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Help_Needed

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  1. Help_Needed
    moonunit, I am female. So, I am pretty sure she knows I am gay. I have been looking for other things going on in the gay community, but I can't seem to find anything. I will keep researching things. When I broke up with her I felt a sense of relief, but I didn't realize all these other feelings would come with it . I love my family and when I first decided to tell them I never thought I would get this much support from all of them. Right now, they are all I have and I am so thankful for that. As far as my friends go, I do plan on telling them and possibly in the near future. I know that I have supported them thru many things and I hope they can be there for me like I was there for them. EnglishSilver, you described just how I felt at the bar. I didn't like it at all. I know I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I really appreciate all of your words of advice. I know there is a process to this for her, I didn't think I would have to go through a process though. It is hard seeing someone for three months almost everyday and then not seeing them at all, but I know I can't think about that right now. I can only imagine how hard it would be for you to have to see your ex, being in my ex's shoes. I never wanted to do that to her, but that comes with it. I hope she thinks I treated her with kindness and respect. What to do, What to do? I am sure this too will pass, but it is so much easier said then done.
  2. Help_Needed
    I just ended a relationship with someone I love about two weeks ago. We only dated for three month, but it was a my first serious relationship and the amount of time we were together was nothing compared to how much we shared. Yes, I ended it and I still love her. I just am not in love with her if that makes any sense. I just recently faced the facts that I am gay in June. Since June I have dated two women. With both, I met their gay friends, but never really made my own friends within the gay community. So, here I am now with no one to turn to. I feel so lonely. I tried to go to the bar last night by myself and just felt even more lonely. I am also dealing with worrying about my ex. I care so much for her, but she will not talk to me. I can understand why she doesn't want to, I just want to know if she is okay. I don't know how to figure out if she is okay without her thinking I want to get back with her. I am so lonely now that I fear I would do it b/c I miss her company and I hate feeling so lost. Help! I have friends, but they don't know about me. My family knows, but they can only help so much. I am not sure what I am asking here. I need advice. All I want to do is stay in my apartment and not do anything. I cry for no reason. I want to call out to someone for help, but I have no one.
  3. Help_Needed
    Outcast-Angel, I hope you are still with us. Please post something so we know you are alright!!!
  4. Help_Needed
    It doesn't appear anything anyone says to you is going to change your mind. I just hope that before you do this that you think about your little sister. What if she feels the same why you do? What if she is planning to take her life soon or as already tried? Would you be completely accepting of that? Or maybe she doesn't want to commit suicide, but think of what she is giong to go through. I have a little sister and I had thought about suicide when I was about your age. My sister looks up to me and in her I eyes I am her world. I don't know what type of relationship you have with yours, but a lot is unspoken. I wouldn't have know my sister thought that if I wasn't told by my parents. She was the one that made me decide to live. I could not imagine her trying anything like that. Why would I do the same? You are going to make your own choice, but I bet there are a lot of people who want you to live. It seems like you are too busy fixing other peoples problems. Take time to explian your own problems and maybe they would make the effort to help you. I don't know you and I am not going to sit here and say what kind of person you are. I do know that you must be fairly strong to hang on this long. If you have tried for 5 years to do this, and you haven't died yet, then there is some reason you are still here. Atleast, that is what i believe. Please keep everyone in mind as you think this through, and don't think how they are going to take this, think how they can help you. I am sorry you came her for advice on how to let go because people are not willing to accept that you are ready to go!!! I send all the love of your friends and family yuor way.
  5. Help_Needed
    In the past 6 months I have had sex between 5 to 10 times. Probably closer to 10. I don't have an interest in it anymore. More because it is uncomfortable and not that I don't want it. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no pain and 10 being severe pain, I am around 5 when I am having intercourse. It is not extreme pain, but it is enough. I also have the concern about how I feel awkward about it all. I don't want to say dirty, but something close to that. I appreiciate all of the help.
  6. Help_Needed
    I am really confused!!! I am not able to enjoy sex. The only way I can reach an orgasm is when I receive oral sex. However, it does not happen often. I feel completely frustrated because it takes for ever. I often give up during it and try to move on to something else. There is a lot of foreplay before and I am completely turned on. I do not enjoy intercourse at all. It is actually somewhat painful. I have told my OBGYN and friends. My friends say it is because I am not doing it enough. I don't want to do it because it hurts so it is hard to do it "enough". Plus, I feel uncomfortable when I am having sex. Like I am doing something wrong. Why do I feel this way? I love my partner, I want to be with them, and they turn me on to no extreme. Why can't I enjoy sex? I have tried everything: adding things, being romantic, etc. Also, how do I initiate sex? I obviously don't do that now because I don't enjoy it, but I just don't know how. Please give me any input anybody has. This is a serious posting. I need serious replies please.
  7. Help_Needed
    I am pretty sure that they do not know. I have been hanging out more with a friend who is a lesbian, and my mom knows her and knows she is a lesbain. I think when I tell my mom and step-dad, that they will be like, "Oh, that's why you did this..." They will look back and makes sense of it. Does that make sense? They know that I have a bad history with keeping guys around. They call me picky, but I call it being gay So, we will see how it goes. It my be a week from now or months. I have no idea!!! Do you think the longer I wait the harder it will be, and the more hurt they will be that I didn't tell them sooner? I know that they will understand me telling my brother and sister first!!!
