A post for the optimists.

[misery12]

So I went to this party last night that my ex was at.. and I guess she might have made out with some guy in her friends bed.. but then he puked all over the bed, and the floor, and she ran out screaming.

 

I was talking to one of my ex's friends, who I am friends with too, and she told me that my ex said I was "obsessed" with her..

It seems everytime I talk to a different friend, they have something to tell me that my ex said about me behind my back.

 

You know what I say.. I said SCREW HER!

I've treated her like a queen and all of her friends have said that to me. I was the perfect boyfriend and this girl took me and my generousity for granted. She has NO feelings what so ever, and she treats mostly all of her friends like dirt a lot of the times.

 

I've talked to 2 of her friends so far, and both of them agree that she treats them like crap, but when their parents are involved, she's a nice little angel, and is fake, and puts on this nice act. We've ALL notice she's changed from the actual nice girl she once was.. and we're ALL tired of her bull****.

 

The sad thing was, I was planning on having a surprise party for her on the 30th.. because nobody else was having her a party (go figure).. and now she sends me these mixed signals (going to my cottage with me, and flirting, and then going to a party and being all over this other guy).

 

Last night, I ignored her, and barely talked to her.. everyone at the party looked up to me and my buddies because we're older than them, and they would follow us around and hang out in our group.

 

It was really sad seeing all these young kids drinking, and passing out and puking everywheres, so me and my buddies just left at like 10:30..

 

I am NOT talking to her.. if she talks to me.. I am going to say... don't talk to me. If she says why.. im going to let her know I know everything she's said about me behind my back, that she's an inconsiderate heart player.. and feels no guilt/no remorse for any of her insincere actions she does to me, and her friends.

 

I cannot wait to tell her that she's cancelled her own surprise party..

it's sad becasue my mom loves her, but I guess it's just her act she plays.. but when she's with her "friends" she talks about me behind my back.. despite the good times we've had, and how comfortable me and my family mad her feel whenever she spent time with us.

 

Even her sister mentioned that her heart is smaller than anyone else's and im believing it now. Her friends are starting to get a backbone and are going to stand up to her.. (they're choice). They're tired of the way she treats them.. and how much she's changed.

 

I hate how she talks bad about me behind my back, and when I confront her she denies it, because she's spineless.. Will she ever be greatful for the things she receives?? Doesn't she know that life is give and take.

She expects to get away with acting like a ***** to everyone, and ending up with friends... in this case.. she's losing one. I'll make sure she regrets her actions... maybe one day she'll snap out of this trance, and finally make a splint for her broken ego.

 

She told me she wanted to be friends.... treat me like one then.

There's my 2 cents.. anyone that's helped me through this.. here's the conclusion.. I told you I would keep my dignity, it would just take time..

Im not going to let some mid teen girl break me.. she's nothing to me right now.. and she will never be unless she changes for the best..

[chai714]

It's ok to be frustrated or angry with your ex. You're merely going through the stages of a loss. One thing though - don't talk bad about her to other people. It will make your life much easier in the future. You may not understand now, but you will later.

[misery12]

I understand,

but it's not as if I am going from one friend to the other, and grieving about my sad story to them.

They're my friends too, and in the same boat as me.. and I've never said anything hurtful about her to anyone.. I've only mentioned that she feels no guilt for anything.. which is sad.

 

They agree, the people I talk to about this, are the people that have been by my side since day 1 with this girl, and know EXACTLY how im feeling, and can relate because she treats them the same way.

[Hope75]

Mis,

 

It seems you finally have your answer, and that you have had it all along, you just needed to find it on your own.

 

Best of luck moving forward with your own life, now that your feet have finally hit the ground.

 

She isn't worth your time anyway.

[DN]

Always better to take the high road - you meet some good people there.

 

Glad the light has gone off in your head about her. Time to find someone worthy of you who won't take advantage.

 

Well done for keeping your dignity - now keep to your decision.

[Vert]

I feel you dude, I really do. My friends all asked me why I never dropped my recent ex-gf sooner, and it was because I just had too much tolerance for her nonsense. I see now how stupid I was, but at the time you think you're doing good by treating her like a queen. As my friend said, a good relationship is where you see the advantages of the other person instead of how to take advantage of that person.

 

A good, loving woman will not take advantage of your good graces, but instead will respect it and love being with you.

