What makes your ex worth going back to?

[benevolent]

Just curious to read your feedback and stories? Is it true love? Fear of abandonment?

[overtheedge]

In my case, it was true love that was not nurtured. It's difficult to keep the romance in a long term relationship and even harder to to get it back once it's gone. I took the relationship for granted and now I'm paying for it. A lot of times, it is a situation where you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

[chai714]

Overtheedge made a good point. We often take things for granted when we come to expect they'll always be there. If you knew when something was going to happen (ex. death in the family, breakup in your relationship, or even loss of a job), you would have never taken it for granted in the first place. I admit, I was one who took my ex for granted.

 

What makes you want to be around someone else (including your ex)? She was a major source of happiness - I was happy around her. It's human nature to want to be around someone or something that makes you happy. I'm not sure if your question is aimed at particular traits, or if it is just a general question. I can say for certain though, is that a big part of wanting your ex back is the mere fact is that humans want what they can't have. Beyond that though, lie deeper reasons such as strong emotional ties, lots of common ground, shared values, and more.

[PlayBrat]

This is an interesting question...considering one thing many stress is why NOT to go back to an ex. Well...first it depends on WHY you broke up..of course. If there were no third parties involved or any irreversible damage, then you can usually assume there are MANY reasons to go back to an ex. If it's because you were just ambivalent and needed some "space" or time it is worth considering taking an ex back. One thing many people..myself included ...do..is NOT give someone the appropriate space or time to think things through. We all want instant gratification..and we want it right here right now..on OUR terms. That's not how it works.

So to answer your question...when to take an ex back..itdepends much on your situation. Do you feel like that person is a highlight in your life? Do you feel that person completes you? Or are they a hindrance? Do they respect you? Can you live withOUT them and be 100% happy? These are all things you need to consider before you come to this decision.

Hope that helps...

[freeindeed]

Overwhelming fear of abandonment, along with a a little fear that you won't be able to click with anyone else the EXACT same way.

[dlils21]

Great question. For me it's alot of stuff. But mostly it's the way they make me feel. How well they know me, and how i don't believe anyone else will be able to do those thing for me. Not to mention all the great memories, and the want to make more great memories.

 

Maybe it's the fear of the unkown...that scares us all.

 

Very valid point whomever said that we don't appreciate the ones we love until they are gone. Sometimes it's that whole, "wow i should of done this, and this mentality" let's go back and make it right.

[brando]

Chai i think you hold a valid point, wanting what we cant have, that we once had and no longer posess.

 

I know relationships are not about possession, but with ex's i think that since we were part of their lives once and now aren't creates this cycle of conflict.

 

 

dlils, another good point, after some time passes some of us do learn where we went wrong, and would like to prove to ourselves the ex that it was okay and their is another way to handle it. It just appears that after on (usually the dumpee) learns this the dumper is far to removed emotionally to reconsider..

 

 

two reasons to wanting to rekindle an old flame.

[kmk12]

Besides the fact that my situation included my ex and me to be eachothers first loves. I strongly agree with the comment made about the good times spent together and the amount of good times that may once again be made together. I know in my situation we left on the terms of I had said things which "hurt" her and she needed time and space, but, she still loved me, and I still love her very much. Now I have to live with the fact that mabey we will get back together, but, mabey we won't. I guess only time will tell.

 

But back to loveing eachother, if in a few months down the line we still do love eachother....and assuming I have worked hard on my flaws, and she on hers, why would your ex not be worth going back to. I feel that in any longterm relationship that dosnt end in cheating....or backstabbing a second chance should be given as long as both parties are willing. Afterall what dosnt kill you can only make you stronger right??

 

Kev

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

this is a wonderful question. i agree with a previous poster, its refreshing to read a question like this one when so many questions are aimed towards NOT taking an ex back. its my belief that, if you were happy with that person, and if there was no infidelity/irreversible damage you should definitely reconsider it. sometimes things happen at bad times but it doesnt mean that you should never re-visit that experience.

 

i believe what makes an ex worth going back to is how that person treated you. did he/she respect you, love you unconditionally, and accept you? it is extremely hard to find someone who accepts you fully and finding a person like that is a blessing. also, can you function without them? did your life become less enjoyable in their absense? do you share common values/beliefs? does your ex make you feel loved? are you ok with the thought of them being with someone other than you for the rest of your life? i believe if your relationship was based on a healthy friendship it is definitely worth trying.

 

many people are black and white and think that if it didnt work out the first time it wasnt meant to, thats BS. everything deserves a second chance.

 

i hope a lot of people reply to this post. i'm intrigued.

[chai714]

many people are black and white and think that if it didnt work out the first time it wasnt meant to, thats BS.

 

You are right on here. In fact, (not to get too off topic though) "meant to be" does not exist. There are so many cliches out there that people want to believe, because they can't offer any other explanation, so they throw around a Hollywood blanket term such as "meant to be" out there.

 

I believe that any abusive relationship should be abandoned for good, but as plasticheartsandsmiles said - if there was a strong friendship, then it is worth trying again. The more difficult part would be making your ex think on the same wavelength as you.

[jflatt]

Another one of those Hollywood blanket statements my most current ex used on me is that I can live with you, not without you. The whole line about marrying the one you can't live with out, not the one you can live with.

[RayKay]

What makes your ex worth going back to...

 

If you both feel it is worth it, have realized the mistakes, found ways to address them now and in the future other issues, opened up the communication channels and decided that it is what you BOTH want to do.

 

I think I will use Hope75's situation as a good "reconciliation" with reasons on both their sides for why it is "worth" it for them.

 

I think a person can always provide reasons "why" the ex is worth trying to regain back - love, the way they made them feel, friendship, loss, fear - are those reasons always the right reasons? Maybe to them yes, to an outsider who has been there, perhaps not.

