I am so lost, Please HELP

[Help_Needed]

I have posted before about how to come out to the woman that I have strong feelings for (She thinks I am straight). Well, in the end of the posting I told her and we decided to take it slow and see what happens. Since then, I thought things were going really well. Until this past weekend. She went out with her friends to a lesbian bar and did not invite me. I felt hurt. It is not like that I want to follow her around like a puppy dog. I just need to get out and be with people who I can be me with. Only my brother, his girlfriend, and this woman know about me. So, obviously she is the only one I can relate to about this. She is the only one who can help me meet others that will understand me. She knows all this. I get the feeling that she thinks I am too needy. I don't want to be. I just want to go out with people and not feel like I am lying to them. I am not sure my friends will understand and I am not ready to tell them. I feel like I am hiding in my aparment from the world, but these three that know. It is a real depressing feeling!!!

 

I don't know what to do. I have thought about telling this woman that I want to be friends, but that hurts b/c I care so much for her. I don't want to ruin any type of relationship that we can have. What do I do?

 

Plus, when we decided to see what could happen between us, she said that she still wanted to date other people. I am finding that I hate the thought of her being with someone else. I want a relationship with her and only her. Am I jealous or possessive? This is the first thing in my life that I have felt so confident in. I want this, but, like I said before, I don't want to ruin our friendship.

 

I need any input you can offer. I know for a fact that I do like woman. That is not my concern anymore. I just need to know how to take it step by step in my life and what I am feeling. Is it normal to feel this way? I know this may be a little confusing, but please try to understand and help!!!

[btbt]

She's already told you that she wants to date other people, so don't put all your hopes on her. It sounds like, however, that what you need now is to meet other lesbians and form a community. It's natural to mix up your feelings for the first person you come out to and your need to get yourself into a world you feel comfortable with. I'd recommend taking it on the friendship level and meet new friends, and eventually create a group of your own so you are not so dependent on her.

[Cadence308]

I don't think it's jealous or needy to want to be exclusive with someone in a relationship. You just need to find that other person who wants the same thing that you do. Maybe she's not right for you or maybe she's out there looking for someone better if she can't commit to you. At least that is what I would be thinking.

 

I agree that since you are not out it would be good for me to mingle with the gay/les community. It can be very liberating when you do. It can also be very depressing at times. If you ever want to chat just send me a PM. Only a few people know about me, too.

 

Have you tried link removed? I met some great lesbians on there. I've heard that link removed also has a lesbian personals site and I just met someone great through friends that met her on there so you might want to try that.

 

Ballys

[Help_Needed]

Well, as Ballys already knows, I talk to her and we are going to be just friends. It is hard. Btbt, thanks for your help, and I think you are right in some sense. I don't think I am mixing up my feelings. I am just trying to be with some one who doesn't know what she wants.

She has been hanging out with this girl that she has told me that she does not like and would never have any interest in, before she ever knew I was gay. She is afraid to face her true feelings. I am not saying that I am who she wants, but when we were "talking" (whatever you want to call it) she was all about me. She would always say she is afraid of getting hurt, but then she would just look at me like she could look at me forever. It was an amazing feeling. I guess that is why I am taking it so hard. However, I do not want to be with someone who is too afraid to face her true feelings. I am excepting this slowly. Especially, when I hear that this girl, she says she doesn't like, is always at her house now. She is going the safe way, talk to someone she knows will not hurt her bc she doesn't have feeling for her.

At least that is how I am looking at it. Now, I could be completely wrong and thinking to much into it. Let me know what you guys think?

I am taking steps in trying to meet new people and form a group of friends I feel comfortable with. She is not helping me. I am using other options, but with time it will all come together.

[Cadence308]

I think you are right. She most likely is in denial about her sexuality. She either changed her mind about this other girl or she is using her to hide behind.

 

It sounds like she's attracted to you, just not ready to move forward. Maybe she's just coming out to herself, too? Do you think?

 

I think you should try no contact with her and get out there to meet some other women. That is the best way to move on and I know because I was stuck on the same woman for about one year. Moving on is all about developing a new crush!

[Help_Needed]

She has been out for a really long time know. She has drifted to men in the past few years bc of not being sure, but everytime she knew it was not right. She likes women and everybody knows. So, I know it is not an issue of her not being sure about being a lesbian.

 

I would have a difficult time staying away from her. She is friends with my brother and his girlfriend. I just had all of them over for dinner. It is a hard thing to handle. I try to look at her as a friend, but I know how wonderful we could be together if she would let down her guard. I also dont want to keep feeling this way. I have so many ups and downs.

 

Another question I am going to put out there, How do I handle these feelings of depression. I know with out a doubt I like women. When certian thoughts enter my head, I can cry for hours. Most of all, "What will my family think?" and "What do I do next?" I just want to live my life. Obviously not like I used to bc I was hiding from my feelings, but like I am now. I feel so confident in myself at times, but yet fear myself in so mant ways at time. What do I do?