my rapist asked me to marry him!!

[Jazz]

continuing from my last topic,"confusing plaesure in rape"

i took all your advices and am in the process of acting on them, i turned my mobile on yesteday, for the first time in a long time, i had 8 msg's and over 16 missed calls, i deleted all of them, and another one came in i opened it, and he wrote;

 

" you dont understand do you! this is love, why are you fighting it?? why are you avoiding me? you cant betray me. betray us! no matter how beautiful you are, no man is going to want you when he finds out,you might as well kill yourself. im your only choice, im here for you and i love you,MARRY ME!"

is he right? do i still tell someone? what do i do n ow?

[SadnConfused]

I am not sure what went on on the previous post.... DO NOT EVER OCNTACT THIS PERSON! Your life will be hell. You are too young. Do not even think about that message. I have a feeling you are bound for bigger and better things. Whatever has happened has happened. You do what you have to do and contact who you have to contact. One thing is certain... GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY FROM THIS PERSON! I'll call the damn cops!

[lady00]

is he right? do i still tell someone? what do i do n ow?

 

No, he's not right! Tell your parents or any adult that you trust. Tell the cops too.

[Taomagicdragon]

That cretin who dares to call himself a man is nothing and is lower than the dirt beneath my boots. He is trying to make you lose all faith and confidance in yourself until you are dependant upon him. Do not fall for this. Do not answer his calls do not open his messages. I am close to your age and have an idea about what knaves would do to get any girl they deem as weak. I say, let him call you what he wishes, he is a low life and is not worth his weight in dirt.

[Hope75]

I didn't read your last posts either, but he is absolutely not right and you should not be contacting him if he did indeed rape you. It sounds like he is trying to control you further by telling you that you have no options but to marry him.

 

Have you reported this to the police? You need to tell someone, an adult you are comfortable telling, or the police. He did it to you, he'll do it to someone else. You have to stop him. Don't let him get away with it.

[miracle29]

Being a Rape Victim Myself I am telling you that something sounds fishy. If you don't report him for this he will continue, and may even turn into more obsession and take your life or worse rape you again and again. If the rape was a brutal as most rapes I know of (not that any rape would be nice) but if it was that brutal, then i don't see any other option besides contacting the proper authorities. I want to know how he got your contact info. You are 17, how old is he? He is probably older and praying on you because he thinks your young and nieve. Maybe i read the post wrong but you said "confusing pleasure in rape" I'm sorry but I never found any pleasure in rape, and if my rapist was to dare and call me, he'd have five officers waiting to arrest him and put him where he belongs.

 

p.s.

bUT AGAIN I REITERATE, you sound very confused and hurt, please seek professional help, if he is a family member then go to someone outside the family like an officer. Rape is not pleasurable, never would be

[btbt]

I agree with everyone's advice most strongly -- stay away from this guy at all costs! He is obviously obsessed with power -- rapists don't rape just for the sexual pleasure but for the power rush it gives them. It will be impossible to have a healthy relationship with this guy. First, if he's raped you, there's a good chance he's raped or will rape other women. Second, you're whole relationship will be based on his power over you -- think of the sick, perverted ego boost he has from thinking that he got the women he raped to like him. The man does not have a twisted attitude about women. Stay away from him and better yet, report him to the cops. NOW.

 

PS - someone who is threatening you and attacking your self worth in order for you to be with him ("no one will ever want you") and telling you that "you might as well kill yourself" does not love you.

[BellaDonna]

no man is going to want you when he finds out

 

Did you save the message? In that statement he is basically admitting he raped you. This proves that he KNOWS what he did- despite what he told you before about how great he thought the experience was. Even if you didnt' save it, this is now more evidence on your side.

 

This outrages me.....to say the least.....There are many names I could call him- but they'd be edited. All I can say is that I don't think there is any lower level of scum possible on earth....

 

this is love, why are you fighting it??

 

He's INSANE.

 

is he right?

 

NO WAY! He is crazy. No one wants HIM which is why he is a sick twisted rapist that has to force himself on young girls.

 

do i still tell someone?

 

You most definitely need to tell now, more than ever. He is getting worse and worse. The longer he can do this without consequence, the more severe this situation is going to get. He does seem to be the obsessive type and seems very capable of hurting you again. Please tell your mom ASAP.

 

BellaDonna

[Jazz]

i tried to tell her but i just couldnt, i told my best friend, his 21 and is like everything to me, he was furiouse, i told him face to face, and i did what bella donna and homersimpson suggested and let him read the forum and he demanded to speake to him, he called him, that did not go well, i think he let his anger get in the way. there was alotof profanity and after he calmed down he looked at me he was angry and crying at the same time he didnt understand why i didnt tell him, i tell him everything, if anything he is the one that truly loves me. and when he realised the time that it had happened he blamed himself because he was visiting his family in ireland, he wants me to tell my parents too. but i cant. just not yet, but this is a step right?,well he wanted to take me down to the police station straight away, but i requested we go tomorrow. i still have all his msg's well the ones that i didnt delete and the recent proposal one. ill definatly let you all know what happens tomorrow. i just wanted to thank you all for motivating me to do something, i feel so much lighter. ill definatly let you know what happens, but i am still affraid of how this will turn out.