  8. Help_Needed
    I am sure there is postings in here about this, but I don't really want to go thru all these posting to look for them. I am in the process of coming out to my family. I ahev only told my brother and sister. I have not told the two people that mean the world to me, yet. My mom and dad. How do you start a conversation that would lead to me telling them? My parents are dviorced and both remarried. So, I will have to do this twice, but I know that they will be two different conversations. My mom is very open-minded and laid back, and so is my step-father. I know that they will be very supportive, but very shocked. I am pretty sure they have no idea that I am a lesbian. This conversation will be a little easier for me to do. My dad and step-mom are very conservative. I am daddy's little girl, and I know he has all these dreams for me. To get married to a nice man, have children, etc. He jokes with me about paying for my wedding when ever I meet him. So, you can see how this one is going to be more difficult for me. I am very confident that this is the lifestyle I want for myself, and that I want them to know. However, how do you know when the right time is to tell them? I have been out to a few people for over two months now. I am not dating anybody either. *Questions* 1. How do you know when the right time is to tell them? 2. How do you start the conversation? 3. Should I have my brother and sister there, who know, to support me? 4. What kind of environment should we be in? (dinner, their home, my home, ???) 5. And any other suggestions on this subject?
  9. Help_Needed
    Wow!!! This is a very controversial subject, and I know that there will never be one answer to the question. All I can offer is my own life experience. For the most part of my life, I have been fighting my feelings for the same sex because of this issue. Is it "RIGHT" to be gay? Who has the right to say? Really, who has the right to control our lives in every aspect? I am religious and turned to God for support. At a point recently in my life, I just felt He would guide me to what He wanted for me. I am now 24 years old and know without a doubt that I am attracted to women. I feel like He allowed me to see it. Now, not everyone believes that it was God who helped me, it is just the way I am supposed to live my life. I can see that. It just feels better to know that someone is watching over me. Being religious, I also believe that what every body else believes is their right and that is how their life will be guided. alfal99, you have to follow your heart and how you want to live your life. You have the answer and I think you already know what it is. We can come on here and post responses and try to help, but live your life not anybody else's.
  10. Help_Needed
    She has been out for a really long time know. She has drifted to men in the past few years bc of not being sure, but everytime she knew it was not right. She likes women and everybody knows. So, I know it is not an issue of her not being sure about being a lesbian. I would have a difficult time staying away from her. She is friends with my brother and his girlfriend. I just had all of them over for dinner. It is a hard thing to handle. I try to look at her as a friend, but I know how wonderful we could be together if she would let down her guard. I also dont want to keep feeling this way. I have so many ups and downs. Another question I am going to put out there, How do I handle these feelings of depression. I know with out a doubt I like women. When certian thoughts enter my head, I can cry for hours. Most of all, "What will my family think?" and "What do I do next?" I just want to live my life. Obviously not like I used to bc I was hiding from my feelings, but like I am now. I feel so confident in myself at times, but yet fear myself in so mant ways at time. What do I do?
  11. Help_Needed
    Well, as Ballys already knows, I talk to her and we are going to be just friends. It is hard. Btbt, thanks for your help, and I think you are right in some sense. I don't think I am mixing up my feelings. I am just trying to be with some one who doesn't know what she wants. She has been hanging out with this girl that she has told me that she does not like and would never have any interest in, before she ever knew I was gay. She is afraid to face her true feelings. I am not saying that I am who she wants, but when we were "talking" (whatever you want to call it) she was all about me. She would always say she is afraid of getting hurt, but then she would just look at me like she could look at me forever. It was an amazing feeling. I guess that is why I am taking it so hard. However, I do not want to be with someone who is too afraid to face her true feelings. I am excepting this slowly. Especially, when I hear that this girl, she says she doesn't like, is always at her house now. She is going the safe way, talk to someone she knows will not hurt her bc she doesn't have feeling for her. At least that is how I am looking at it. Now, I could be completely wrong and thinking to much into it. Let me know what you guys think? I am taking steps in trying to meet new people and form a group of friends I feel comfortable with. She is not helping me. I am using other options, but with time it will all come together.
  12. Help_Needed
    Hey Patience, Congratulations!!! Just with your guidence and help, I can tell that she is a very lucky woman to find someone like you. I want to wish you both the best of luck. My one advice, and you pretty much know it, follow the "slow" step process. Do not be in a rush. If she truly cares about you, things will work itself out .
