Men and depression

[princezz]

Id like some opinons on this from men aswell as women..if possible!

 

Is it easy to see when a man is stressed or depressed,will he go into his cave and should the women just back off??

 

Are there any men on this site that have been depressed and how have they acted towards there partner or the people closest to them..did they shut them out and distant hemselves..?

 

Basically the guy im involved with has distanced him self from me in the last two weeks.We have been very close and the best of frinds for the last 4 years ..we are not in a relationship ,which for our own reasons we have agreed on..although we are very emotionally close.

 

He has a big career ,which is very up and down...he has gone off distancing from me b4 ..but will always get intouch sayin sorry and that things arnt good 4 him right now...

 

I think,(and he says) things are bad 4 him right now ,when i spoke to him he seemed so very very quiet,normally hes askin to see me but his time he said ' well, keep intouch ,im alwayz about'...thats when i asked to see him,he said yes and to call him later.

 

Im thinkin the worst,i think mayb he is distancin himself out of guilt (maybe hes seeing someone) so hes tryna distance himself from me emotionally..Would a man admit to that?

 

I dunno maybe he is depressed and upset about his career,if thats the case i want to try make him feel better...any ideas or shall i just leave him alone??

[RayKay]

Well depression is a bit different then just the usual "retreating into the cave". Retreating into the cave is sort of like a temporary time out, where one (yes often associated with men, but women do it as well at times) withdraws into themself to try and sort things out and figure out a problem. Then once that is done, or the worry of it has diminished, they bounce back out again.

 

Often yes when someone is in their cave they wish to be left alone, however they also need to feel they are understood in their need to be left alone and that you will be there when they come back.

 

Depression is not so easily resolved, and is often a combination of symptoms lasting at least two weeks.

 

When someone is depressed, or stressed, yes sometimes it means they distance themself a bit from the people in their life - they are not entirely "there" and one can usually notice it. It is not always intentional though.

 

I am not entirely sure what your relationship is with him...I am guessing it is sort of a close friends thing...did any of you ever want any more than that?

 

I think when you see him (I assume you are going to call him later) you open the door to communication by saying you think he sounds rather stressed and tired lately, and that if he needs to discuss anything, that you are there to listen (not judge, just listen!). But don't force anything out. He may open up, he may not. He may be in a slump a couple more days and then come out of it as he clears things in his head, or he may continue to distance himself and if that is the case you need to decide what you need to do. You know him better than we do, so should be able to better determine if he is pulling away or not or if there is something else going on.

[princezz]

Thank you so much for your reply!

 

Our 'relationship' is difficult to say the least,we have overstepped the just friends boundries ,some might say friends with benefits ,but on both sides its alot deeper. Right now a relationship isnt right for us

his career is his no1,and i think he feels it will define him(music artist), and me,well ive got a new house and two small chiildren(not his) that is my no1...But i wont lie to myself i do love this guy alot and will alwayz have his back.

 

When i spoke to him today it was as if i was tryin to make it safe 4 him to talk to me,it was hard,he jus said' OH U KNOW WHAT IM LIKE, I TEND TO GO WEIRD LIKE THIS FROM TIME TO TIME' hes right about that..

And it alwayz boils down to his career taking a nose dive..

 

I guess i will see him,if he answers his phone when i call him which im quite worried he wont

Im tryin to prepare myself for how he will bea round me ,or wether he will break news that hes met somebody.

[Spirits Away]

I guess that's a not bad imagery to use. But percisely "I want to be left alone to solve my own things without distractions". Sounds like the guy is more career oriented. That's a good trait.