do i have some sort of disorder?

[wierdo]

Hi again. well i post here all the time, agonising over something or other.. someone i know said you have borderline personality disorder.. so i thought i'd ask you guys..

heres the story

 

it comes down to guys with me (always with the guys) i'll tell you my history.

i'm a child of a single mum family, dad was not around (except occasionally and begrudgingly) mum was always at work. i'm trying to tell the facts here, not whine.. but it sounds like it, sorry.

anyway, always had trouble with boyfriends.

 

boyfriend one.. serious boyfriend.. live in. I was driving his car, and it (due to serious mechanical problems) crashed, and he died.

 

his family came and took our stuff, claiming it was his. (not all, but they left me with one thing of his)

 

boyfriend number two.. friend of bf1 and shoulder.. 2 year relationship.. cleaned out my bank and left with other woman.

 

boyfriend number three.. we have a baby together.. we discussed the shock pregnancy and decide to keep it.. until four months in and he leaves saying i've turned into a ***** and am nuts. (fact that i caught him cheating did not come into consideration)

 

potential boyfriend, very recently.. have seen each other for two weeks, and in a flat panic i ring him and demand to know where this is going after two nights crying because he didn't email or text.. now (understandibly) he hasn't called or emailed and i know it's my actions, but i cant help feeling . relieved?.. because i know where i stand (which is as far away from him as possible if he has any say in it)

 

i just cant help feeling like it's all going to end, and then demanding some sort of reassurance that just totally freaks people out..

 

and just lately i have been lacking direction in just about everything..

 

is there some sort of screw loose in my head..

 

also thik there might be a bit of attention seeking involved, cos i'm always here asking for advice.

 

well thanks

 

weirdo

[btbt]

weirdo,

 

I looked up borderline personality disorder in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders from the American Psychiatric Association). It says:

 

"The essential feature of BPD is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and market impulsivity..."

 

Okay, that describes all of us...but, seriously, I can't quote the entire thing here, but it is bascially describing a personality that reacts out of proportion to/synch with the event, feeling intense feelings in a relationship too soon, believing you are going to fail at a goal when to all other eyes you will succeed, and all this particularly when fear of abandonment is present. Again, I think this describes all of us, but it becomes a disorder when those emotions -- anxiety, rage, depression -- are so exaggerated that they interfere with normal functioning.

 

I'm not a psychiatrist -- and neither is your friend; why did he/she think she had the authority to "diagnose" you? If you are really concerned, I would see a psychiatrist and go from there.

 

What you are describing to me sounds like what a therapist told me was "catastrophizing," that is, imagining and believing the extreme worst outcome with little evidence of such an outcome. I've been doing cognitive behaviorial theraphy, which is supposed to help that. I'll share with you what one of the worksheets says -- I keep it taped to my bookshelf and look at the it frequently and it cools me down. Again, I'm not a mental health care professional, but sharing this as one person to another:

 

When you catastrophize, e.g. he'll never call me again! Ask yourself or better yet, write down:

 

1. What is the evidence to support this idea?

What is the evidence against this idea?

 

2. Is there an alternative explanation?

 

3. What is the *worst* that could happen? Could I live through it?

What's the *best* that could happen?

What's the *most realistic* outcome?

 

4. What should I do abou it?

 

5. What's the effect of believing my thought?

What could be the effect of changing my thinking?

 

6. If my friend -- was in this situation and had this thought, what would I tell him/her?

 

7. What's a more reasonable way to view this situation?

 

Good luke weirdo. You're not a weirdo, but someone who feels intensely and you should be proud of that.

[Shadows Light]

I agree with BTBT. I think I read your excerpt in a book...

 

"Feeling Good - The new Mood Therapy" by David D Burns, MD.

 

Great book. Lots of excersises...and he has you keep a diary recording your moods and your feelings. I do a simple calandar along side... X's for bad days... checks for good days... and see if you see a pattern.

 

You've been through alot kiddo. Who wouldn't be depressed or a little weirded out. Boyfriend no. 1 dying.. Boyfriend no 2 leaving... and No. 3 pregnancy....

 

You didn't say... have you already had the baby??? because with pregnancy comes all sorts of Hormonal behavioural stuff. Even up to a year after the baby is born... post partem....

