Am I doing something wrong or is he controlling?

[rainsreign]

So... last night I was talking to my bf. He got mad because he said my discussion topics were too gross for dinnertime conversation. My sister is in El Salvador and got a parasite and was having a really bad time keeping anything in her system, basically nothing was staying in, and had to go to the hospital. That was exactly how I worded it. Then we started talking about medicating people with psychological problems and how it is necessary at times, and I was telling him about someone I knew on the east coast (no names) that felt it was important to be medicated because she was trying to cut herself open to take something out of her (she was delusional, not trying to kill herself). He got upset saying it was no time to talk about such things ("at the dinner table").

 

Then he started going off about how I shouldn't talk about my sister that way, that she wouldn't want people to know about her problem. I said that if my sister was there she would tell him herself, that it is so common down there that there is no shame around it.

 

Then this morning, he started going off about it again. He was joking about my housemate using butt plugs and I was like, hey, don't talk about that. It's actually true (I live with a married couple) and she was talking about it openly and when my bf and I were talking about sex I mentioned that to him. He started saying I shouldn't have told him about that and then started saying the stuff about my sister again... I tried to defend myself at first, but I was just frustrated. And when I ignored him he got mad telling me to get out of his bed and to leave and not to call him. So I did. The thing is, he does this whenever he gets mad.

 

I mean, did I do something wrong or is he just controlling? Cause I don't feel like I did anything wrong.

[misery12]

You did nothing wrong. Realize that. While reading this, I was wondering what was wrong with this guy. You were just trying to have a conversation, and he gets angry with you.

Next time he does this, just say.. "sorry, im just trying to have a conversation with you." or something, and make it blatantly obvious that what he is doing is wrong. Then leave, go for a walk, or a drive.

 

He will realize that he has a mood problem, and will apologize in time... if he doesn't realize it, and continues to do it.. then why be with him, unless you can handle the frusturation.

 

Just have some self-respect, and have the nerve to get up and walk away when you're not being treated well.

[sidehop]

Well honestly, I would've said "LOL honey we're eating, can we talk about this after dinner?" and smile. It's not too gross but the idea of 'parasites' in any word really isn't the stuff to talk about at dinner.

 

But it's not really a good reason to argue over and bring it back up the next day. Especially saying to get out of the bed and acting all immature doesn't help the situation at all.

 

It almost sounds like you two have communication issues. Instead of stabbing each other because the other person said something that may have been offensive, listen to each other and be respectful.

[rainsreign]

yeah, i guess it just bothers me that he always has double standards about behavior. it's fine for him to talk about all sorts of nasty things, but just because we're "eating dinner" we can't... i feel like there are all sorts of rules about when i can or can't say something.

[misery12]

Wait for him to bring something up that is sort of like your topic, and then ask him why it's okay for him to talk about it.

You have to get them in the midst of doing it, to have the best impression.

This way, he'll see what he did, and how he reacts in situations like these.

[DN]

In answer to your question: I don't think he is controlling and I agree that your dinner table conversation was less than gracious - but he should also be reminded about not having a double standard.