hurtwou Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 ok....Its gettin kinda crazy with eddie, he is so nice to me and he always has attitude changes.....hes nice then 2 mins later hes mean...so I had it and I go what are you bipolar...and he says yea. I was shocked.....I never knew he was bipolar....he should have told me... were broken up now, but were tryin to work things out... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Is Eddie as interested in working things out as you are? I thought this was the same guy who was completely inconsistant with you, standing you up left and right and treating you like garbage. What has changed? Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 I think it is important for you to realize that if he is indeed bipolar than you should be able to understand much of it is not about you when he acts out irrationally. That being said you have to put your foot down and not let him walk all over you. Check out New Hope for people with bipolar disorder by Jan Fawcett MD and Bernard Golden PHD and Nancy Rosenfeld. Further any additional books you can read up on this particular illness and what to expect from this man and what he is obligated as a responsible partner to minimize the hassles of his illness is important. He should be expected to get medicated and possibly see a therapist if he cannot control himself. Link to comment
hurtwou Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 yea hes the smae guy who trested me like crap....but I just cant hate him.....esspecially now that I know he is bipolar....its not really his fault when he gets mad, he cant control it, I thought he was just a jerk....but he isnt.....he cant control it Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Is Eddie as interested in working things out as you are? I thought this was the same guy who was completely inconsistant with you, standing you up left and right and treating you like garbage. What has changed? ditto...i don't get why you're still after this guy...you don't like the way he treats you as you have said in several other posts...whatever he has going on (be it bipolar disorder or whether he's mean for other reasons) things aren't really working out between you, are they? Sorry i sound pessimistic...I just don't understand why you are still trying to get with this guy after some of the other things you've said. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 I am just as confused. Even if he is bipolar, that's not an excuse to treat you like garbage and disrespect you. He needs professional help, and possibly medication to help with his mood swings, but that isn't your problem. He isn't your project, your person to save. Someone that makes you feel badly and treats your poorly isn't worth chasing after, even if they do have an emotional disorder. Don't you want to be in a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself? Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hope that is a very narrow way of viewing the matter. This man is obviously sick and incapable of rational behavior. He obviously does care about her and vice versa. To just leave him because of something he can't help wouldn't show much loyalty on her part. Now the question is, is he willing to get help? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hope that is a very narrow way of viewing the matter. This man is obviously sick and incapable of rational behavior. He obviously does care about her and vice versa. To just leave him because of something he can't help wouldn't show much loyalty on her part. Now the question is, is he willing to get help? In case you haven't read her previous posts, he left her already, after treating her like garbage. Not to mention he was seeing someone else, as to whether he still is, I don't know. I realize he in claiming to have bipolar disorder, and if I recall from your posts you also have bipolar disorder, so you obviously know a bit about it. One of my best friends is also afflicted with bipolar disorder, and before he was able to properly manage it with meds I saw him in various stages of mania and depression. During all that time he never treated me with disrespect. Regardless, she does not have to stand for being treated poorly. If Eddie chooses to address his bipolar disorder, get some help for it, level out his moods, and treat her with some respect and consideration, maybe she will have a fair shot at a stable relationship with him, should he choose to take her back. She does not have an obligation to put up with lousy and inconsistant treatment simply because he is ill. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hope as somebody with experience of it you also realize there are five different types some with different types of severity. Some of these people literally cannot help their behavior "all the time". With understanding of the condition it can hence make the it easier to cope with these types of people. However, I must say I did form an opinion to quickly here. I am not sure what his 'ill treatment' has entailed. Nor do I know if he has indeed tried to get help at all. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 He dumped her, was seeing someone else, promised to call and didn't, promised to spend time with her and didn't, generally made her feel bad. If he has bipolar disorder, and indeed cannot control himself, that still does not give him license to treat her poorly, nor should she be expected to put up with it. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hope by its very definition they tend to be naturally irritated and impatient. I know I could by a jerk at times even when I tried not to with somebody in my life. You can't always help it. It creates a deep irascibility. Anyway, the things you mentioned are not excusable even by bipolar. Link to comment
