Going Dutch, I'm appalled! I'm just old fashioned I guess

[Mun]

If he is attentive, considerate and consistent over time then of course he will earn the "goodies" like wastedtime said. The problem I see is that ( often) we as women want to cook him a meal, do his laundry and take care of his pets because we think --he is going to be such a great bf--when we've only known a guy for 2 weeks . Better to take it slow, gauge his interest and go from there.

 

We all earn our way into relationships.

 

My opinion is that a guy who doesn't want to spend a single cent on you, is showing you that he has nothing to offer in a relationship...and he probably doesn't like you that much either.

[dreamweaverdude]

Well personally,

 

I don't want my date paying her way. If i asked her then I want the responsibility. Especially early on, if this is a long term relatinoship or one well established then sure if she wants to chip in and help fine..... but guess its my culture and upbringing. Nothing wrong with women standing on there own two feets in life. THEY SHOULD.

 

But dating is like going fishing. Your trying to catch the 'right one'. You dont let the fish chip in on the bait... You buy it yourself. And losing the bait is the risk of the event. Corny i know.. but if you want to catch the right fish, you have to be willing to lose the bait...

 

For me... i'm paying...... if she wants to contribute... she can do that later on in her own way.

[wastedtime]

Well personally,

 

I don't want my date paying her way. If i asked her then I want the responsibility. Especially early on, if this is a long term relatinoship or one well established then sure if she wants to chip in and help fine..... but guess its my culture and upbringing. Nothing wrong with women standing on there own two feets in life. THEY SHOULD.

 

But dating is like going fishing. Your trying to catch the 'right one'. You dont let the fish chip in on the bait... You buy it yourself. And losing the bait is the risk of the event. Corny i know.. but if you want to catch the right fish, you have to be willing to lose the bait...

 

For me... i'm paying...... if she wants to contribute... she can do that later on in her own way.

 

I SOOOO agree with you.

 

 

Not quite sure I understand this. It sounds as if you are saying that if he demonstrates that he is willing to spend money on you, only then will you do things for him. Or have I misunderstood?

 

Muneca hit it right on the nose.

 

NO I am not saying that if he PAys for stuff he can win me over. Being reliable, trustworthy, sweet, considerate, honest, those are the goodies I am talking about.

[DN]

Cool - but why does he have to show those things first?

[wastedtime]

Cool - but why does he have to show those things first?

 

Well cause I need to SEE that he's got those qualities then I can open up more. I mean I have shown him some of those qualities already, I have a bag full of them. But if he doesn't share why should I bother? .....NEXT.

[DN]

I see - well, whatever works for you. What worked for me was letting people know what I was like upfront so that there were no surprises. Saves time and reduces the chance that people play hide and seek with their character traits.

[Shidoshi]

I'd love to have an "old-fashioned" practice to benefit from. You get to go on free dates and stand to lose absolutely nothing (but a small amount of time) if things don't work out. For women, it's a win-win situation. I doubt you'll find many who don't stand by this rule. Man, I wish guys had some sort of benefit when it comes to dates. Maybe we should be gauranteed a nice goodbye kiss at the end of the date.

[OceanEyes]

I guess I'm pretty old-fashioned in the sense that I DON'T CARE what it suggests when I cook and clean for my man. I genuinely like making sure that he eats/ drinks more in a day than a box of Kraft Dinner/ hot dog/ large bag of salt & vinegar chips and beer. For me, it has absolutely nothing to do with "equality" or expecting more in return. Since I'm going to be in chef's school in less than a month, he's going to be getting a lot more benefits where that's concerned.

 

Most women are nurturers by nature, there is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about a woman wanting to have her house a certain way, cook for her man, or fold his laundry. I think this whole 'equality' thing has been blown way out of proportion and as a result, most modern women feel segregated if they choose to do things like this on a regular basis. It feels good to make your man happy, and he'll usually give so much back in return.

[Jaela]

Getting back to the topic of 'going dutch', I personally always notice what a guy does on a date; if he buys drinks, gets the tab, opens doors, etc. But I do not view these actions as expected, instead I view them as acts of kindness and find it touching. I in return will buy HIM a drink, or dinner, etc.

 

When my friends and I go out, we always take care of each other. The issue is never about money. I know when I'm low on cash, I have my friends to fall back on. In turn, they fall back on me when they are low. If there is a concert we'd all like to go to and one can't afford it, everyone chips in so that the person can be included as well.

 

I do admit if I dated a guy who never payed anything for anyone other than himself repeatedly, I might begin to question the relationship a bit. Not because I expect special treatment for being a lady, but because I like to see people making the effort to take care of one another, even if it means making a temporary sacrifice. I view it as a type of karma; the more you give, the more you receive. Money is, after all, just money

[DN]

If these things that you like him to do for you are reciprocated in more or less equal amounts then that is fine. But if you don't pay a share in some way, or open doors for him, then you are expecting special treatment because you are female. And, it may be true that money is just money but that is even easier to say if it is only his money you are talking about.

[Jaela]

Yes, I open doors for him. I would open a door for anyone who is approaching behind me. And when I said money is just money, I meant more in view of my own finances. Although I do admit I would have a problem with a guy who could never seem to 'give', meaning if I was a couple bucks short one week and he threw a fit about lending money, I would seriously reconsider his values. If I was a couple bucks short every week, that would be a different story, of course! Then he has every right to throw a fit, since that becomes just plain irresponsible on my end. Ultimately what I meant was, I don't expect a guy to pay for me. I always notice the act if given, and will reciprocate the kindness.

[DN]

Yes, I open doors for him. I would open a door for anyone who is approaching behind me. And when I said money is just money, I meant more in view of my own finances. Although I do admit I would have a problem with a guy who could never seem to 'give', meaning if I was a couple bucks short one week and he threw a fit about lending money, I would seriously reconsider his values. If I was a couple bucks short every week, that would be a different story, of course! Then he has every right to throw a fit, since that becomes just plain irresponsible on my end. Ultimately what I meant was, I don't expect a guy to pay for me. I always notice the act if given, and will reciprocate the kindness.

 

You are an example for every liberated woman to follow.

[thechumbawumba]

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