Need an outsiders point of view! Thanks!!!

[jnelson]

I'm looking for an outsider's view as it is sometimes hard to see what's going on when you're involved in the situation yourself.....

 

Dated girl for 5-6 years...last year or so have been on and off....I should also add that the last 2 years of those 5-6 were long distance....neither have us have dated during our time off...

 

Now my schooling has taken me to a nearby city where we could easily be together. When she first found out I was going to be near her in September she was really excited and said she wants the give things another try and she misses me etc....

 

Here is the problem... we have basically been apart from each other (living in different cities - 1000 miles away) for the last 3 years....she says she wants to be together but now she is acting strange. We are currently lilving in different cities for the summer (we'll be in the same city come September) and she claims shes "too busy" to call as shes working nearly 70 hours a week.

 

After a month of NC which I initiated (I'm not interested in any sort of relationship with her if she is "too busy" - if someone is important enough to you, you will make time for them) she calls today. She called me regarding a text message which I did not send at all...the text said something about being in another city or something, I have no idea where she got it from, I didn't send it. Anyway, she told me to do my own thing this summer and to "keep in touch" and we'll talk about us in September.

 

She loves to play these games where she comes and goes on her terms and I've pretty much had enough of them. I still really care for her but I don't know what to do. If she can't take the time to call me even once a week or let me know when she has time off to possibly see each other, I have no idea how she honestly thinks I should be waiting to give this a try in September.

 

It's pretty frustrating...she turns into a completely different person in the summer. I guarantee she will be calling me in tears come first week of September but I'm not sure what to do. Am I asking for too much here? I would get back together with her now but I feel she is not showing me any respect and I don't want to deal with it anymore. What would you do?

[DN]

I would find someone who has time for me. It seems as if she wants to do her own thing over the summer and then have you to fall back on in September. This is not the way you treat someone with whom you want to have any sort of serious relationship.

[jnelson]

I'm not sure what to think...even if she is working 70 hours a week that still leaves plenty of time for a quick phone call here and there....I don't think there is another person involved but I could be completely wrong..thats just a feeling I have....

 

What would you do come September then? I do still really like her...but I'm torn on this...

[DN]

Well, if I had found someone else she wouldn't be an issue.

 

If you really want her, then you should not wait until September. Call her up and tell her that it's now or never. Either you get back together in a proper relationship (with acknowledgment by you of her 70 hrs a week work schedule) or you won't be getting back together at all.

 

Bottom line - decide what you want from her and ask her for that. If she can't or won't give it to you then walk away.

[studygirl]

I have been in a long distance relationship before and one of the things that is really tough is the change from having your schedule be completely up to you to having it include someone else. Right now she may be scared that the ideas that she has about your relationship in her mind are going to be different once you are around all the time. When you have a relationship long distance, you get used to having your independence and doing things on your own terms. She is probably scared about having to restructure her life to be with you. Maybe let her know that you aren't expecting any huge changes to come from her in your relationship with her right now. Let her know that you want to spend time with her but you are not going to smother her (expect her to be with you 24/7, want to go out with her every night). I wouldn't make a drastic decision right now, just go with the flow and see where it takes you. Especially if you have been on and off the past year, it probably won't be that different.

Good luck!

[Vert]

I feel your pain buddy. It sucks when you put forth effort to be with someone, and they play the aloof game as if you're like some movie they can catch when they feel like seeing it. My recent ex-gf is like that, and to this day she still does the same thing so I have decided to let her go. That is what you need to do as well.

 

A friend once said this to me as well -- if you even think that this person has you on a hook then you need to break that bind immediately.

[jnelson]

Good advice...I think you may be right...it's just a hard thing to do when they continutally tell you what you want to hear.

 

I think I am going to tell her straight up what I want/expect in a relationship from her or anyone for that matter and if she can't find time for me then I think I have my answer......

 

Kind of ironic how she told me on the phone yesterday to "keep in touch"...Hah..that's what I've been suggestiing the entire time...yet she can't seem to make a call once or twice a week.....