 

Do yourself a favor... and Go see a Therapist for a quick look. It wouldn't hurt. Meanwhile.. while you are waiting for your appointment... make sure you are eating enough, drinking plenty of water... sleeping at least 8 hours...and get excersise.... WALK... get out and WALK. Even if you don't feel like it... get a pair of headphones on.. with HAPPY music...and get out there and move. It'll perk you right up. It'll elevate those serotonin happy hormones and help you think clearer.

 

Don't self diagnose...and don't let friends do it for you. Ever take a phsycology class??? wheewwww.... there's a phenomenon that happens to a lot of students.. they start thinking they have every symptom in the book.... don't do that to yourself. If you think you might have something going on... go talk to someone. For yourself...but mostly for your childs sake. Your baby needs his mother, happy and in good health.

 

In the meantime..... take care of your body. Concentrate on taking care of you physically and emotionally. And the rest will sort itself out. It always does.

 

Feel free to PM me at anytime.

[btbt]

I've been thinking about why some people jump into relationships and get so intensely involved so quickly (myself included). I thought maybe it's the movies and mass media that contribute to this. In movies, people meet, have a few minutes of romantic and sexual tension and then WHAM! cut to a scene where they are having passionate sex and starting to bulid a life together. Maybe the images and stories that we are innundated with has distorted our emotional velocity. What we don't see is the real life drudgery -- and failures -- of relatioship building . Just a thought...

 

Peace.

[Shadows Light]

BtBt- You are absolutely right. TV and Movies potray the ideal. LOL. Just like we all watched the BRADY BUNCH when we were kids..and wished we had a cool family like that.

 

Romance novels do the same. Idealize love to the 9th degree.

 

However, I'm an optimist...and would like to believe that most people enough up in their noggins to know that TV is just TV. Romance novels are fantasy. And what happens in the movies is not the real deal.

 

Everyday life is shlepping around and trying to find our way through this maze. No doubt about it.

 

Everyone's situation is different. And everyone has different tolerance levels... or different levels to what they would find acceptable in their relationship.

 

Even with the day to day schlepping of STUFF... I think that life is just so absolutey beautiful... there are just tonz of stuff to see, do, experience... and laugh about. If you find yourself crying more often than laughing... you need to find out why. And what you can do to change your situation.

 

Only you are responsible with how happy you are in this lifetime...and what makes you happy. No one else can do that for you. But it doesn't me...they have a right to steal your show either and poo-poo on your parade.

[wierdo]

thanks guys..

 

i reckon there's just something in me that craves acceptance or recognition.. something..

 

i just get freaky when people don't react to me the way i want them to..

 

i have written non potential any more boyfriend an email.. just kept it normal.. hey how are you etc. but i wish i wouldn't.

i really wanted to write a email about i'm sorry and i think he's great etc...

 

i don't think guys deal real well with that, so i didn't.

 

it sounds lame, but for me it was love at first sight.. i think for him it's like Fatal Attraction..poor bugger lol

 

i found the other day too, i invited my sister for lunch, and she couldn't because of work, and i got all sooky again.. she fortunately has the history with me to say "shut your face, tard" and i got over it.

 

i wish it was a hollywood movie.. by now i'd be married with 12 kids and making money by looking gorgeous (!)

 

Shadows, i do realise it's only fake, but i wish they wouldn't make it look so easy... where do they come up with that kind of tosh anyway???

 

lol

 

take care guys, thanks for the replies.. i'm feeling a bit better today.. calm before the storm perhaps??

 

i'll get over it i guess...

weirdo

[btbt]

Good luck, weirdo, and I hope the therapist can help you.

 

Yes, I think we are all smart enough to realize that TV and movies are just fiction. Just wish they didn't have such a strong impact on shaping our ideals and dreams!

[Shadows Light]

I know what you mean about those movies and books... LOL..

But isn't it fun to dream sometimes... an escape from reality just for 90 minutes or so... lol...

 

I could use a romantic comedy right about now.. just to lift my spirits a bit.

 

BTW... I absolutely adore that accent of yours... I can hear it in your writing. Take care... and PM me anytime you need a chat.