How to overcome extreme attachment

[Tpalm641]

I am 35 year old male that has depression and anxiety issues. I work full time and live alone. I don't have any friends but have acquaintances at work. I have a small family. I have a mother who I don't speak to and a sister I don't speak to. My father and I are close but recent changes in his life have definitely drifted us further apart. I have a girlfriend of 5 years who I love very much and have become very dependent on. When she's not with me I miss her constantly and to be honest even when I'm with her I think of when she's not going to be there anymore. She has recently moved further away. It's been extremely hard on me due to the fact we don't see each other as often. I feel that my attachment and reliance on her has become very unhealthy for me and her. I have had issues in the past of becoming very attached in relationships. Im looking for ways to cope and not feel lonely as well as have a healthier relationship. Any advice will help. 

[Capricorn3]

Are you getting help/treatment for your anxiety and depression issues?  If not, why not?  That's where you should start.

[MissCanuck]

I agree that you first need professional help to manage your anxiety and depression. 

You also need to start forming friendships and connections with other people, so you aren't so reliant on your girlfriend. A good therapist can help you with that as well. 

[Andrina]

Why did your gf move away and how far are you two? How often will you see each other?

Her being the sole center of your universe is smothering to a person. Usually people are drawn to a partner who can expand their world instead of minimize it. What do you do to expand her world?

It's in your best interest to form friendships for both your happiness and your partners. Because it gets boring to just do outing as a couple. Many couples like to double date and do group activities with friends. Doing this should also make you less anxious about your relationship because even if a breakup happens, you still have a support system of friends to get together with. The right mindset is to already have a fulfilling life and want to add a romantic companion to share your joy with, versus a partner being the sole reason for your happiness. Good luck on making goals and those improvements.

[Tinydance]

I'm just wondering why you don't live with your girlfriend? I mean it's not wrong or anything but depending on what you're looking for, you people usually live together after five years if they want to settle down with each other. Seems a bit strange your girlfriend has now moved further away? 

Having said that, yes it's very important to have things in your life apart from only your girlfriend. It's a lot of pressure on someone to be your whole world and be your everything. Have you tried to build closer friendships with your acquaintances at work? For example, ask them to catch up outside of work? Have you tried to take up any hobbies? 

I know it's hard if you have depression and anxiety but just do what you can. Start making small changes. You could set yourself some small goals. For example, once a week to catch up with someone and/or pursue a hobby or interest.