 

If an ex does not want you though anymore or the relationship, I really think that is good enough reason NOT to go back. Same with of course abuse, infidelity and a few other specific issues.

 

And even though Chai says meant to be is a Hollywood cliche and does not exist, I personally believe from my own experiences it really DOES exist. I don't use it to excuse situations or give a reason necessarily without justification (ie the relationship ended as it was meant to be) as I look at where thing went wrong and so on, but I do think that there are reasons for why things occur, though sometimes we don't know WHY until much later on.

 

I believe when one door closes, another one opens to us...it is staying by that closed door hoping it opens again and failing to venture down the hall to the other that prevents us from seeing that the universe has more planned for us than we had thought.

[fantasia2004]

good question!

 

What makes your ex worth going back to?

 

Sometimes after separating you realized it wqs so good that you wish you can keep that feeling alive don't let go. Like sex.

 

The mistakes you have made. The words you have said harshly to someone to hurt them without meaning or realizing you said it.

 

Everything, including retaining the memories you have shared. The good the bad and the ugly

[moonunit]

he was the first person i ever clicked with and responded to in such a great way it was scary. felt like we had known each other for years. he was the first man i ever considered being married to and having kids with and if you know me...this was a doozy as i never wanted to be married and never wanted kids.

 

so what makes him worth going back to...hmmm if circumstances were different - it would have to be our connection/comfort with one another. we 'get' each other. both are odd in certain ways but clicked in the right way. we had fun together and it just came so easily, never forced.

 

i've dated a lot and im not some young chicka, never have been in a ltr until him and neither has he - no one else seemed to make the grade. so if my circumstances were different and there was a chance that we would get back together, i think that i'd have to say that.

[starion]

i guess i will give my input as well

in my case everytime in past once the break up was done it was done, i either saw no way back or the other party didn't want to get back.

this time was different

i left(i can give the whole story, but it is not the point)

started dating someone else thought i moved on, couple months later started thinking back while being with someone else, tried to fight it for months, wouldn't go away

 

so, in my case

1. not fear of being alone, since i was with someone

2. no feeling of abandonment for same reason

3. true love, who knows?

4. fear of not being with that person forever and ever, most definitely

 

also along the way i got depressed and confused which doesn't help matters.

[Hope75]

What makes your ex worth going back to...

 

If you both feel it is worth it, have realized the mistakes, found ways to address them now and in the future other issues, opened up the communication channels and decided that it is what you BOTH want to do.

 

I think I will use Hope75's situation as a good "reconciliation" with reasons on both their sides for why it is "worth" it for them.

 

Awww...RayKay,

 

Thanks!

 

We certainly like to think so, and it took alot of work to get where we are now. Definitely worth it!

[Bounder]

I know this is an old post, but I found it intriguing and it hit a lot of what I am thinking about. My ex and i have a lot of history, good and bad. It never bothered me, but our recent break up, involving another guy, some lying and potential cheating (she denies it but everyone says its true) and my own mistake 2 years ago give us a big hill. Until a few weeks ago I thought there was no hill I couldnt climb until she told me she just didnt want me, even though I was amazing.

 

How then, do I still see myself taking her back? I dont know. is it weakness on my part, fear of being alone? A little, but i have started to see what I have to offer (my passions for so many things, curiosity about people, loyalty, compassion, humour) and realize I would likely find someone else. Even though i KNOW she is not perfect, if I felt she felt the same way, then i could take her back because she has so much energy, passion, and curiosity about life as well.

[greenmonster]

For me personally and in my situation as to why I want to go back to my ex....

 

because we fit together perfectly on the couch.

 

because after spending two and a half years together we had learned eachothers sexual behaviors and the things she did wern't weird or kinky or anything like that...but they were just the little stupid things that turned me on more than anyone else ever did.

 

because her family and mine get along well.

 

because when my job or anything else stressed me out too much she is the only person that could tell me "its gonna be ok" and make me feel better because I believed her

 

because I took her for granted that she would just be there always, and once I lost her I realized how much of my life I had lost, and how important she was to me, and how much I loved her.

 

because she and I had our own language

 

because I know how great of a mother/wife she will be one day and I want to be the fater/husband

 

because we compliment eachother, in the way that I am loud and outgoing, while she is more quiet and reserved. but when we get together I get to see her outside of the public eye and its more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.

 

because her eyes could penetrate my soul.

 

because she is who she is, unlike any other girl in the world

 

because I love her

[SeaDogg]

Wow, I started to reply, then read greenmonster's post... I was putting EVERY one of those down... but was going to add some more...

 

Because we knew what we wanted out of life as individuals and as a couple, and were both helping one another to achieve our goals

 

Because we knew where we wanted to live and the lifestyle it would be

 

Because we knew what each other was all about, every little detail about one another we knew about

 

Because it was perfect mix and match of great times, good times, bad times, sad times, and everything else in between.

 

Because she had the most beautiful eyes, which I could stare into for hours

 

Because whenever we hugged we molded together like, well a nut going on a bolt I guess... a perfect fit

 

Because there's so much that I learned over the past months which I know would make her even more in love with me if I were to go back in time

 

Because we had a dozen nicknames for eachother

 

Because she always had a smile on her face that would make me fall even more in love with her every day

 

Many more, but the list could go on and on and on

[WantMyBabeBack]

I want my ex back because:

 

We weren't together for 4.5 years for no reason

 

He was my best friend - even before we started going out

 

We wanted the same things out of life

 

We had fantastic times - holidays etc, I could do what we did with no one else

 

We both were very compatable sexually - wanted the same things

 

We were so compatible you have no idea

 

We wanted to get married

 

We were there for each other

 

We hardly argued

 

We were soulmates...........

 

and.............

 

I want my soulmate back.......................