Real01 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Hi, I asked my husband to leave in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. I have a question, is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Just now, Real01 said: I asked my husband to leave in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. Sorry this happened. Are you legally divorced? Are your children minors? Is there a scheduled visitation and child support order? Yes both parents are financially responsible for the children. Please consult an attorney and information support and advice in your situation. 1 Link to comment
Jaunty Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I'm confused. Why are you expecting him to act as a partner when he's been gone since October? You need a divorce attorney or a mediator to help you figure out a parenting plan with him as well as potential spousal support. Obviously your basic relationship and communication is broken to a point where the two of you are not going to be solving any of these problems without some kind of arbitration. 2 1 Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 I am speaking for before I ask him to leave. Giving the reasons as to why I ask him to leave. I know our communication is broken currently. just trying to seek other options as to if I made the wright decision. Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 No divorce, but I wanted to try a trial separation, but because I decided to do what was best for me for a change he is mad and this is how he acts. i tried to reach out to talk about schedules, support and so on. He didn’t speak or reply to me, he even blocked me on social media, which I’m not upset about that, however communication was one of our problems as well. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 12 minutes ago, Real01 said: I am speaking for before I ask him to leave. Giving the reasons as to why I ask him to leave.No divorce, but I wanted to try a trial separation, but because I You really really really need to consult an attorney. You can not legally ask him to leave the marital home. Please consult an attorney before you speak to him so you are informed and know where you stand. You have zero leverage in this situation. If you kick up another argument and ask him to leave he could just laugh. Please inform yourself. 1 Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 In New York, child support is 17% of his salary, and goes up depending on how many kids you have together. Get an attorney asap, and it doesn't matter if he's an absentee dad, by law, he's not allowed to be a deadbeat dad. If he skips on paying child support, they can legally garnish his wages. Consult with a lawyer asap. Don't kid yourself with a trial separation; you've already been living separate lives. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Agree with the above -I have no personal experience and I do know some couples seek a mediator instead of -or maybe in addition to? an attorney. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 You lived with a husband who would not negotiate, and now you're separated from a man who won't negotiate. So trying to figure out ways to negotiate won't help you. Consider consulting with your local women's shelter or your local hospital's human services department for a referral to a case worker or other resources to find legal representation. 1 Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 7 hours ago, tattoobunnie said: In New York, child support is 17% of his salary, and goes up depending on how many kids you have together. Get an attorney asap, and it doesn't matter if he's an absentee dad, by law, he's not allowed to be a deadbeat dad. If he skips on paying child support, they can legally garnish his wages. Consult with a lawyer asap. Don't kid yourself with a trial separation; you've already been living separate lives. Thank you, I will! Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 9 hours ago, Real01 said: My husband and I separated in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. Financially he was not contributing. I have a question, is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 10 hours ago, Real01 said: My husband and I separated in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. Financially has been one of the problems. Is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 9 hours ago, Real01 said: I am speaking for before we separated . Giving the reasons as to why we separated. I know our communication is broken currently. just trying to seek other options as to if I made the wright decision. Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 10 hours ago, Real01 said: Hi, I asked my husband to leave in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. I have a question, is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? Link to comment
Real01 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 10 hours ago, Real01 said: Hi, My husband and I separated inOctober due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. I have a question, is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? 10 hours ago, Real01 said: Hi, My husband and I separated in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially. I have a question, is it ok to ask your spouse to help you 50/50, to help with our daughter and extracurricular activities including traveling for games, to and from games, practices, food and other household finances. He tells me he can’t, but he don’t even act like he is concerned that I am drowning, if he supported me more maybe I would not focus so much on finances but how we can figure it out as a partner. When we go places he act like he don’t care ant to be their, he doesn’t talk interact or just act like he wants to be with me. i have told him, and he act like it’s me, but he definitely would say hurtful things to try and trigger me, a lot of gaslighting. Am I wrong to ask for more financial help? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Just now, Real01 said: My husband and I separated in October due to him not caring, gaslighting and not helping financially Could you clarify if he moved out? What decision are you talking about? Link to comment
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