Why am I always the nice guy?

[asdf]

Fact is, if you really are a nice guy, you wouldn't complain, because being a "nice" guy is something that you choose.

 

Some aren't the real nice guys. Others are just frustrated. Giving and giving without receiving in return is noble and good, yet it is also hard to deal with at times. In weaker moments its no wonder guys complain or get down. But perseverance pays off.

 

And its not like its easy to find the right person regardless of who you are. Timing and circumstances can work against you.

 

If a person is proud of their choice to be a "nice" guy, then they wouldn't complain. I'd say it's more likely that they're too scared to actually make a stand for themselves and let themselves be used, and that's the root of their unhappiness. If a girl is using them like a pushover, it's only because they let them to.

 

I know it's not easy to find the right person, let alone a good person. I think a guy will have to date several women before finding a good one.

[asdf]

Of course, the bitter guys just assume they are lying, but then thats their problem, isn't it?

 

alboy, read through all of my posts. I explained precisely why girls can go for bad boys and what ultimately happens. This got agreement from the women. It's all remarkable simple, and any one can fall into it. The key is how long it takes women to realize they are strong and can resist the lure, that they don't need it. Some don't fall into that trap to begin with, some learn quickly, others take awhile.

 

Some girls will continue going out with bad guys even though they've learnt their lesson in the past. It can become an addiction!

 

My advice to you is keep seeing her. Yes, she still has feelings for her ex at present, but the more she sees you she'll realise what a 'good catch' you are!

 

The addiction thing goes partly to the trying to change the guy, or because they still haven't fully learned their lesson. It's like the alcoholic or drug user falling into old habits because its easier then facing the truth.

 

Keep seeing her. That's an advantage the nice guy has. No matter who else hurts her, you are always there to comfort. You care about her and would never do something to hurt her. Eventually girls wake up to that and realize what they want has been there all along.

 

I disagree. Don't let yourself be her consolation prize, she'll only want you around when she can't spend time with the guy she really wants to be with. A girl like this isn't worth your time at the moment. If she's nice, she's, not ready to be interested in you, and you'd better get back at a time when she is.

[ShySoul]

If a person is proud of their choice to be a "nice" guy, then they wouldn't complain. I'd say it's more likely that they're too scared to actually make a stand for themselves and let themselves be used, and that's the root of their unhappiness. If a girl is using them like a pushover, it's only because they let them to.

 

I know it's not easy to find the right person, let alone a good person. I think a guy will have to date several women before finding a good one.

 

One, nice guys aren't pushovers... those are two separate categories. To equate them together in any way confuses what real nice guys are. Two, even people proud of being a "nice" guy can have there off days. After all, we are human. People complain about their job, even when they love what they do. Same thing. People can love who they are, but some times they get frustrated.

 

I don't think you have to date several women. Sure, you'll have to know lots of women, but you can find someone perfect without having to go on lots of dates or see many women.

 

I disagree. Don't let yourself be her consolation prize, she'll only want you around when she can't spend time with the guy she really wants to be with. A girl like this isn't worth your time at the moment. If she's nice, she's, not ready to be interested in you, and you'd better get back at a time when she is.

 

Your not a consolation prize, a nice guy doesn't view things in terms of a prize, second place, or anything similar. All a nice guy is doing in being there for her is simply being nice and doing the right thing. It's not pining away and putting all your hopes on her, its being a friend and being there when she needs someone.

[Caldus]

One, nice guys aren't pushovers... those are two separate categories. To equate them together in any way confuses what real nice guys are. Two, even people proud of being a "nice" guy can have there off days. After all, we are human. People complain about their job, even when they love what they do. Same thing. People can love who they are, but some times they get frustrated.

 

Your not a consolation prize, a nice guy doesn't view things in terms of a prize, second place, or anything similar. All a nice guy is doing in being there for her is simply being nice and doing the right thing. It's not pining away and putting all your hopes on her, its being a friend and being there when she needs someone.

 

I'm going to have to agree with ShySoul this time. I'm sure we've all had our 'off' days.

[asdf]

If a person is proud of their choice to be a "nice" guy, then they wouldn't complain. I'd say it's more likely that they're too scared to actually make a stand for themselves and let themselves be used, and that's the root of their unhappiness. If a girl is using them like a pushover, it's only because they let them to.

 

I know it's not easy to find the right person, let alone a good person. I think a guy will have to date several women before finding a good one.

