Plans to settle down

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'd get clear about exactly what I want from a partner after nearly 7 years,

Also ask yourself is this property just a symbol of generally not trusting his level of commitment to you? It's literally a concrete way to distract yourself from deeper issues. Almost like certain women or men who use the having a family thing as a test -if you really wanted to be with me you'd be ready to have a baby. I would get clarity on what you absolutely want, what time limit you have (even internally) if he doesn't want that "yet" etc.  Then have a sober talk where you actually listen without rehearsing your "case" for the property or whatever.

If I'm reading this right -might not be of course!  It's not the 7 years that's  the issue -many couples progress at their own pace together or feel that marriage would not be a "progression" of their commitment.  All good.  You see his forging ahead to buy his own property as a sign he doesn't want to be with you or marry  you.  But first get clear - is it really just if he said okkkkk sweetie let's buy that property you want so badly - and then how about we have a combined housewarming and engagement party or wedding ceremony??

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

...is this property just a symbol of generally not trusting his level of commitment to you? ... like certain women or men who use the having a family thing as a test -if you really wanted to be with me you'd be ready to have a baby.

Yes, and a joint property buy is a huge leap into a pressure cooker. If you've spent 7 years living apart with no progression toward sharing any kind of living space together, why not try cohabitating in an apartment, or one of you buys their own property while the other rents from them?

Sharing a mortgage without first having learned whether you are compatible while living together is a huge financial and emotional risk.

[virtualjedi]

Congrats on trying to take the next steps in buying property, however with the two of you still unmarried, it would be wise to possibly rent a little more until things possibly clear up between the differences in where you two wish to buy a property. It is a big expense and a big deal when buying a home for the first time, and it can take time, even years to find the right property. I would focus on the relationship more and keep looking at properties until maybe both of you can agree on something you both like.