He's messing up my head...why?

[FreedomMadness]

Hi everyone

This is my first time posting on here. Im not sure if anyone can help but i just dont know what else to do. Ive been with my husband for 9 years, married for two and have a young daughter. Our relationship has always been the same, me putting up with jealousy and insecurities from him, and always felt it was me. He constantly puts me down, and hates the fact that i have a life of my own outide the three of us. I recently started university and it has been causing us major problems. He cant handle me meeting new people, and has become a lot more cold and angry towards me if anyone contacts or i talk to them. It has gotten so bad that we dont even speak as he just starts a fight and gives him reason to do anything he can to upset me. I dont know how much i can handle of this treatment. I walk about the house in a cold atmosphere and it makes me not want to have visitors because i dont want them feeling uncomfortable as they always do I love him so much and cant bare the thought of leaving him but sometimes i feel that its my only option. I need a life of my own that i dont feel scared in and made to feel like im a nothing. Ive already spoken to him on many many occasions about how to sort this and the way i am feeling, but he always gets angry and turns it around on me saying i deserve it and that its my fault. Our last "talk" that i tried to have with it ended with "dont even look at me". That was on saturday and he hasnt spoken to me since. What can i do? Should i leave him? Or is there anything possible that i can do to make him change?

[Resilience]

Hi and welcome to eNotAlone!

 

It seems that you're unhappy about whats going on at this stage. The first step would be to sit down with your husband and discuss the issue. Is it jealousy? Who's part? I understand he doesnt like you having a life of your own. How about working out a comprimise and involve him in your outside life. Sometimes its good to be re-assured that everything is okay and you still love him. Maybe that's all he needs. People cant change overnight, it takes time to ease out. Dont leave him, you have a younger daughter that will need his love. Im sure you can work it out. If it still persists, perhaps get marriage councelling. Good luck!

[Your1Desire]

Obviously he doesn't want to talk about it.

 

Hate to be blunt (or do I) but think of it this way. You could be with this guy for the next 60 years. Is it worth it? Doesn't sound like it. You love him because you've known him for so long but with the way you're going at the moment, there's no doubt that there would be someone better for you out there.

 

Who knows, you might be better off alone? Relationships aren't chores, and they're not a requisite for living happily. If the benefits are being outweighed by the negatives then why go through with it?