  13. Help_Needed
    I have posted before about how to come out to the woman that I have strong feelings for (She thinks I am straight). Well, in the end of the posting I told her and we decided to take it slow and see what happens. Since then, I thought things were going really well. Until this past weekend. She went out with her friends to a lesbian bar and did not invite me. I felt hurt. It is not like that I want to follow her around like a puppy dog. I just need to get out and be with people who I can be me with. Only my brother, his girlfriend, and this woman know about me. So, obviously she is the only one I can relate to about this. She is the only one who can help me meet others that will understand me. She knows all this. I get the feeling that she thinks I am too needy. I don't want to be. I just want to go out with people and not feel like I am lying to them. I am not sure my friends will understand and I am not ready to tell them. I feel like I am hiding in my aparment from the world, but these three that know. It is a real depressing feeling!!! I don't know what to do. I have thought about telling this woman that I want to be friends, but that hurts b/c I care so much for her. I don't want to ruin any type of relationship that we can have. What do I do? Plus, when we decided to see what could happen between us, she said that she still wanted to date other people. I am finding that I hate the thought of her being with someone else. I want a relationship with her and only her. Am I jealous or possessive? This is the first thing in my life that I have felt so confident in. I want this, but, like I said before, I don't want to ruin our friendship. I need any input you can offer. I know for a fact that I do like woman. That is not my concern anymore. I just need to know how to take it step by step in my life and what I am feeling. Is it normal to feel this way? I know this may be a little confusing, but please try to understand and help!!!
  14. Help_Needed
    Love Hurts, I think you need to find some way to move on like Cloud said. Do you have a group of friends where you are now? I was just wondering because this is a time you need someone to help you through this. It is not going to be easy, but always remember that you have a family that cares so much for you. Do they know how you are feeling? If you feel comfortable enough with them, confide in them for help too. No one is worth taking your own life for. You are important to so many other people!!! Keep your chin up and, when sad, remember you are loved by overs and smile.
  15. Help_Needed
    Well, we met that night and I talked to her about how I have been feeling about my attraction for women. She was great! She comforted me and told me that everything was going to work itself out. She gave me advice and shared her own stories. She also kept asking if I was interested in anyone. I really wanted to tell her that it was her I was intrested in, but didn't know how. So, I just avoided the subject. I felt so comfortable with her, and I got this feeling like she was flirting with me. Well, to end the night, we kissed and it was amazing. I guess she figured me out! We are taking thing slow to see what happens. I now know that my feelings are real for her. I can't wait to see what happens for us. Thanks Patience for all your help. I hope I can be as helpful for others in the future as you have been for me. Maybe you can help in the future when I am ready to tell my parents. I will keep you posted.
  16. Help_Needed
    I have her phone number. I am going to see if she is busy tonight. We will see what happens. If anything I will just get some advice on how to handle my feelings. I am not sure if I am going to confess my feelings for her just yet. One step at a time. Breathing Lots!!! Thanks Patience!!! Your help has really made me feel more comfortable about my felings!
  17. Help_Needed
    Oh yes, they are very understanding, accepting, and opened-minded. I am very fortunate in that case. It is like I am finally admitting to myself, and that was difficult. I can't imagine telling anybody, but her and my brother's girlfriend.
  18. Help_Needed
    I guess because this is all new to me. I currently live with family and I feel like I am hiding from them. So, it is so much more then persuing her, it is admitting to myself that this is all real. Meeting her this weekend would just put me that much closer to the real life that I know I need to be living, and it is scarey.
  19. Help_Needed
    I was going to, but I have other friends coming into town and they wont be leaving until early evening sat. They will be spending the whole day there. So, they will be pretty intoxicated, and I am scared so I wont make up any other excuses.
  20. Help_Needed
    What makes you think that? Just curious.
  21. Help_Needed
    Well, last night we got to see each other. She had offered to help me go look for some furniture for my new place that I will be moving into soon (which will be close to her). I was so nervous, but I felt comfortable with her at the same time (Hard to explain). We went to the furniture store and then she asked if I wanted to go to dinner. We went to dinner and it was so nice to talk and get to know each other in a different situation. Then we went back to her place to watch TV and chat. This whole time, she still didn't know how I felt about her or even that I am pretty sure that I am a lesbian. However, I got mix signals from her. She asked me question like who my favorite actress was and what girl I liked best on this one show. Plus, she told me about this weekend and the Pride Parade. I asked questions about it, but still didn't have the never to come out to her. Is this anything or am I jsut being weird? I asked how she knew that she was gay. Almost everything she said I could relate with. It was so weird. I want to talk to her about how I have been second guessing my sexual preferences, but I am not ready to let her know of my feelings for her. Should I go for it and call her and tell her I need to talk to her? You would think that I would be able to make my own decisions, but I guess I need some reassurance.
  22. Help_Needed
    That's a good idea! My brother's girlfriend would definitely help me figure out the details. Why do relationships have to be so difficult?!?!
  23. Help_Needed
    I do not. I just have her work email. We just communicate through email, when we go out with mutual friends, and softball.
  24. Help_Needed
    Yes, she is single. I do not know how to go about it? I don't want to ruin anytime of relationship I could have with her. I had a hard time approaching men. I am having an even harder time approach women.
  25. Help_Needed
    Yes, I know her pretty well. I used to work at the same place she does, and we play softball together. I don't get to see her often now because our season is over with. We will see what happens. Like you said it is a process, and I am willing to wait. My feelings are that strong for her.
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