What are the benefits?

[PlayBrat]

Guys it seems many of us are having a bad day today..and need encouragement.I am no different... BAD day here too...

I started NC with someone and need to be reminded of exactly

HOW I will benefit from NOT contacting him.

I will paste and copy it in email so I can read it when I get weak...

I know it won't be so bad in a few weeks...but right now, it IS bad.

Also..has anyone HERE responded to NC being done to you?? How long did it take?

Thanks...and hugs to all those who need it today

[punchy504]

outta sight outta mind

 

lets you focus on other things so you can move on

[kazman32]

NC=Healing for you!

[Wimpy]

Also..has anyone HERE responded to NC being done to you?? How long did it take?

 

It's been said many times already but PlayBrat you need to acknowledge that we don't do NC as a way of getting our ex's back...we do it as a way to heal and move on. If you're going into it hoping it will make them get in touch you may be setting yourself up for only more disappointment.

 

I'm into almost 10 weeks since my ex broke up with me in an e-mail and it will be 12 weeks since we had any verbal contact (wow! hadn't realised that it was that long ). In all that time I've only sent one e-mail to which I've had no response but to which none was expected. The NC thing for me was done to give myself some distance and start myself on the road to healing. I'll admit that I also realised it would finally answer that nagging question I'd had in the back of my mind on the other couple of occasions where we'd stopped communicating..ie. "I wonder if I'd not gone back to talk to him would he have contacted me????".

 

I now know the answer... NO!

 

Do NC for YOURSELF and not to try and win an ex back.

 

However, all that said I hope your day gets better. Work through this and I promise you'll feel stronger at the end of it. Eventually the time between "bad" days becomes longer and longer.

[chai714]

HOW I will benefit from NOT contacting him.

 

NC is to begin the process of emotional detachment. It is to heal up, so that if/when you do make contact with your ex, you're able to make sound decisions and act on logic rather than emotional impulses. NC also gives you perspective on the situation as a whole, so that you see it more objectively as opposed to more emotionally.

 

I'm not a huge advocate of NC on this board, and only advocate it when someone is still emotional about their ex. Because what usually happens is they make contact and do/say all the wrong things. They go declaring their feelings and chase their ex even farther away.

[PlayBrat]

Thanks to those who replied...

Today is just an EXTRA bad day...I can't focus, and I am at work...

where I NEED to focus!

I am trying to gain momentum in strength, but I think that will not come as soon as I need it to.

I will post when I am feeling stronger...

Thanks for your kind words.

[danimal77]

The only poster on here I FULLY agree with is Chai. Out of sight, out of mind is almost ridiculous to say. Do you forget about your best friends you had when you were young, or that favorite teacher, because they are NO longer in your life? Of course you don't and you don't forget about your ex either and they don't forget about you, if there were feelings there to begin with that is...

 

The only poster on here I agree with is Chai, but I will add my two cents. I used to advocate that there was nothing wrong with being in contact with our ex's if we were able to control our emotions and NOT say the wrong thing, but it's not just about us. It's also about our ex's as well. They also may need some time to sort out their own hurt and pain and their own coming to terms with their decision. I used to believe that you had to be there to remind them of your presense, so that they wouldn't forget, but today, I know that just because you maintain contact right away or soon after, it doesn't mean that it will be quality and chances are the problems that were there, will start re-occurring almost right away and SO, NC is there to help us all heal and regain our confidence and our independence and let time make us and our ex's see things differently.

 

Someone on here mentioned how they sent their ex an email after NC and mentioned how their ex never did reply. I would REALLY be curious to know what was written in that email. I would bet anything that it was somehow related to feelings, which is what MUST be avoided at all costs. IT's not always about being honest with our feelings. It's about showing restraint and not putting back on the pressure that drove most of them away in the first place..

 

Hope this answers your question.

 

Hang in there,

 

Danimal

[PlayBrat]

I came early because I just couldn't be at work...

I have been crying off and on all day. Maybe I need

to get this out.

I have had the urge to email him and tell him how I feel...

and ask him how he could see me the other day and tell me

how beautiful I looked...and then just disregard me so easily? What was his goal? Why didn't he just tell me when he saw me ? This hurts so much worse.

I am not going to contact him...

I hate feeling so weak and needy.....it is SO not me.I think I am just as mad at myself as I am with him for allowing myself to get to this point.

Thanks for letting me rant...

[danimal77]

PlayBrat,

 

I've been where you are right now. Please sweetheart, whatever you do, DON'T email him. Don't call him. Don't do anything in the current emotional state you are in... It will make the situation worse. It will scare him off even more and it will just kill you more in the process...

 

For now, do everything in your power to surround yourself with things and people that won't remind you of him and eventually, with time you will grow stronger and see things a little more clearly (with your head and NOT only your head).

 

If you have any questions for me, feel free to pm, okay?

 

Dan

[PlayBrat]

Thank you Danimal, You give really good heartfelt advice, as do many on here...I truly am taking it to heart an applying it. I know I would only set myself back if I contact him and I just want to get out of this hole, so I can see the sun again...and just be happy..TRULY happy again.

I know that will take some time...in the meantime expect to see me here I hope I can others as much they have helped me ...

You you once again

[PlayBrat]

Oops.... mascara was running..lol I meant THANK you once again..lol

[Mun]

I think the most important reason to do NC is to walk away from the break up with some class. That's your first step to healing. You don't want to beg and cry your eyes out to someone who can up and leave you just like that do you? If you're doing NC then you can't exactly do any of this...so NC saves you from yourself in a sense .

 

Indirectly it can force your ex to wonder if (because you seem to have disappeared) YOU have moved on...and sometimes they contact you.

[brando]

the benefits are

 

1.) healing. The most important element after a break up.

 

2.)perspective. This is gained from my experience after some healing, very important if still in contact with an ex.

 

3.) composure. After healing and gaining a different perspective, ne will gain composure.

 

4.)Self respect. by taking time and refraining from speaking to an ex ones emptions can cool down.

 

NC is not about getting an ex back. Big misconception, their are no guarantees in life. Love is a risk.

 

By not contacing, you will have the time to recover from the shock, the pain and detach from the emotional drama.

 

However, one also has to be aware of themselves, and understand what this process of healing is about. And be willing to make the changes they feel will enrich their life, if the ex comes back...okay, if not okay.

 

It is hard to say they will come back, and it is also hard to say they wont.

 

I in no way promote false belief...and i realize more than ever one never knows what is possible in this life. Im not suggesting hanging on to a reconciliation... and i am not saying o rule it out completely.

 

The last thing i can add is the best benefit of nc, is youget your life back.You can leran to live again for yourself...very important especilly if one got lost in a relationship, since from what i read on these boards shows this time and time again.