 

One, nice guys aren't pushovers... those are two separate categories. To equate them together in any way confuses what real nice guys are. Two, even people proud of being a "nice" guy can have there off days. After all, we are human. People complain about their job, even when they love what they do. Same thing. People can love who they are, but some times they get frustrated.

 

I don't think you have to date several women. Sure, you'll have to know lots of women, but you can find someone perfect without having to go on lots of dates or see many women.

 

I disagree. Don't let yourself be her consolation prize, she'll only want you around when she can't spend time with the guy she really wants to be with. A girl like this isn't worth your time at the moment. If she's nice, she's, not ready to be interested in you, and you'd better get back at a time when she is.

 

Your not a consolation prize, a nice guy doesn't view things in terms of a prize, second place, or anything similar. All a nice guy is doing in being there for her is simply being nice and doing the right thing. It's not pining away and putting all your hopes on her, its being a friend and being there when she needs someone.

 

I agree that actual nice guys aren't nessesarily pushovers, but in the context of this thread, that's what the nice guys that are talked about here are. We can relabel the categories here.

 

The second point would be valid if the guy was interested in this girl as a friend. From the look of this topic, he was interested in more. And while a "nice guy" may not view it this way, it's how the girl views it.

[apollocreed71]

I have been told by women I am a nice guy, and they are right. but what i knew for years, was just reborn in my mind the last month. yeah, crazy, but i have met several women, and the time they want from me is just crazy, and the less i showed interest, the more the wanted me. i had one girl call me every hour, until 2 or 3 in the morning. man she was offering sex, and i could do whatever i wanted to her. i did not return her calls, and she called me more. no the funny thing, got a new gf, we get along great, conversation, etc. but i know i am too nice, but i cant help myself. i maybe need to be a little less available, cause i guess i know, if i keep it up she probably will loose interest. yet, another girl is trying to really get with me, and i hardly talk to her. man she is hooked.

 

what pisses me of is why people play such game, cant people be honest these days, it would make life simpler. but that is only in a perfect word. so i guess people will just get more screwed up as they experience the bs of dating.

 

guys anytime you get a chance to have sex do it. i do not know what it is, maybe a slight odor, but from experience, you will become more attractive to women, each individual to a certain degree.

[traz]

guys anytime you get a chance to have sex do it. i do not know what it is, maybe a slight odor, but from experience, you will become more attractive to women, each individual to a certain degree.

 

haha, I've also experienced this...I'm telling you, if you're sexually active, there's got to be some hormone you excrete that causes girls to be attracted to you lol.

 

The last time I was sexually active with someone, I had a bunch of girls attracted to me at that time and they didnt' know that I was involved with anyone else. Once I stopped seeing that other person, suddenly I can't find anyone to be attracted to me romantically

 

What gives haha ;o

[alboy]

I found out she likes some guy that calls hookers, hooks up with friends for booty calls and does drugs. Even though she told a friend that she doesn't like guys that smoke.

This girl is 26 so she's not a immature high school kid.

Go figure.

I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.

[Caldus]

I found out she likes some guy that calls hookers, hooks up with friends for booty calls and does drugs. Even though she told a friend that she doesn't like guys that smoke.

This girl is 26 so she's not a immature high school kid.

Go figure.

I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.

 

Then in cases like these, just stop wasting your time on her.

[alboy]

Thanks Caldus.

I'm definitely stopping. But I just don't get it. I feel like I'm built wrong. And my whole belief system is shattered. If she was intentionally being hurtful then I'd have no problem. But its girls that hurt me but seem so nice because they didn't do anything intentially that drives me crazy because I feel like I should still care about their well being.

[asdf]

guys anytime you get a chance to have sex do it. i do not know what it is, maybe a slight odor, but from experience, you will become more attractive to women, each individual to a certain degree.

 

haha, I've also experienced this...I'm telling you, if you're sexually active, there's got to be some hormone you excrete that causes girls to be attracted to you lol.

 

The last time I was sexually active with someone, I had a bunch of girls attracted to me at that time and they didnt' know that I was involved with anyone else. Once I stopped seeing that other person, suddenly I can't find anyone to be attracted to me romantically

 

What gives haha ;o

 

maybe the way you felt after having an active sex life was the change, rather than any excreted hormones (although i wouldn't count that out). if your mood is better, then you usually seem more confident.

[darkblue]

Pharamones are perspired when we are around people we are attracted to. There's no solid scientific evidence to prove this hormone has this effect on humans; but it does on other animals.

 

It may be a confidence booster.

[djedix]

I consider myself a nice guy... a little insecure, still a little afraid of being alone ( i go back and forth on this issue).. But i'll tell you this, my cofidence has boosted like a mofo in the past year..

