i have feelings for a family friend who's a bit older...HELP

[Tete1829]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new to this board and i think that the compassion shown for others on this site is truly amazing...

 

Ok here's my problem...My family and I have known this gentleman for a number of years. He was a teenager and i was a young girl when we first met at my dad's restaurant. He was always so nice to me and i loved to be around him when he stopped by to eat. When i was around maybe 14 i went through some bad things and stopped going to the restaurant so i really never saw him again until i was about 16. Around my 17th birthday i started to think of him in a different way. I developed feelings for him and it only gets worse every minute that goes by. I'm 18 now so i've been feeling this way for over a year now and i still haven't had enough courage to tell him and it's driving me insane because i really care for him and i want him to know how i feel.

 

There have been many occurrences throughout this year that have led me to believe that he has feelings for me as well. He owns his own car electronics business and whenever i need something done and it would cost around $200 to $300, he wouldn't charge me ANYTHING for it. Or when i see him he subtly hints that he's interested by his constant eye contact, his need to always stand or sit next to me, his staying and talking to me for hours and when he puts his face centimeters away from mine just to tell me something.

 

Even worse is the fact that i know i shouldn't feel this way for him...he's 29 and i'm 18 and although the age difference doesn't bother me i know it's not right (nor will it be accepted by anyone). My parents were born in Italy and my father is very very overprotective and strict when it comes to men, considering i'm his only daughter and middle child between two boys. He is a very intimidating person and the guy i have feelings for knows that my father is very protective of me. Another reason why i think he might be interested is because a while ago he stopped by when i wasn't there and was talking to my parents about how he thinks i'm "beautiful" and "independent" and all these other things (my mother told me he said these things) almost as if he wanted to see what my parents' reactions might be. Every time he comes in he says things about me to see their reactions. When my father is around he'll greet me by grabbing my hand or giving me a "high-five" but when my dad isn't near us he'll hug me or kiss my cheek. Nevertheless, nothing has happened between us and the cycle keeps going.

 

I want to say something to him, but at the same time i don't b/c i'm afraid that he might not feel the same way and my confession would make our long-standing friendship awkward. I'm also afraid that he may have lost interest in me or got tired of waiting b/c i got word that he was talking to someone else but i was told that the relationship wasn't going to be pursued. He has even mentioned this girl to me and it really hurt. I've tried not to like him but it can't be helped, so please don't think that i'm weird and that i like random older men. This is not my usual behavior. I just don't know what to do and i'm really confused so any and all advice would be greatly appriciated. I'm sorry that my story is a bit long and confusing but i'm trying to cover all points. Thank you for your help.

 

TeTe

[Heretic]

This reminds me of a situtation that happened to me not all that long ago. I grew up on one block my whole life... I've never moved once (well okay once but I moved back). When I was growing up there was girl down the street who I would occasionally watch and take care of. She was 9 years younger then me so I never even looked at her romantically. She was just a kid.

 

We hung out sometimes because or families were friends, and we became pretty close. I always looked out for her like an older brother would. When she turned 16 she decided she had to tell me she liked me. She was hoping I liked her to.

 

Truth was I never really thought about her like that, and she felt stupid. She kept apologizing but it wasn't necessary. I still wanted her as a friend and nothing changed.

 

I guess my advice to you is tell him. Things won't change for the worse. If he likes you he'll let you know. Then you'll have to deal with your Dad. I think what's important is don't apologize or feel bad if he doesn't feel the same way. That's okay, and if you don't act weird the friendship will last.

 

As far as dealing with your family? That'll take time and lots of it. Just be honest with them, (it'll be hard) and they'll come round. It will be very trying on the both of you.

 

Hope this helps.

[Tete1829]

Thank you for your reply, Heretic. It really gives me something to think about. I admire the fact that you didn't let the situation become awkward and you made sure she wasn't hurt by you. When I consider telling him, I always wait until he comes by to hint to him but it never goes as planned and i end up keeping it to myself. I guess in a way i feel as if i'm not "good enough" for him or that he could find better and i tell myself that there is no way he'd ever feel that way for me (thereforeeeeee i discourage myself) and it makes my situation worse. I don't know what i'm going to do and i hate that this is consuming me the way it is...

[Heretic]

You really can't let those insercurities grab hold of you. You have to relax and believe you are worth it, because as far as I can tell you are and he'd be lucky to have you as a partner.

 

Keep in mind that these feelings are common to anyone trying to start a new relationship and they are meaningless. It's just you trying not to get hurt.

 

You have to remember when life knocks you to keep on you feet and stay fighting. No rejection is worth giving up on love over.

 

Hope this helps.

[Tete1829]

Thank you for the reply and for the compliment, i hope he sees me that way

See, what i don't get is why i get compliments from guys all the time and yet no one pursues me...i'm still by myself (and i think that's what makes me second-guess myself). I don't want this to come off as conceited, but i'm not un-attractive and for some reason some people think i'm mean or stuck up before they get to know me. I just don't understand why i get all of this positive attention but no one ever acts on it...especially the guy i like and that makes it ten times more frustrating. My friends tell me that it's because he's afraid of making my father mad and i hate that they might be right. If that's the case then i don't think he'll ever tell me if he likes me.

If i may ask, what was it about the neighbor girl that made you think of her as just a friend? Was it her age or other factors??