He broke up. He wants to talk. I'm not talking.

[Ripples]

Good to hear you are doing what you want with your looks. That is very important. As you say, why allow someone to mould you into something that suits their tastes if you are not comfortable doing it. My ex had me cut my hair short and changed my wardorbe. Dumbnuts here let her do it because it made her happy. Worst of all I felt that she wouldn't like me if I didn't.

 

Boundaries are so important and something I was consciously unaware of until recently. You on the other hand appear very aware of your boundaries, how to set them and how to maintain them and that is very healthy. Your strength in not acknowledging his advances is admirable. By not responding you are sending a very very strong message to your ex, more that words can ever say. I do think if either yours or my ex were genuine about a reconciliation they would move heaven and earth - loose canons down the wire will not suffice.

 

Regarding love, what I was trying to say was that she portrayed a version of love that she thought I wanted. She did it well but over time she couldn't carry on the act forever and the real ex and her feelings for me stepped out from behind the mask. Not knowing this made me work harder in trying to sustain the love but of course it was never there to sustain in the first palce. Funnily enough even when she was being loving, in the back of my mind I really felt that it was painful for her - I guess that is because it wasn't true.

 

You sound strong to me and I think you know your way out of the woods even if it is a long and slow journey.

 

If your ex did move heaven and earth would you open the door again?

[Akua]

Well, no. For several reasons:

 

I am never doing long distance again. For the next6 months, it would be long distance. After that he will be out of the country for another 6 months...where I know he is going to be stuck on a boat and miserable...poor guy. If he could only had seen what he was setting himself up for. To be alone and stuck on a boat. Bad planning on his part.

 

Two, I don't think that he has that personality I want. I mean besides all the stuff he did to me...he'll learn and change that (or not) and I have accepted that is part of his process of growing. But in general, I know that I just don't want some of those things that are very dear to him Without him ever saying those things I was perceptive to waht was really shining through and I didn't want that. You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy...you know? Again While looking at my reflection when looking at him, I could see him without him saying it and I knew just as much as did that we were different. It's amazing how 2 different people can love each other so much but come from 2 different upbringing and values. Both good, but so different.

 

And if he does start moving heaven and earth I woudl have to be skeptical just as I was skepitcal when he told me he loved me after 3 months...(how do know someone in that amount of time? BUt again I am SUPER cautious). He doesn't know that I feel upset about a lot that he has done in our relationship. He doesn't know. His reasoning for it all was that it was long distance and then all thezse other random contradicting commetns ehre and there with no substantial conversation about them. So he would end up moving mars thinking that was heaven and earth and I am just looking at him like he is crazy and he has missed the boat.

 

Finally, I know there are others out there. I have passed up a lot of opportunities bc I didn't want boys getting in my way and goals. And I was soooo afriad to get close to somone. Now I know what it's like, felt it all and can go after those gems that caught my eye. you see, my ex asked me out 5 times before I would say yes. I thought if someone would move heaven and earth for me then they were worth it. I realized those types like the game and I don't want someone breaking my walls down. I wanna take them down myself bc I like that person. I know I've said that before, but that is where my fault was. I let him lead the way bc I was afraid and fueled the game. And we both got hurt. Now I just wanna love.

 

My sister said when I started freaking out about if I should say I love him or not that she hopes he breaks my heart. that sounds mean, but I get what she meant. I understand it now. and on the flip side, that could also be a sister saying "this guy sucks." But I know she said that for my best intentions and I get it now.