[cassiana]

Isn't it amazing that we never really see how selfish they are before they dump us. Then after the dust has settled we see what they are really like. My ex dumped me twice but then tried to make me sound like I had misunderstood him to our mutual friend. I hadn't been hard on him even during the break-up and here he was being unecessariyl cruel. Why is it that guilt makes people cruel to the people they feel guilty about being cruel to in the first place.

Also is our mind playing tricks on us when we are in the relationship or after it has ended or (as I suspect) during both?

[misery12]

I feel that while we're in a relationship like this, and also coming out of one... our tolerance for putting up with our partner's crap is so high, that we don't really notice how badly they've treated us until we've given them some room, and reality starts coming back to us.

[Hope75]

So true. It's amazing what you can see once you take off the rose colored glasses.

 

I'm happy for you that you will finally stop living in limbo and be avle to move on.

[misery12]

The one thing I realized though guys..

is, I'm at the point where I can move on..

The thing is, my ex IS nice to me.. when we talk, but I know shes said stuff about me behind my back, and I know I don't need to prove she's wrong, I KNOW she's wrong for doing that to me.

 

So where I stand is.. I would take this girl back, if she would be to start respecting me, as I do her. Because she's a nice, sweet girl.. but can have her moments which I got fed up with.

 

Do you think space is the right thing to do?? If she talks to me.. should I just play it cool?

 

She told her friend that if I was with another girl, she'd be upset.

You know that feeling you get when you leave someone, but you still have those ties to them.. Yeah.. I have them too.

 

I have my dignity, don't worry.. I know that if im not getting treated as I should.. I will walk easily, but what is the best way for her to start treating me with this respect?

 

Best road to take, I should say...

[Hope75]

I know that if im not getting treated as I should.. I will walk easily, but what is the best way for her to start treating me with this respect?

 

 

You are not being treated with respect. Now you are faltering and saying you would still take her back, and are still wondering what to do and how to act around her.

 

You can't control her. She dumped you. She hasn't come back, she's just playing head games with you while disrespecting you behind your back. Why are you still willing after all this to accept it and take her back? Why are you still wondering how to make her change her ways? Only she can do that, not you, and so far your actions haven't seemed to have any affect on her except that she knows she can treat you like dirt and you'll still be around, still willing to take her back.

 

Don't you think you should stop listening to your friends and do what you know in your heart is right and walk away from her once and for all?

[misery12]

That's the thing, she doesn't just do it to me.

She does it to her closest friends as well.. makes fun of them because she thinks it's funny, and all of her friends are sort of scared of her.. just because she can make people hate you, they say.

 

I know that if I walk, and her friends stand up for themselves too, she'll sooner or later realize she can't act like this.. and that's when I will start talking to her again. Is that stupid?

 

I mean, Why talk to someone who treats you like crap, but if they're sorry, and are willing to change and give you the respect you deserve, why not talk to them, and maybe hook up if you feel you can do it and keep a healthy relationship?

[Hope75]

I don't understand why you are willing to accept this sort of treatment from anyone.

 

Misery, she dumped you. She hasn't come back, she has left you spinning in circles wondering what hoops you need to jump through to get her to want you back.

 

You are allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat. A girl who does this to you does not deserve a second chance.

 

And just to let you know, insulting your friends behind their backs is not funny, it's immature and cruel, something you would expect from a thoughtless teenager who only cares about herself.

 

Why would you want to associate with someone who has already broken your heart once, and now continues to disrespect you in the most cowardly way possible, while being two faced?

 

Don't you think you deserve more respect?

[heartbroken23]

Start to be distant, avoid contacting her, let her do all the chasing...act aloof, and confident. DO NOT sweat her....watch what happens.

[misery12]

Thanks Hope, and heartbroken..

 

I am taking that advice, and i'm going to keep my distance from here, and not contact her until she talks to me. Also, im gonna act aloof as to where i've been and what i'm up to "gone out with friends" "gone out".

 

I know sooner or later she'll ask me what im doing, and who im going out with, and then i'll just say "what gives??".

 

Thanks a lot.

 

P.S- Her birthday is on the 30th, and im not having a surprise party for her anymore, because I feel she doesn't deserve one from me. So I think i'll just get her a card, nothing mushy, or anything.. just Happy Birthday.

 

She'll realize that this is how im going to treat her.. like my ex.