No relationship experience, should I tell her?

[Blurr]

Hello again everyone,

 

For those of you who have looked at my last post, I'm 'seeing' this girl from work and things have gone somewhat OK so far. Last week on Friday I asked her a stupid question ('Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?') and regretted it ever since.

 

However, I've thankfully had things put into perspective by both some people on here and my friends.

 

Anyways, what I'd like to know is...would it be a good idea to just be up front and tell her that I have little to no experience when it comes to relationships? I just figure being honest would be the best idea...but what I'm worried about is making it (my connection to her) seem so much more serious than it really is.

 

I mean, I very much like her and enjoy her company, but I'm not in love. And I don't want to come off as some starstruck sappy guy...I just want to let her know so that she's not surprised or shocked by my utter cluelessness when it comes to this sort of stuff.

[MaxPayne19]

Hey Blurr,

 

I dont think that it would be a good idea to tell her you have no experience at all when it comes to dating. It could just make her feel uneasy about you and she could end up walking away. Girls want their guys to be strong and unpredictable. Don't get me wrong being honest is always the best idea when it comes to a relationship, but I think this shoudl be an exception.

 

You could always talk to your friends for more advice or find out what other people think you should do to be more romantic. Good luck man.

[PB]

Anyways, what I'd like to know is...would it be a good idea to just be up front and tell her that I have little to no experience when it comes to relationships?

 

I wouldn't unless your gut feeling is that it's something she would understand. More than likely, it will change the "chemistry" for her and make you appear less mature.

 

If I were you, I'd just try to act as "middle ground" as I could muster. Don't act like you know everything there is to know about relationships, but don't act like you're clueless either.

 

In reality, with all of the mass media, information, etc... that is available today, very few people are "totally clueless" when it comes to relationships. You probably know more than you think you know.

 

If you just sort of "go with the flow", she might interpret your actions as "charming" instead of "inexperienced". There's always time later if things "work out" for you to 'fess up if you feel you need to.

[Blurr]

Yea, what you guys mentioned was exactly what I was thinking too...it would make me seem somewhat less 'attractive' to her or what not.

 

Well thanks for the advice...I guess I'll just lay off those thoughts for now and just go with the flow and see how things turn out

 

Thanks guys!

[btbt]

Going with the flow is good, but agonizing over what to do is not. You don't have to tell her, hey I'm totally clueless, but you can honest and say that various things are new to you. I think that openness, and sometimes clumsiness, is much more attractive than someone who knows all the moves.

[Blurr]

Yea, I have a bad tendency to agonize and worry about the littlest things.

 

But I'm trying to relax a bit (or a lot) and just see how things turn out. Worrying, as a past therapist once told me, does nothing to help so you should stop worrying.

 

I'm going to leave my thoughts as just thoughts for now and see how things work out between us. She is coming over tomorrow to make me dinner...so I guess things can't be all bad!

[mindless22]

Be honest and tell her

[wlfpack81]

Don't tell her. Girls are turned off by guys our age w/no experience. Just try to do your best and come out being the "rookie of the year" so to speak.

[Mr. Cactus]

I agree with the others who say you should not mention it, but I would qualify that. Don't mention it pro-actively. In other words don't you be the one to bring up the subject. If, on the hand hand she brings the subject up, then in my opinion you must be honest with her. But you can still be honest without being excessively self-effacing. For example, you can simply say that you had never found anyone previously who you felt you would like to have a relationship with.

 

You will almost certainly find that if you never bring the subject up yourself, then she will at some point. Hopefully by then she should have been able to judge you on the merits of the relationship as it has progessed up until that point. If she is turned off by your admissions, then I feel that is her problem, unless your behaviour in the relationship has caused her concern for one reason or another.

[btbt]

Hmmm, I understand what people are saying -- don't undermine yourself -- but I don't agree that you should hide things. Do women really flee from someone who doesn't have experience in a relationship? Maybe, if that means they don't know how to open their heart, but not necessarily so, if they don't know how to do little things like picking out the best restaurants or planning a fun day. But as for these little things, you don't have to have had a romantic relationship to know how to do them. If you've hung out with family and friends, you know what people like and what is fun for yourself to do, you can't be totally clueless as to what to do on a date.

 

In the end, you have to do what feels right; and from my perspective, someone who is trying but is kind of awkward is much more attractive than someone who is hiding something or is too slick. I think Mr. Cactus provides a balanced perspective. I agree that you don't want to pigeon-hole yourself to someone as "never had a relationship" guy.