freeindeed Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 ...if a girl you were dating (and had just been on a few dates with) wouldn't kiss you? What if you knew that she wanted to take it slow, because of stuff that she went through in the past? Link to comment
OhioHeartBroken Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Hi free, I think we may need more information on this one but personally I think if I had gone 3 dates with someone and she did not want to kiss me than I think I may feel like she is not as interested in me as I am in her but I wouldn't go so far as to say it would hurt my ego. I am the type of guy that won't really go in for a kiss unless i feel a connection with someone anyways. In terms of what happened to you in the past. Does he know any specifics or does he just know that something in your past makes you not comfortable with kissing? I guess it depends on how much he knows. If he knows you want to take it slow and he is into you then hopeully it will not bug him too much. One recommendation I could make is that if you are afraid that not kissing him may give the wrong impression or may hurt his ego then compliment him in some other way to pump his ego back up a little bit. Let him know in other ways that you are into him. Compliment how he looks that night, or something about his smile, etc... That can go a long way. You can even show some physical affection with out kissing. Leaning against him, etc... I hope this helps Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 If I knew ahead of time why you wouldn't kiss, I would be OK. A lot of guys wouldn't though, we're not the most patient beings on the planet. Like I said though, I would be OK, but a part of me would be wondering why I'm being punished for something some other guy did in your past. What I'm trying to say that almost everyone has had past relationships that didn't work out. It doesn't mean, for me anyway, that I'm going to let what happened in the past with someone else, hurt my future with the person I'm with in the present. Just my opinion. Link to comment
Mysterious Gurl Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 what exactly is an ego? sorry I really have no idea?? Miya Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 If the guy knows wha the is getting into then I dont see how it can hurt his ego, especially given the circumstances. It would seem like a smarter move if he did things with this girl more in a casaul fashion rather than "dates" in order to build up her comfortability, then I doubt she wouldnt have the same problem. Link to comment
whatdoyado Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 what exactly is an ego? sorry I really have no idea?? Miya Someone who is egotistical is someone who thinks their all high and mighty and thinks no girl/boy will ever turn me down, but when someone actually turns them down it hurts there ego. Like the saying "your heads too big" There to cool for you type of deal. Guys really take it seriously. ex. guys don't like asking for directions because they don't NEED the help they can do it all by themselves. Link to comment
GettingOverIt Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Nah, I think if he understood from the get-go that you were gun-shy and wanted to take things slowly, then he would with no problem... That actually might even help alleviate any pressure he might have been putting on himself, too... Link to comment
Markers Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 ego = self image or something.. ? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Ego is excessive confidence, a feeling that you are better then everyone else. If the girl has been through something bad in the past, then the guy should be understanding and go at a pace she is comfortable with. If he cares about her then he will only want what makes her happy. He will aim to show that not all guys are mean and that she can trust him. Then when she is ready, the kiss will be sweeter because her heart will really be in it. Link to comment
pchellak Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Ego has a lot of meanings in the dictionary, i like this definition. Ego - Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem. Ego is necessary and everybody needs to have a healthy doze of it. Without ego people will run over you like a door mat. While the male ego may be bigger and may come from a basic animal instinct, the females have ego too. Someone without a ego needs professional help. Link to comment
darkblue Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Debate about the term 'ego' now. link removed's definition: 1.The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves. link removed psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality. a) An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit. b) Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem. Link to comment
darkblue Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 This is probably different from person to person. I think,however, slower is better. If she didn't want to rush into anything; i'd understand, there's no rush. Link to comment
Mysterious Gurl Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 so ego is your appearance then? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I take it to mean that ego is another way of saying you have confidence in yourself. It isn't necessarily a good or bad thing. We all need confidence. However, generally when I hear people talk about someones ego, they are talking about someone who is too confident, someone who is arrogant. So confidence is good, being told you have an ego most likely isn't. Link to comment
Mr. B Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 It wouldn't bother me, especially if she explicitly stated she wants to take her time. There's nothing wrong with a girl having self-respect. Link to comment
whatdoyado Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 The guy should respect the fact that the girl isn't ready to be kissed or just doesn't want to yet. If he can't respect that then what will he? If a guys ego is to big and he can't handle the fact that a girl told him no or wait then he has some issues to deal with and the girl is better of finding a man who will treat her with respect, but the girl does have to allow the guy an opportunity to understand why she doesn't want to kiss. It's fair to him on his behalf. Link to comment
Cecelius Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 ...if a girl you were dating (and had just been on a few dates with) wouldn't kiss you? What if you knew that she wanted to take it slow, because of stuff that she went through in the past? It's not an ego issue, it's a progress issue: 3 dates and no kiss? I assume my attentions are not desired. If you discuss it with him, perhaps he sees it your way, however. Link to comment
freeindeed Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 lol...Ego saved!!!!! I kissed him The reason why I asked is because I was really nervous and I just ended up blurting out "you're not gonna kiss me are you?" And as soon as it came out of my mouth, I felt stupid. I was just so nervous about it. But he laughed and gave me a hard time (jokingly) about saying it. And the next day he said he's never gonna let me live it down until I kissed him. He's so sweet. Everything's just fine, and his ego's right back in place Link to comment
nightshade19 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Well. i don't know. it depends on your relationship with the girl... and how shy she is.... If she is reall outgoing and dates alot or is sexually active.. then maybe i'd say... possibly that three dates show she's not that interested.. If she is an introverted girl and doesn't date too much. then no.. maybe it just takes a while for her to feelign comfortable being that intimate with someone. I went out with a guy... he had asked me out... and we went to a movie.... well.. he was kind of like all over me at the movie.. (no... nothing like trying to get to 2nd base) but he had his arms around me and was hugging me alot at the movie.. i really liked him alot too.. so later when we went to a little bar to get coffee.. and he still hadn't kissed me.. i was getting sort of impatient.. and hey.. i thought that since he already had his hands on me.. he wouldn't mind.. I reached up and kissed him on the mouth.. I don't think it was a French kiss.. but it sure wasnt' a peck on the lips... I was so embarrassed by his reaction.. he didn't seem pleased at all... he just said something like.. "Wow.. i feel like i'm in high school again!".. and NO he didn't kiss me back.. I felt like an idiot.. and so rejected.. He'd just gotten divorced so maybe that's why.. but hey. i'll NEVER EVER try to kiss a guy again if he hasn't kissed me... The weird thing about it though.. was that he wanted me to let him go home with me since he'd sort of had alot to drink throughout the evening.. I was thinking to myself.. what? Hey.. dude. you don't even seem to want to kiss me.. why should i let you come home with me? I couldn't really figure him out though.. if he wasn't attracted to me.. then why did he have his arms around me and let me put my arms around him at the movies?.. Talk about mixed messages!! If can figure out this behavior, please let me know. Link to comment
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