20 year college reunion

[jnr586]

My 20 year college reunion is next month. In college

I semi-dated a girl whose heart I was absolutely reckless with. I didn't quite realize I was gay at the time, was quietly but madly in love with my best friend, and treated her like an absolute afterthought. It culminated in me ghosting her for two months, her getting drunk, inviting me over one night, and having an absolute (and probably justified) meltdown about how much I'd hurt her.

I was 21 at the time and had a lot to learn about life and myself. I've always felt bad about the way l'd treated her and didn't quite realize I could be so hurtful. There never really was closure on the situation.

I expect to see her at our reunion. I have since accepted my sexuality, married a wonderful man, and am quite happy. l've always wanted to apologize but it always seemed weird to contact her out of the

blue.

Do I apologize when I see her? Or will I seem like a crazy person to think someone else still cares about a brief relationship half of a lifetime ago?

个

[ShySoul]

It's never to late to apoligize if you really mean it. Personally, if a person I hadn't seen in years reached out to me to say they were sorry for something they had done to me, I would be touched. It would show me that despite whatever had happened, some part of them did feel bad and cared about me. Plus I wouldn't want them to still be holding onto something from so long ago. If I could help them let go of something thats been weighing them down, why wouldn't I?

Most likely she has let this go herself long ago. But she would probably still feel good hearing it from you. Just as important, it would be good for your mental health. It would be a chance to make amends for something that you say you've always felt bad about. People can build up a lot of regrets in their life and often we don't have a chance to correct them. If you have an opportunity to do so, I say take it.

[Wiseman2]

Bring a date, have fun and if you do see her if would be fine to make amends.

[Batya33]

In 1993 I declined my then serious boyfriend's proposal - I'd been over the moon about him for years but we'd been back and forth too -his doing.  We were in our mid 20s.  He was absolutely in denial he was gay and he  didn't cheat on me I am very confident in that.  This was the early 90s. All I knew was this weird sense -despite intense passion, chemistry, awesome sex life - that I felt "alone" when I was with him- that I'd feel cold/alone in a marriage to him.  He was kind of distant which - sorry -was sort of "masculine" in a way - but he was distant because he was struggling with his orientation I guess.

We saw each other once at a mutal friend's gathering 5 years later. But 5 years after that -he'd moved to San Francisco (!) - I was visiting his city and we'd been in very casual touch over the years and he asked to meet for coffee.  I was intrigued but -I mean I'd  totally moved on.  When we met he told me about being gay and he was with his now husband.  I asked very little -I mean - this was so in the past.

Our mutual friend told me he'd confided in her that he knew if I'd married him he'd have been living a double life so it all worked out.  We are still in touch 21 years later mostly on FB -seen each other one other time.  He is happily married to his husband -we each married men the same year - he had to wait till it was "legal". I'm so glad he told me.  He didn't really need to apologize at all -I mean I hurt him too declining a proposal I guess.  It all worked out -but again -I was so glad he met with me face to  face and told me and I'm happy he found happiness and acceptance!

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, jnr586 said:

Do I apologize when I see her? 

I believe you saying “I married a man” should be enough hint of what happened. 

Are you doing it because of you or because of her? Because after 20 years, she probably got over it. You didnt write that but maybe she married too and has kids. Kinda doubt she didnt forgot about it by now. Probably doesnt have the best memories of it since you did hurt her. But in time people naturally forgive some stuff and move on. So dunno if it would do anything in terms of making her better.

But if you want to do it for yourself and for your own piece, and because you want to genuinely apologize, then OK. 

[boltnrun]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Bring a date, have fun and if you do see her if would be fine to make amends.

I'm guessing his husband might object to him bringing a date!

13 hours ago, jnr586 said:

I have since accepted my sexuality, married a wonderful man

I agree with the part about saying something if you do run into her. I'm guessing she will understand.

[jnr586]

For anyone interested, I caught up with my ex at the reunion. She was lovely and friendly from the get go, but I made a point of apologizing anyway. I think she really appreciated it. It felt good to me as it gave me a bit of closure.