hurtwou Posted July 9, 2005 Author Share Posted July 9, 2005 haha wow....he does it again...bipolar or not, im done with him....he ditched me again after telling me last night that he was gonna come down talk things out with me...today I didnt hear from him. But you know what I wasnt even waiting today...I knew he was gonna ditch me again....3 strikes n hes OUT!! Yeah....wow you know what that one day I slept over his house he was so nice....thats why I fell in love with him...but everything he did after that proves hes not worth it.... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 hurtwou, Good for you for realizing that you deserve to be treated better. You gave Eddie chance after chance and every time you get hurt. A good guy who was truly interested in getting back together with you would be doing everything he could to try and win your trust and respect back. So far all he has done is let you down. I think you are making the right choice. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 She's not over him. I don't believe her. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Way to be supportive, Napoleon. I don't believe she said she was over him, I think what she said was she was through trying to get him back. You can still care about someone but make a conscious choice not to be with them. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Hope I have a different method of being supportive with people that I find's works more efficiently most the time. His problem has nothing do with being bipolar. His problem is he's let his depression give him reason to think he has the right to be a jerk to the people who care about him. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 She's not over him. I don't believe her. I have a different method of being supportive with people that I find's works more efficiently most the time. Frankly, I don't see this as being supportive in any way. His problem has nothing do with being bipolar. His problem is he's let his depression give him reason to think he has the right to be a jerk to the people who care about him. Isn't this what I was trying to get accross to you last night, when you were calling her disloyal for not standing by her bipolar ex? Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Isn't this what I was trying to get accross to you last night, when you were calling her disloyal for not standing by her bipolar ex? Yes and I must confess I stand corrected. You were more informed on this instance. 2. When I say it isn't done yet I said it cuz she sounds like like she isn't serious. She's too convinced perhaps? Plus I was obliquely issuing a challenge for her to stand by what she is saying she is gonna do about him. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 When I say it isn't done yet I said it cuz she sounds like like she isn't serious. She's too convinced perhaps? Plus I was obliquely issuing a challenge for her to stand by what she is saying she is gonna do about him. She might not be ready to fully let him go, but what she needs right now is support to at least give it a try, not ridicule and doubt that she will be unable to. Think about it. If you are trying to learn how to swim, and your teacher and parents and friends say, "Oh, you'll never be able to learn how to swim, you will just drown. I don't believe you can do it." Do you think you would be more doubtful of yourself? Now try this one: "C'mon Napoleon, I know you can do this! You are strong, and smart, and you will learn how to swim, and swim well." I think for someone without alot of self confidence, your "method" is only going to make them doubt themselves further, and maybe give up trying. In my experience, fewer people respond to doubt and ridicule than positive reinforcement. What hurtwou needs here is a boost, and some confidence in her ability to stand by her decision. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I was being honest. I don't think she is ready to let him go. It wasn't riddicule. I was simply stating what I observed. However usually when somebody disagrees with me and says "no you wont" rather than "yeah you can do it" it makes me irritated and more determined with my initial decision. That being said, as somebody who is bipolar, as much a pain in the butt as I can be, I never once treated Lorraine during my darkest days with the self-centered contempt he has shown this person. Link to comment
hurtwou Posted July 17, 2005 Author Share Posted July 17, 2005 yeah...well we didnt talk in I dunno how long....im so numb and heartbroken I dont even care anymore... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hurtwou, I know you might not be able to see this right now, but you really are so much better off without this guy in your life. Try to do something nice for yourself tomorrow. Read a book you enjoy for an hour, go for a swim, go shopping, watch a cheesy movie. Remember what it's like to care about yourself first, even if it's just for a little while. No guy who goes back and forth like he has and plays with your emotions is worth this kind of heartache. When you start believing you are worth it, is when you will truly be ready for a healthy relationship with someone who cares about you as much as you care about him. Hang in there. Link to comment
hurtwou Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 yeah....well I read a book today for a few hours....and im tryin to forget about him, but its so hard not to pick up the phone and call the jerk. I am tryin so hard not to...... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 You will get through this. I'm glad you spent some time enjoying a book today. Get out an take a walk tomorrow if you can. Bring your walkman, Ipod, whatever, your dog if you have one....notice all the interesting things to look at along the way. The longer you can stay away from him, the better off you will be. Hang in there, you can do this. Link to comment
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