Bully colleague

[turtle3]

Guys help!

I am 38 years old woman, studing master in chemistry and doing part time job as sales perosn in Germany. 

The shop was opened in August and I am since opening there and I know everything to do there. Many people resigned from there and in one moment one older woman and me, we were left to open and close and take care of all.

In December came one woman 35 years old, friendly, wanted to learn everything and I was so happy about her, taught her everything patiently, although nobody did the same for me when everything was new. I told other older lady colleague not to give her any hard time, so that she is not stressed and stays with us, since there was no one we two could rely to.  Also this girl sent me nice message for Bday in January, we talked a lot, went together home, hugged each other for goodbye. She has a 14 years old daughter who is depressed and is not going to school. Girl has attacks of anger and is beating her. I felt really sorry and tried to listen and support her about helping her daughter and I taught that I also have a friend n her.

Now the older lady had surgery and is not in the shop since last 2 weeks, we are currently 9 employees but all part time job (20 hours a week), and some are 10 hours a week. So the company sent anoither woman from another store to be our manager, and this 35 years old new colleague started being so close to this new manager and started giving me orders! It escalated this saturday, when she asked me if I changed prices for all jogging pants for boys on Friday, where I said yes and believe it or not she started to search and among 200-300 jogging pants she found 2 pants where price was not changed! And told me aha I found you did not do two! Like in joke, but it was scary!

Then she changed prices on baby toys and asked me to put it on place and said do you know where are baby toys?!?!?! I am 6 months in the store, she is less than 2 months and she is asking me if I know where toys are. BTW our store is pretty small. Andat the top of everything she asked me to come to office behind to talk!!!!!!!!!!! Where I refused and said that I am not planning to do it. Then she just went home. Today we worked 2 hours together, i tried to avoid her and she was acting like everything is like before and I was giving quick answers, then she asked is everything is all right where I said yes, she said that I look sad.

After that on saturday I could not sleep and I am really upset. Management does not care for anything and I do not want to get involved in any drama. I really do my job and go home. She can be bipolar or I don't know, but it is not my problem. I find her scary. This week we have to work 3 more days together for 2 hours and I am so stressed. It is not easy to find part time job. I don't know how to handle this situation. I am angry for being so friendly and helped her to learn all fast, which nobody helped me, now she got wings and I don't know wat she wants from me.

Sorry for long post.

[Batya33]

Since this is just part time and not your career -would it be difficult to find another position? Can you work for your school as a teaching or research assistant? I'm sorry you're struggling.

[turtle3]

Problem is, the city I am living is very small and full of students. There are not many jobs. This is perfect job for me, I mean it was before she came. It is near the University and where I live. I will finish all in October, but till October I need to work since the life here is very expensive. At University there are some 10 hours jobs and contracts are from 1 to 3 months, it is not worth it. The money is double less than in this shop. Phd students are paid, master not.

[catfeeder]

Whenever I see someone's behavior on a job turn bizarre, I know that it's only a matter of time before they hang themselves or quit for some other drama in their lives. Especially if it's only a part time job.

If your new manager is at all intelligent, she'll see the catty behavior for what it is. Frankly, if someone wanted to embarrass themselves by doublechecking every tag I did, I'd find that amusing. What a bozo.

 

[turtle3]

Yes, imagine checking each tag for jogging pants for boys, and in that moment there was a lot of clothes where we needed to reduce prices. Then I was printing new prices and I put new price under the old one, so that customers can see the old price. She came and screamed no! It is written in some book we have, that new price has to go over old one!

New manager is one lady who is just changing this old lady that had leg surgery, she is not very interested, this week she has leave Thursday, Friday and Saturday, so this crazy will be opening, I will be closing, but for some hours we will be working together. Even two hours with her is such a stress for me.

[catfeeder]

7 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

Even two hours with her is such a stress for me.

I hear, but question why it 'must' be a stress. She's ridiculous, but she has no power over you.

[turtle3]

You are right, but how not to get upset on her provocations? What would you tell her in such situations? She is following me when I am sorting clothes and asking if I need help?!?!? Things like that, scary also. I avoided today every eye contact, I was observing where she works, I go to other side, but it is so annoying to do so.

[boltnrun]

Whenever someone at work tries to upset me I go overboard with being super efficient and polite. That way they have nothing they can report me about.

Someone today sent a very rude email and I replied with proof I had given the correct information. The other lady who was also sent the email responded very politely and positively. The rude lady gave up. 