[Hope75]

You should go to the police today. The longer you put it off, the harder it is to gather evidence and prove that anything was done against you, and waiting to report it will be used against you in court, if you go.

 

You need to tell your parents and the police today. I know how hard it is, bring your friend along for support, but it's very important that you get this out and get this guy stopped before it happens again, to you or to someone else.

 

His attitude towards you is the scariest part of all this, he shows no remorse and is trying to further control and manipulate you. It's really dangerous, and he needs to be stopped.

 

It's in your hands now.

[BellaDonna]

i told my best friend

 

Excellant! I know it must have been hard, but you should not go through this alone.

 

this is a step right?

 

Most definitely. I am proud of you. Now the next step is to tell your mom so you can go to the police together, because you will feel even lighter when your attacker can no longer hurt you and he pays for what he did. I'm not saying the road ahead will be easy...but every step you take is a step forward and you WILL get through this. He should be held accountable for his actions.

 

 

BellaDonna

[volution]

This evil man sounds like a paedophile.

Please try and find the courage to report this 'man' to the police etc.

If you let him get away with it, then he'll most likely go after another girl and do it again, and perhaps worse...

Be strong... It is hard I know, my sister was raped, and she knew the person, but she was too afraid to speak about it for a year or so, and never went to the police...

[Jazz]

i went to the police station today, and i told my mum prior to going, she was overwhelmed! and in a state of shock, after an intense 2 and a half hrs with her, she took me to the station along with my friend, i was so afraid to walk in, i kept thinking that he is going to pop out of a corner and shoot me. i walked in and i kept thinking about what all of have been saying, and it kept me breathing, after we spoke to an officer, they had sat me down and made me repeat what had happened and i think that was the hardest part, just the repetition of the entire thing, they said that i might not have a case, unless i had proof and that i just cant go throughing accusations around and they also asked why it took me soo long.. it was horrible but i guess thats thier job. so i was contemplating leaving my mobile phone there because i still had some of his msg's on it, but i was told that they are going to pull him in for questioning tonight and now im afraid coz now he will know i told. will he come after me? what will he do?

[Hope75]

First off Jazz, let me commend you for being so brave and going to the police. I'm very proud of you for telling your mom and for going and reporting this guy.

 

I was afraid that the longer you waited, the harder it would be to build a case against this guy. I think you should let them listen to the phone messages, see if it helps at all.

 

For now, you should not go anywhere alone. if you work, have a friend or parent drive you to and from work. Do not go out alone. I believe you are eligable to file for a restraining order and despite what some people have said on here, you should. It may not keep him away, but it gives you legal backing should he come near you, and he can be arrested for that alone. At the very least the police will be watching him.

 

If he calls, do not take the calls, and let your voicemail pick up. If he's dumb enough to leave incriminating messages, bring them to the police. Keep a journal of every time he calls or tries to come near you, and get that restraining order! Every time he comes near you, call the police. Believe me, the more of a pain in the neck you are to the police, the more attention you will get on this.

 

This may be the worst case scenario, he may be so frightened by the fact that you reported him that he may stay the heck away from you. You'd be surprised how cowardly some of these 'so called' tough guys can be once they realize that you aren't going to put up with such treatment.

 

You did the right thing, and I am proud of you.

[Jazz]

something terrible happened! the police say we have two different story's, he told them he lost his mobile a while ago, and i was dillusional and obsessed, and he has never seen me before but i told them to take a sample from his .... because from the test they would have found some traces in me right? he was arrested but not for long, i think got bail post and the police cant contact him, and he is calling me on public phones and threatening me to drop the charges or else he promises to come after me. that he is taking me down with him. i know for a fact that he is serious, at this point i have no feelings left and i dont care what happens.

[BellaDonna]

Hi Jazz. Did you give the police your mobile phone which contains messages FROM HIM? Also are you saving the messages he is sending you where he is threatening you?

 

Save every message you get from him for evidence.

 

he is calling me on public phones and threatening me to drop the charges or else he promises to come after me

 

See if you can file a restraining order immediately and have the police tap your phone. Call the police each and every time he calls you and threatens you- see if they can trace the calls to find his location. You need ot bug the police so they make this a priority.

 

He is a very low piece of garbage- so it is no surprise to me that he is acting like this. He is trying to save his behind. He is going to say ANYTHING he needs to in order stay out of jail. Did you and your mom try to contact any advocacy agencies in your area? Do you have a lawyer?

 

Be sure to be in the company of someone else at all times. Do not leave the house alone.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Hope75]

I agree with Bella. He'll do anything to save his butt and that includes intimidating you and threatening you-- don't give in! You can clearly see he is dangerous and needs to be taken off the street.

 

Contact the police again, and see if they can tap your cell phone. Let them know he is calling you from public phones and threatening you, and get them to record the calls. Save the messages!

 

You do have to make yourself a pain in the neck with the police, it's the only way to keep their attention on this case.

 

And as Bella said, don't go anywhere alone. You need to protect yourself until you get this man off the streets.

