Its been 3 1/2 months since we split its sooo hard!!!!!

[scorchio]

Its been 3 1/2 months since we split, n/c 2 months by me, its hard,

im missing my ex and her daughter sooooo much.

 

 

my mind is filled with what if's, is she with anyone else ! what she doing ! is she missing me or thinking about me !

 

want them back,

dont know what to do

is the time passed,a long time !

should i continue n/c

etc etc

[Echo]

It's been 3 1/2 months Scorcho...go for it. Just don't have any expectations...which I think you do, but that's my opinion.

Maybe you need to know for sure how she feels so you can get closure.

[misery12]

You're looking too far into this.

She chose what was best for her.. because she has respect for herself, she didn't WANT to hurt you.. but you're allowing her to.

 

It's how you interperate the encounters you stumble upon that makes up you, not what the encounters are. Think about it..

 

If you're only curious as to what she is doing, and have a desire to get back, but can live happily without her, then call her up, ask how her/her daughter is doing. But DON'T expect to gain anything. Call her, find out what you want, end it.

 

IF she wants more with you, SHE will contact you. She broke up with YOU, so the ball isn't in your court, if you push her, she'll pull away. The best move, is to not do anything, that way.. no mistakes can be made.

[misery12]

I'm also assuming she broke up with you, that's why you're so curious?

If you were the one to break up with her.. then call her, why not? What do you have to lose?

 

If you expect something to come from it.. you're better off not calling until you're emotionally stable to handle whatever she throws back at you, and turn it into positive emotions for yourself.

 

Good Luck, feel free to PM me.

[scorchio]

ahhhh

thanks all

 

its good advice

yes she split up with me

 

i just miss them both

 

wot tears me up a bit, is the fact that she did not fall out of love with me, she even admitted that when we split

[Echo]

Scorchio....to keep telling yourself she didn't fall out of love with you..is deluding yourself that she didn't really mean to hurt you, or didn't really want to break up with you. People say things when breaking up with someone as a way to keep the door open. It doesn not always MEAN they are sincere. I am sure she didn;t want to hurt you, but think about it...if she WANTED to be with you, she would. She has a phone, she knows how to call you. She can text you and she chooses not to. Actions...NOT words speak volumes. Take Super Daves advice...DO NOTHING...because if you do nothing you can't screw anything up or feel bad about anything. Work on yourself, make yourself better and move on.

[dstanzler]

Dear Sorchio,

 

I am right there with you. It burns so hard and so much... esp. a few days ago a friend called me and kicked me in the balls with a rumor about my ex and her new bf...........BUT ANYWAYS...........

 

I have been in the NC zone for over 3 months and the best advice I can give you is to do this:

 

She comes up in your head: her picture, her name, something symbolic you did together...... say to yourself "STOP" and then stop thinking about her. Think about nothing or something else. Don't torture yourself with whatifs. They will make you crazy.

 

I know how hard NC is but you have to stay focused on something. Do good deeds for someone else, work on your karma... that is all I can recommend. My best wishes again Scorchio.

 

Love,

Dave

[scorchio]

thankyou dstanzler,

 

yes its so hard, and yet good advice you give,

 

the hardest thing I find is, anything I have done wrong in the past that I have now changed or can show her that I have changed, is difficult because she is not too local to me, I am reffering to to the " showing her you have changed, bumping in to her and showing/looking positive etc etc"

can yi do that just by N/C.

 

Please all dont get me wrong, I am growing stronger through N/C, I have had alot to deal with, I am in Ambulance Service and have had to be involved with the bombs in London (by the way no text or call from ex to see if im ok in that time, which does hurt I have to admit as she knows I would have been involved in that through my job)

 

just I love her and her and her daughter, just wish she could see that,

how long does a guy have to wait, I dont want to wait for ever (im not silly) just wish she realised how much I did love them.

[scorchio]

This is so difficult,

 

I just want to text her, tell her I love her, etc ( I wont) just want to.

 

im fighting all the urges.....

 

theres no reason to say she would be with someone else after only 3months, but my mind is in overtime.

 

im sticking with N/C, but, well this is so so hard when you love someone so much,

wish she could see how much I love her, and yet she was so selfish to me.

[regret1]

Don't do it, Scorchio. It is verrrrry hard. I know...I am with you. I have been 1 and half week of NC. Guess what. He called me 3 days, total of 9 times, one at 1:00 in the morning and one text message. Is he missing me? I don't know and I am starting to not care.k He also called me on his birthday. I simply ignored all his calls. I did not even send him a bday card, emails, calls, text mess. NOTHING. I know you miss her. I do to. But what can you do? Even if she does call you, Scorchio, it does not mean she wants to be back with you. Move on...I know it is hard, but you must at least try. You are wasting your time. I treated mine bad, and I can at least make the first step of recovery. Why can't you. You treated them good. STAY NC. Just do nothing. Listem to other advice who has been in your same situation. There is nothing you can do.

 

DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE.

[stickman]

Regret1 is right!

 

When they break up with you, they are in control. THEY have to be the ones to call and express their thoughts to you.

 

My EX has emailed me twice in the past two weeks. The first time I made the HUGE mistake of asking how she was. She went on and on about how great her life is now. ( I was NOT prepared for that) ......How she has improved her finances and things at work are so much better. WELL, if her life was so much better, why bother to tell me? Why even bother to contact ME out of the blue? I'll tell you why, she is trying to convince herself how much better she is without me and how she has changed. It's a struggle in HER head. I know her better then she knows herself!!! (Her new boyfriend has to deal with her now! Most men wont put up with her for long. ha ha ha)

 

NO WAY. Nobody changes that quickly overnight. All good things take time. I felt better when I ignored her last email. I dont want to get sucked back in to her world when I am still working on ME and picking up the pieces. NO CONTACT works the best.

 

I am now dating and have meet several attractive ladies already. Sure, the first few dates were bad. Felt almost guilty and was not myself. BUT NOW, I am energized by the fact that I AM a good person and others now see what my EX cast aside like a bad penney.

 

Try to move on and STAY BUSY. Running and riding a bike work great for me. If you like to draw, then draw. Paint? Read?

 

Soon, they will be a distant memory. A chapter long since closed. When YOU are healed, then contact her and only then.

 

It's hard. TRUST me...I know. It's been 4+ months for me after being with her for over 4 long years.

 

My ramble for the day.

[scorchio]

Stickman, thankyou for your words/reply,

 

was reading with interest, and thankyou, I do value peoples replies and it does seem generally when I read other posts that the dumper tends to be in control but only at 1ST. And us, the hurt one,s become in control as we become stronger and the N/C continues.

 

The dumper then further down the line maybe feels regret or just deep down feelings,

 

But lets hope if that time comes around, maybe too late!

 

I do also understand like lots of people have advised me whatever the outcome, it takes time

 

 

Thankyou everyone

 

im still hurting

but im hanging in there, being strong

[regret1]

You see Scorchio, keep it up. I have not contacted my ex for two weeks. Addition to all the other calls last week, two days ago he called me 5 times (fifteen minutes interval) and a last one at 11 PM. I ignored all his calls, he sent me a text message: "can we meet." I just chuckled to myself, "for what." You see Scorchio, my ex never leave me alone. He constantly calls me, however, he does not want to be with me. Yes, I treated him bad before, but you have to realize if he really and truly love me he would give the world to me and also forgive me. thereforeeee, your situation should be forgotton a long time ago. She should have treasured you more, since, you have treated her daughter very good. Think about it, can a man love a child that is not there? She should have thanks her lucky star to have met you. Now, start dating, I promise many women would love to be with you.