Need help with this one, any advice? What would you do?

[TODD4126]

Hi All,

 

This is my first post and am in a really in an awkward situation and looking for some advice. I was dating a girl for a year and a half and we just broke up like a week ago. The last thing she said to me was that she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again and to leave her alone forever. I don't know yet if that was out of anger or she really meant it? I still love her dearly. Now here's the delimma, I just found out her dad just died this week from cancer and I haven't talked to her in a week. Do I call her and give her my condolences? Do I just write a letter to her? She is sure not gonna call me about this. i heard from a friend that knows her about her dad, that's how i found out. . And also, do i goto the wake and funeral. do i just goto the wake and not the funeral or do I not do anything? Please help, Any advice would be greatful......I'm so hurt and confused right now. I have no idea what to do.....

 

Thanks,

 

Heart broken

[Dannysgirl]

May I ask why you broke up? In any event I think it would be appropriate to send a card and maybe a letter telling her how sorry you are. Attending the funeral is really dependent on why you broke up in my opinion.

[TODD4126]

we broke up because I have some issues to take care of from my childhood and not ready to love right now. I have no self esteem and act like a child. My child hood haunts me right now and I need to grow up. and she can't deal with my childish behavior. I need to mature. It wasn't like it was a violent relationship. It just got bad at the end when we just couldn't talk anymore.

 

Is there a reason that i shouldn't goto the wake or funeral?

[Dannysgirl]

No I was just wondering if there was any infidenlity involved or anything. Seeing as you were with her for that amount of time and presumably knew her parents pretty well, I don't think it would be out of place to go to the wake. I don't think its a good idea to turn up at the funeral itself because that will probably be just family and might make your ex very uncomfortable. I would definitely drop by the wake and drop off a card for her and her mother and give them your condolences. If things are really strained between you I would just do that and then leave, at least she will know that you care.

[TODD4126]

Should i ask my friend who knows her if he would ask her if she would feel uncomftable if I go to the funeral? That way if she saids yes, i know forsure that i shouldn't go?

[Dannysgirl]

Its worth a try. Why did she say she hated you? Were you the one who broke it off? Do you think she might have calmed down a bit now?

[TODD4126]

Because I REALLy pissed her off and kind of brought it upon myself. I still think it was purely out of anger, She said i bring out the worse in her. i guess time will tell on that, but I'm still a little shaky on what to do. i was kinda close to her family when we were going out. But she might feel uncomftable if I am there. I think i'll have my friend ask her. This way I am not gonna sit and wonder gee what if. i just hope it's the right decision. I'm hoping maybe it will show that I still care and trying to be mature about the situation. I guess she can't hate me anymore if i'm willing to ask her to goto the funeral......

[PB]

It difficult to know what to do in these situations.

 

I broke up with my ex one week before her favorite aunt died (I felt that she was falling in love with someone else and that she was probably going to break up with me).

 

Well, I did not go to the funeral or wake (it was 250 miles away and I was mad at her). Her new "friend" showed up (of course he lived there and it was easier for him) and comforted her etc... She told me later that this was one of the deciding factors in choosing him over me (after I attempted to win her back). It hurt her that I did not go.

[TODD4126]

That's why I want to go, if not for getting back together persay, but to just show i'm not a scumbag that she remembers about me. But more like respect and show I hurt with her and that I am here for her even if she chooses not to confide in me. Oh I wish i knew what to do???????

[smallworld]

Go. If you were close to her family and you both broke up over your immaturity, what better way to show her you care and that you're maturing? As a female, I can't tell you how much it'd mean to me if an Ex showed up at my parent's funeral - despite everything that had gone on between us - just because he wanted to be there for me.

 

Ultimately it's up to you to decide. What would you regret more? Going or not? At the very least, send a heartfelt card telling her how you feel.

[heloladies21]

I wouldn't go, she told you to leave her alone. Even if it was said in anger, it was said and you would probably tick her off even more if you showed up. Let her go through her time. In the meantime, talk to other girls.

[TODD4126]

Hey heloladies21, i think you are getting the wrong idea, this is not about going to try and get back together, this is about maybe going, trying to show that I still care about her in my own way and that i want her to know i am here for her. And that dispite what happened between us, i'm still a friend to her. this breakup wasn't as bad as it sounds there weren't any cops or any let's just say stuff that makes a breakup worse then it ought to be, this was a breakup where she just had other stuff to worry about and and me that needs to grow up, and a few other miner faults, and see a therapist to fix them breakup. So I think you are getting the wrong idea... I don't know how mature you are, but talking to other girls won't help me right now. but thanks for the advice anybody else have a better idea, or suggestion other then heloladies21 that is more helpful? like smallworld's suggestion......

[Iceman26]

Considering what she said, I would send her a card expressing your condolences, and if she needs to talk, then you are willing to listen.

 

I wouldnt go to the funeral because considering what she said to you, it could cause her more anguish if you go.