 

Let us know what happens!

[volution]

Are you in the UK? The mobile networks here keep records of the locations of mobile phones - but only for a certain time.

Are you able to ask for police protection - they should be able to assist you...

[Jazz]

im in australia, and its hard to grasp the attention of the police because, they say they have many rape cases, or BIGGER cases to attend to but then again maybe this is just my area, i got results back from a test, i did get opne STD but its been treated, i gave them my mobile and they say that it would have been great evidence but he claims he lost his mobile, so they are calling the mobile sevice that the number belongs to, i think thats going to be useful, they think i need to start see a Phsycologist,and they i mentioned about the recent calls and they started tapping into my phone, and in a few wks my home number will be changed, and im getting a new mobile number, and by the end of this year we would have moved locations. i just dont want to be a burden to anyone so that they have to restruct thier lives for me. anyway our legal advisor says that, "the rapist" is going to think that i ruiend his life and he isnt just going to disappear, so i should not let my guard down. but i started getting letters which i didnt find out until yesterday.now they have a warrent for his arrest, because he lied about his personal facts to the authority. but i dont think they are taking it seriously because the actual rape happened 7 mnths ago..

[Hope75]

but i started getting letters which i didnt find out until yesterday.

 

What kind of letters?

 

This rape happened 7 months ago????

 

Why did you wait until now to talk about it?

 

I'm sorry, I'm sure you may have been scared or embarrassed. This is probably why the police are hesitant to pay alot of mind to your report because it did happen so long ago, they will question your motive for waiting 7 months to report it, and wonder if it's a revenge tactic, or some ulterior motive you have for reporting this guy. Sadly enough, sometimes women do make false reports to damage a man's reputation, and they make it that much harder for the ones who really do get attacked to seek and get justice. (though I don't believe this is the case with you.)

 

So they have a warrent for his arrest now...what exactly about his personal facts did he lie about, do you know?

 

Good that they have your phone... and these letters in evidence, though I wonder what they say? Fortunately for you, he doesn't sound too bright if he's incriminating himself by leaving you voicemails and sending you letters, so maybe you do in fact have a chance of getting him caught for this.

 

Let us know what the letters say, and if you turned them over to the police!

[Jazz]

what exactly about his personal facts did he lie about, do you know?

 

well i dont exactly know, my mum told me that the police were given miss leading information, about his whereabouts and personals and they found somethings that werent correct. they dont even know where he is, but i think he is probably with his brother, he talked about him enough, when i first met him.

 

Let us know what the letters say

i can let you know what they say 2morrow, i havnt read them yet, i dont want to read it without someone near me but after i do i have to turn it into the authorities, but i will def... let u know.

 

This rape happened 7 months ago???? ,Why did you wait until now to talk about it?

ur right i was embarrist, and i didnt want to deal with it, i thought that was now my life, he manipulated me, made me believe things like i had no future, this forum was the first time i spoke about it, i think u will understand it better if u read my other post

confusing pleasure in rape

link removed

.ill keep u all updated

[BellaDonna]

in a few wks my home number will be changed, and im getting a new mobile number,

 

I don't think you should change your number UNTIL you get another call from him. Now that your phone is tapped, you want to leave him the opportunity to call and threaten you- so you can use it as evidence. (I know it sounds crazy to keep the opportunity for him to threaten you open- but you need him to do this so he can bag himself). Seeing he's insane- he probably will call again while your phone is tapped- and hopefully it will be BEFORE the number is changed.

 

I'm glad you gave the police your mobile phone. Did it contain any of the messages he left you?

 

It's good that the police are looking into the cell phone records. The letters are also great evidence. Maybe he bags himself in the letters too.

 

now they have a warrent for his arrest, because he lied about his personal facts to the authority.

 

It's excellant- that he is such a bird brain and that he lied to the police. Now that they found out he lied about personal facts to them- it ruins his credibility and shows them that he has something to hide. That is why they feel they have enough to arrest him. I hope they can locate him to make the arrest.

 

its hard to grasp the attention of the police because, they say they have many rape cases, or BIGGER cases to attend to

 

Don't let them put this on the back burner. Be persistent. It is their DUTY To help the public and victims of crimes and bring criminals to justice. If you bug them enough- they will listen. They do sound like that have taken some active measures to help, but you have to keep on them. Don't let them FORGET you. Sometimes that happens as new cases come in. Persistance is key.

 

BellaDonna

[Jazz]

he was caught.. and later and tried to commit suicide, now his been hospitalized, he is going 2 plea insanity i know it,im sorry i havnt been on for a while, i feel robbed, and im out of words.

[Hope75]

OMG that's so scary!

 

He really sounds like he's sick and needs help. hopefully he will get it, and be kept off the streets.

 

Is he under supervision at the hospital and then being taken to jail after he's released? How did he try to attempt suicide?

[Jazz]

How did he try to attempt suicide?

 

he o/d on pills, he was at his brothers house. yea, he said he was sorry, apparently at the hospital he told them how sorry he was and was asking if they could pass an apology to me, he had alot of things to say, i still think its an excuse no to go, do i still press charges?