 

Ever since the ex fiancee left in Jan, I have been just trying to completely change myself. In this time i've met/dated 4 girls.. I've screwed 3 of them up because of my insecurity, which has come from the fiancee. BUT all of these 4 girls have come to me.... And it's like what in the heck? What was i doing wrong the 2 years i was single before i started going out with the ex fiancee.. I don't know, but now it's just like girls keep coming to me.... and i'm like not doign anything other then being me? I never thought I was attractive, (the recent girl calls me hot lol). I mean i'm a very honest person, and i help people, and listen to girls when they have problems.

 

When it comes to wanting a girlfriend, I do rush things to much, for whatever reason, and end up ruining things. If i could figure out how not to rush into a relationship, and let go a little bit calm myself down..., then maybe i could have a lasting relationship.. I make myself to avalible for them, which I gotta stop doing. If i can master that, then i think i'm finally ready to get into a relationship.

[alboy]

Djedix,

 

How have you tried to change yourself? I don't know what's good or bad anymore. Did you still act sad around these new girls because of your ex fiancee or did you try to cover up those feelings?

[Caldus]

How have you tried to change yourself?

 

Forget about dating for a while. It will come to you at some point anyway. Continue on with your life. Maybe try out new things. Maybe get some new hobbies for fun. Maybe hang out with friends more. Just don't let dating put the rest of your life on hold. Over time, it will become easier for you to do this.

[djedix]

what did i do? froget about dating. Improve myself. all about me me me, make myself happy... Yes i want to be ina relationship.... but who cares... how can you ever be in one if your not hanging out, getting to know people OTHER people? you can't just expect someone to be like HI, let's go out! it would be nice...

 

honestly, every girl this year has come to me... I've not looked for one at all..... i'm up to 5 now. yes they all dont work out, but that's just the whole dating thing.

[asdf]

Pharamones are perspired when we are around people we are attracted to. There's no solid scientific evidence to prove this hormone has this effect on humans; but it does on other animals.

 

This hormone has what effect?

[FCTex]

Attraction..

 

They put a pharamone type of stuff in male colognes now. The higher priced stuff, and it's been proven that when women get the "scent" of it, they are turned on, or attracted to it.

[Caldus]

But not meant as your primary method of attracting women I would hope...

[ShySoul]

They put a pharamone type of stuff in male colognes now. The higher priced stuff, and it's been proven that when women get the "scent" of it, they are turned on, or attracted to it.

 

Odd, the girl I like says shes not into cologne or anything like that. She just wants a natural clean guy smell.

 

Pharamones are perspired when we are around people we are attracted to. There's no solid scientific evidence to prove this hormone has this effect on humans; but it does on other animals.

 

It's the attraction that causes the scent, not the scent that causes attraction.

[alboy]

Pheromones are actually unscented.

Sometimes they are added into colognes and advertised so they seem more appealing.

[darkblue]

Pharamones are perspired when we are around people we are attracted to. There's no solid scientific evidence to prove this hormone has this effect on humans; but it does on other animals.

 

This hormone has what effect?

 

I read of an experiment with moths.

 

When they took a male moth's concentrated pharamones and put it into a confined space with female moths. The female moths started doing their mating dances etc. It excites the females and makes them want to reproduce.

 

Shysoul - Yes, it is attraction that causes the scent.

[asdf]

the attractive part of perfume and cologne is actually that the good smell usually makes people breathe in a lot more, and hence more pheromones get through.

 

pheremones can increase sexual attraction but it does not mean you will definitely come off as attractive. it's mainly just a sort of signal to other people, and if you're horny, it'll signal "i am prepared to mate", but it doesn't necessarily cause attraction.

[darkblue]

I didn't say it did. I didn't say it didn't.

 

There's no scientific evidence to back it up, either way... with humans.

[asdf]

Pharamones are perspired when we are around people we are attracted to. There's no solid scientific evidence to prove this hormone has this effect on humans; but it does on other animals.

 

This hormone has what effect?

 

I read of an experiment with moths.

 

When they took a male moth's concentrated pharamones and put it into a confined space with female moths. The female moths started doing their mating dances etc. It excites the females and makes them want to reproduce.

 

Shysoul - Yes, it is attraction that causes the scent.

 

Okay, yes I know about pheremones, you just said "there's no evidence that pheremones have this effect on humans" or something, and you didn't mention an "effect" before, and it seemed like you were saying there was no evidence that humans excreted pheremones when sexually attracted.