All I can see is there's different levels of confidence. A good guy and a bad guy with the same level of confidence, I think the results are the same. They will both meet girls.

 

There is a different level of confidence, but its not as simple as that. A good guy and a bad guy with equal confidence will both meet girls, but the good guy gets more out of it as does the girl he is with. The bad guy will end up messing up or hurting her (and himself). That's why he's a BAD guy, goes he is bad for her. By definition the good guy is better and should get further in the end.

 

He's afraid in this situation, to approuch her for feeling ugly. Not giving her the chance to meet him to let her make up her mind. And if she says no. If confidence is lacking he will think it must be all about him and not maybe her. A guy who would have more confidence thinks, okay at least I gave it a shot and too bad then for her

 

Confidence is a complex thing. It's not just like he can say, "its her loss." That's why I always say to get comfortable with yourself and do things you like doing. That way it builds up the confidence. If she says no then its no one's fault, its just not meant to be. Yes, have confidence. But don't have arrogance either.

 

I think I wrote before that to save yourself pain, it's best to ask a girl out before you get to know her too much. Shy you never post about this kind of confidence, you have women in your life

 

I find that I can't ask out a girl I don't know, it's just not in me. I don't find just random girls attractive or would consider asking them out. To me I need to know the person first, talk to them and be friends. Then I notice something about them... maybe how smart they are, their humor, their heart, their smile. Being friends first is in my mind the best way to go, and I seem to find women who agree with me. So I advise using what I know and what's worked for me. Maybe I'm just odd, but I think it would be harder on me to ask someone I didn't know well. If they turned me down it would be like they didn't even give me a chance. If I'm friends with her first, at least I can be sure we will be able to hold onto the friendship.

 

I think your extrodinarly nice to them, and you might possibly put them before you which makes them put the, he's way to nice to me, why is he going so much out of his way for me? is he needy, overprotective, jeleous? That's how I think girls think. I don't think they're used to the treatment so right away they think it's unusual and somethings wrong. But as long as she knows your doing it cause you know you don't have too. I think she wont have a problem with a so called, ' nice guy'.

 

I agree, they aren't used to the treatment so it scares them. But I don't think I'm being viewed as needy, overprotective, and jealous. I think its that girls don't feel like they deserve it. If they are so used to the bad boys, then they don't know how to handle someone who is always nice. They get suspicious of rather or not the nice guy is genuine, cause they expect a guy who wants something from them. And once they see that I or other nice guys aren't like that, they feel guilty. What did they do to deserve that treatment? How can they repay the guy? When someone gets everything they have ever hoped for, it can be scary and make them want to run away. It's a tricky situation, and can be hard to deal with.

[suprema99]

Hey shysoul, first off I don't want to make it seem like there's any problem with how you are, cause I think you got the right idea. I think both parties in a relationship constantly try to protect themselves, cause nobody wants a broken heart. It takes a busted heart or in kyo's case maybe a let down to be stronger the next time. All that I can disagree with you is when you said I need to be friends with a girl first. I tried that also in the past. and it didn't work for me. And this is just in my own experience. I've seen both sides of the fence in relationships. Personally, I know when a girl is attracted to me and I know when she's not. So I feel good that I know this. We all have different experiences but I know we can agree that you at least have to try to give it a shot.

[ShySoul]

suprema99,

 

No problem, I was just expressing my opinion. I get that many don't opt for being friends and don't have a problem with those who do otherwise, as long as your being respectful and not playing games with her. I just think that the foundation of a successful relationship is a good friendship, so why not focus on that first? But you seem like an ok guy, so if something else works for you, fine.

 

The problem with protecting yourself from a broken heart is that if you get too protective, you'll just get a broken heart anyways from not taking a chance. So I agree, you have to go for it at some point. And even if you end up hurt, at least you'll know and won't have to live with the regret of "what if."

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Not to beat a dead horse with my boring problems, but I find it amazing that since I posted this thread, I haven't seen her at the bus or the job. I wonder if I am truly jinxed.