Not sure what to do

[Fredrickson]

Hey all I need help with a friendship that i have developed with a girl for about 6 months.Well our friendship is very intense for both of us we see each other at work than we talk on the phone alot (every day), and hang out atleast once a week for a few hours.

 

I have told her that I liked her and she has told she doesn't like me in that way. However i asked her just to treat me like her other friends, give a hug goodbye, say i am gonna miss you, etc. she said "I can't it is hard with you cause you are different"

 

Which I didn't really understand but the relationship was far too close to me to be just friendship.

 

I told her that and pushed her away for a week or so. I was 'busy' etc for that week when she called. She finally gave me phone call telling me just to listen she told me about how her parents never really loved each other, her other relationships were not as close what we have, her exboyfriends were jerks and were bascially just there for booty and never talked her unless it was for that.

 

I told her again that the relationship she wants is way to intense for me to just friendship. At this point she was crying and it wasn't guilt but genuine feelings about how she opened up with me and how hard it was and how much she cared about me, and that i treat her far to good.

 

So that is about it i am not sure what to do I know she needs me, more than i need her, and i want to help her badly, but i also don't want to get hurt when she decides to fall into her old habits of dating guys that treat her like crap cause that is what she thinks is normal.

[Alabama]

Don't worry about the future now. If the person you love is hurt, then help them first. Only then, will you know the future. If she's sad, then help make her happy again. Wouldn't be worth it, to see her smile again? You are right though, you can't predict if she'll go back into her old habits, but nonetheless I suggest helping her cope with her problems. That way, you'll know at least she'll be better off in a happy condition, than a miserable one. Good luck!

[smallworld]

Frederickson, Life doesn't always provide second chances. Ulitimately you have to decide what you would really regret more: Giving up on what could potentially be the most amazing relationship of your life? Or possibly altering the friendship forever and potentially getting hurt?

 

There are no easy answers, but whatever you decide to do, take things slowly and trust your gut.

[Fredrickson]

I know what i am gonna do already, but i guess what i really wanted to know if any one has any tips or exercises to get those thoughts of my mind cause they do creep up from time to time and it does me bother alot.

[smallworld]

Frederickson, I'm a person that's been motivated by fear my entire life. Fear is paralyzing. Recently I've come to realize that I have a choice. I can be motivated by fear or I can be motivated by love.

 

Move towards love! No matter what the result, if you approach this relationship with love and respect for her and for yourself, you can't go wrong. You take each moment as it comes. You choose to do what's in each other's best interests. What you don't do is lie, hide feelings, pick fights, make light of serious matters, or run. If you take things slow and are completely honest with each other at all times about where you stand and what you feel and think, you'll build trust (and love) with each other and you'll nip most problems in the bud before they become recklessly messy and painful.

 

As for her possibly leaving you for guys who mistreat her, you can't control her. But you can ask her to be make a 'pact' with you that she tell you what she feels the second she starts to doubt her feelings for you. Tell her it would hurt you more for her to have her keep the truth from you and leave you, then for her to tell you the truth well ahead of time so that you both can see if her feelings are worth pursuing or if they're just a primal need to be with men she needs to "win" over.

 

As for exercises to deal with fear, Lifeiscash (Thanks buddy!!! 8) ) sent me this amazing link. I haven't tried the exercise on FEAR yet, but a quick glance makes me think it might benefit you. Scroll down to "Exercise to find out what your fear or masked desire is (burgundy script)"

 

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