[catfeeder]

16 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

You are right, but how not to get upset on her provocations? What would you tell her in such situations? She is following me when I am sorting clothes and asking if I need help?!?!?

Honey, this is someone with nothing more engaging in her life than to become obnoxious on a part time job. You're a chemistry grad student. You get to decide how seriously you want to take her. I'd think she's pretty funny. I'd humor her kindly rather than get defensive with her.

If she offers help, thank her for asking. You can say you don't need help, but if she needs something to do, she's welcome to help. If she criticizes your work, tell her she's welcome to improve upon anything she's like to.

Keep some notes in case you're asked about anything she does wrong, but otherwise, let her enjoy herself.  

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Honey, this is someone with nothing more engaging in her life than to become obnoxious on a part time job. You're a chemistry grad student. You get to decide how seriously you want to take her. I'd think she's pretty funny. I'd humor her kindly rather than get defensive with her.

If she offers help, thank her for asking. You can say you don't need help, but if she needs something to do, she's welcome to help. If she criticizes your work, tell her she's welcome to improve upon anything she's like to.

Keep some notes in case you're asked about anything she does wrong, but otherwise, let her enjoy herself.  

How about if she follows you around do some pretend coughing/sniffling and say "Oh thanks so much for offering -I'm ----- (get ready for a cough or sneeze) --- just fine (cough into elbow) - oh sorry that must be something I just drank - dontcha hate when that happens???"

[turtle3]

Hahahahaha good idea!!! I can pretend that I have cold! 🤣

You all have right, I was polite and not going on, but on Saturday when she invited me in back office to talk, it was too much. I know every corner of the shops after 6 months and she keeps following me and asking if I need help. I just want her to leave me alone. From my side she was welcomed, I made sure that she felt accepted when se was new. Hopefully she stops. It is not solution always to pull back with such people.

[catfeeder]

18 hours ago, turtle3 said:

It is not solution always to pull back with such people.

You can certainly pull back your investment in such people, there' nothing 'wrong' with that. It's just that you don't need to view any perceived challenge from her as important. This liberates you from any need for defense. If she wants to play a role of self-importance, then consider why it 'must' be harmful to indulge her when, instead, this can be the easiest and most amusing route to peace and harmony--at no cost to you.

Head high.

[Wiseman2]

On 2/5/2024 at 6:55 PM, turtle3 said:

.After that on saturday I could not sleep and I am really upset. Management does not care for anything and I do not want to get involved in any drama. I really do my job and go home. She can be bipolar or I don't know, but it is not my problem. I find her scary. 

If you need this job and they hire university students, unfortunately you have to make the best of the situation, rather than claim she's bipolar and ruining your life. Pick your battles and learn to deal with difficult people more effectively.

[Coily]

The easiest Solution is when she's asking you if you need help, ask if she needs a refresher lesson. Turn each moment of that into a "Well this is how you do X" and act dumbfounded if she doesn't accept a "lesson." "Oh sorry, I thought you weren't confident enough to do this on your own."

[turtle3]

Thank you guys for your advices. She started sharing in whatsapp some quotes like she likes clear communication, real people and such stupid things. I did not see it but other colleague made screenshots and showed me.

Then yesterday she asked me if everything is ok between us, where I answered from my side it is, then she said she thinks I am avoiding her, I said no, I am not avoiding anyone, I am doing my work and let other people do their work and then she started to cry! OMG! Then it went to the point where she started saying how she taught that we are good friends, it hurts her how I ignore her...my God, i never wanted to be friends!...long story short we are again good and we made clear what is the problem, let's see if she really stops being bossy...

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, turtle3 said:

Thank you guys for your advices. She started sharing in whatsapp some quotes like she likes clear communication, real people and such stupid things. I did not see it but other colleague made screenshots and showed me.

Then yesterday she asked me if everything is ok between us, where I answered from my side it is, then she said she thinks I am avoiding her, I said no, I am not avoiding anyone, I am doing my work and let other people do their work and then she started to cry! OMG! Then it went to the point where she started saying how she taught that we are good friends, it hurts her how I ignore her...my God, i never wanted to be friends!...long story short we are again good and we made clear what is the problem, let's see if she really stops being bossy...

Great, Turtle! Did you tell her how she offended you?

[turtle3]

Yes I told her very calmly and she apologized, saying it was a joke when she found two jogging pants without changed price, then how she is maybe doing things and saying not being aware that it may give stress to others and things like that. We finished from her saying she doesn't want to fight, I said I don't want to fight too, then we hugged each other and she left me alone that day. Let's see next week haha!