I am trying to change

[wecomeoforth234]

so recently i have been talking to this boy that my mom knew about. And she found out that i had a hickey on my neck and was very upset said very mean words to me. I have done something like this before in the past, when i went behind my parents back and did something wrong and i had to gain back their trust. And now this is my second mistake that i have made with having a hickey on my neck and i dont know how to regain my parents trust again. i feel very guilty and i really want to change so i cant stop making mistakes, and i want to learn to control my feelings. I am not a bad child i am top of my classes and im also graduation ready. i just think that there is something wrong with me

any advice?

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, wecomeoforth234 said:

. And she found out that i had a hickey on my neck and was very upset said very mean words to me. I have done something like this before in the past, when i went behind my parents back 

How old are you? Are you allowed to date? What are you doing behind your parents back that your not allowed to? 

Are you involved in sports and activities at school? Do you have friends? How is your relationship with your parents? Is there trouble at home?  Do you have trusted teachers or school counselors or other adults you can confide in? 

[shouldhavelearned]

A boy?

 

Maybe not do things like you did

 

Maybe you got influenced by him 

[wecomeoforth234]

i am 16 and no i am not allowed to date but me and that boy were just talking and our feeling got involved and i talked to my mom about him and she was okay with it she was just disappointed that i had disrespected her with going out of my way to let him give me a hickey. yes i am involved in school activities and clubs and yes i do have friends, my relationship with my parents are good but their relationship is complicated.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, wecomeoforth234 said:

i am 16 and no i am not allowed to date .she was just disappointed that i had disrespected her with going out of my way to let him give me a hickey. 

Why is your parent's relationship complicated? It seems like they are ok with you talking to boys but not getting sexual or physical. Why aren't you allowed to date? Is that the norm in your culture? Perhaps you are rebelling against their rules, but letting guys paw you up isn't going to work out for you. 

[wecomeoforth234]

They do not allow me to date because they want me to focus on school. We do not have any culture for dating. And this is my first time getting a hickey

[ShySoul]

You are a 16 year old girl interested in boys and wondering what more physical contact is like. If something is wrong with you then something is wrong with most people of that age. Actually, something would be wrong with people at most ages. 😉

Seriously, your feelings are normal. Just about everyone goes though it at some point, being interested in someone and the thrill of new experiences going to their head. It's easy to get lost in it and do a little more then you had wanted. I would say the first thing is to not feel bad about yourself. Recognize that these are normal, human emotions. Also recognize that you are not a disappointment or a failure to your parents. You made a mistake is all. The fact that you feel guilty at all shows you're not a bad person. Second, set limits for yourself. Figure out what is acceptable for you and your parents. Maybe they would be okay with a more supervised setting for a date? Then you could still get to explore any feelings you might have, but not be as tempted to go further. Once you have your limits in place, keep them in mind and make a promise to yourself to stick to them. It may be hard at times. But follow your gut and don't do anything that you don't feel 100% comfortable doing.

[wecomeoforth234]

Thank you shysoul your words are very understanding