Best Friend and ex lover visiting and staying with GF

[NighttimeNightmare]

On 4/13/2024 at 4:05 PM, jackie103 said:

She said that she would tell T that she just wanted to be friends and that he would need to sleep on the couch when he was visiting.

Ok wait. So does this mean that the visitation, see below:

 

On 4/13/2024 at 4:05 PM, jackie103 said:

This year, he will be visiting her in May and staying at her place. She calls him one of her best friends and that just like any best friend, even in a relationship, she would want to visit him and she would want him to visit her.

… was for sex and a potential relationship? Because it sounds like that was the case, why else would she need to have a discussion with him about how she “just wants to be friends” and so he “needs to sleep on the couch”?   In an actual friendship, those things go without saying  

 

sorry, this whole thing rubs me the wrong way. calling it a friendship at every turn, but one does not have to explain to a friend that they’re “just a friend” and thus you won’t be sleeping with them [this time] when they visit

this isn’t a best friend, this is a f*ck buddy. 

[MissCanuck]

26 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

why else would she need to have a discussion with him about how she “just wants to be friends” and so he “needs to sleep on the couch”?

Precisely. 

Best friends don't need to tell each other they are just friends, because they already know. This sort of conversation wouldn't need to happen at all.

This would be akin to me announcing that rain makes the street not dry. 

[tattoobunnie]

You stay over her place, while he stays over at yours.  Done!  And she brings up the 14 yr old bit because after all this time, they have chosen NOT TO BE TOGETHER.

She wants you, and chooses you.

Some people know how to keep their pants on.

[yogacat]

On 4/16/2024 at 1:43 PM, NighttimeNightmare said:

… was for sex and a potential relationship? Because it sounds like that was the case, why else would she need to have a discussion with him about how she “just wants to be friends” and so he “needs to sleep on the couch”?   In an actual friendship, those things go without saying  

This is such a good observation and totally agree.

If my best guy friend, who I've known since we were eight, crashed at my place (we've never been romantically interested in the other or dated), he'd probably opt for a hotel because it's more convenient. In this case, I wouldn't have to specify that he has to sleep on the couch because we're just friends. He can crash in the spare room and that's that. The sleeping arrangements wouldn't revolve around our friendship, just the practical aspects of having guests.

Your girlfriend is having an ex-lover stay over at her house. There are many monogamous people that wouldn't be okay with this. Even if it is purely platonic it doesn't negate that you can't 'unknow' what you know and have reassurances that nothing will cross a line.

It isn't unreasonable to ask her why she needs to have someone who has had overwhelming sexual chemistry with her stay with her, and have him sleep over too.