Tpalm641

Yes they are frighting behaviors I hundred percent agree. I do understand that I need to work on myself in order to better the relationship. However that is only one of the requirements in order to be with her though. I feel as though she wants to change parts of who I am in order to get things that I want for us In a relationship. Such as living together and having a family. Those things are yes to control my anger, be more extrovert, be more involved with her family, change my sense of humor. While I will work on those things. I don't know if that's a good sign when she asks me what I'd change about her and I say nothing cause yes she has faults and issues but that's who she is as a person. So who am I to ask her to change who she is in order to please me. I'm not referring to the toxic behavior btw. I agree that needs to change on my parts cause that's not who I am or want to be.

Do you feel her moving away and not telling me until a week before is cause for a breakup or does she have good reasons. She says she wants to be with me and that I should have no doubts about that. But yet I can't help but think why did she hide something from me that I wanted so bad. Also when I ask her if I need to change anything she gives me a list of things I need to change to be with her. But when she asks me I say nothing cause I love who she is. Not saying she's perfect but that's who she is regardless. Do you feel it's right to have to jump through hoops in order to be with someone.

So when I say sexually aggressive I mean I ask her if she wants to have sex and she says no and I leave it alone. But I do always engage never her. Also to add when I say I throw things I mean I through a chair or whatever out of anger not at her ever but in front of her yes. I've never laid my hands on her in a aggressive manner or ever yelled at her before. I will take my anger out on a object and walk away before saying anything to her because I know she is very sensitive.

So realistically I've been there for some family events not all. She has a very interactive family they are together alot. For me I'd say I'd be over there once or twice every few weeks. But they get together at least once or twice a week. I've been invited many times and haven't come and that's on me but I've also not come when I didnt think of know if I was invited and they didn't like that either. I discussed with her father and he said if she is invited I'm invited which makes it clearer but I still feel like the damage is done and they dont like me. I feel like it's awkward cause I know they don't like me now but I'm trying to change and better myself.

So I'm in a relationship for about 5 years now. I love her very much and wanted to move in with her for a long time. We both suffer from anxiety and depression issues. My anxiety is far more severe than hers in my opinion. Due to my anxiety I have been very absent in her families life and for social events. I have no friends myself btw. Due to this she decided to move further away and find her own place. She kept it secret from me till she was one week away from moving due to the fact I believe she knew i wanted to move with her but didn't want to hurt my feelings. Her reasoning was my lack of participating in her families life. Which I totally understand. I'm trying to work on my anxiety issues and see someone to help with it. We have talked a lot and I have blamed myself for all of it. I constantly apologize and tell her I will change in order to make things work. I have apologized a million times and she has given me multiple warnings I have one more chance. Also if I don't change it's over. I have noticed when she makes mistakes in the relationship she never really likes to talk about it. She will also acts very nice to me when she knows she's done wrong. Her family also seems to blame me and tell my gf to find someone else. The reason I take responsibility or dont call her out when she does wrong is cause she is very sensitive and she tends to shut down. Also the same reason we don't have conversations about any of our problems. So I try to protect her by blaming myself alot even when I feel it's not all my fault. The question I have is it wrong to take full responsibility for what happened? Should I take responsibility in order to protect someone you love? Also is this just a part of who I am not being as social and therefore should I change that? thank you

I am 35 year old male that has depression and anxiety issues. I work full time and live alone. I don't have any friends but have acquaintances at work. I have a small family. I have a mother who I don't speak to and a sister I don't speak to. My father and I are close but recent changes in his life have definitely drifted us further apart. I have a girlfriend of 5 years who I love very much and have become very dependent on. When she's not with me I miss her constantly and to be honest even when I'm with her I think of when she's not going to be there anymore. She has recently moved further away. It's been extremely hard on me due to the fact we don't see each other as often. I feel that my attachment and reliance on her has become very unhealthy for me and her. I have had issues in the past of becoming very attached in relationships. Im looking for ways to cope and not feel lonely as well as have a healthier relationship. Any advice will help.

Advice for a 5 year relationship falling apart. Hello need some serious advice for a very stressful situation I'm in. First off id like to give a little background cause I think its relevant to the issue I'm facing. I'm 35 year old male. I have a lot of social anxiety and suffer from depression which I'm on medication for both. I don't have any friends. I talk to people at work on a casual but limited personal level. I'm not close with my family at all besides my father who recently has met someone else and we aren't as close as we once were. I have one sibling who I barely speak to. A mother who I am the only one In the family who speaks to. She has a lot of mental health issues and has been in and out of mental health institutions and homeless shelters. Other than that my only outside social life consists of my girlfriend of 5 years. She has been the rock in my life and I'm am extremely dependent on her for my mental well being as well as a lot of other stables in my life. She is a big family person and enjoys spending a lot of time with her family which have invited me on multiple occasions to things but I've been avoiding for most of our relationship because it makes me super nervous being around people I don't know. Especially nervous because of how I feel for her that I'm afraid my social awkwardness will have them not like me. Iv been quite serious about her for awhile now and Iv been wanting to get a place with her. I live on my own currently and she lives with her parents. We've been recently having issues. The biggest issue is the fact iv been so absent in her families life. I believe her parents don't like me and want my gf to find someone better for her which I 100 percent understand. My biggest goal with her in the last I'd say 2 years is to find a place together. Iv tried extremely hard up to the point iv been pushy but she always says give it more time or avoids the conversation all together. Well recently I found out she was looking and got her own place and hid it from me up until the last week. I was extremely devastated. She told me during a conversation in which she was telling me she was thinking of breaking up cause I'm not a part of her family life and my depression was getting to her. She also told me she took another job that would inflict on our time together. Other than this after really taking a step back and looking at our relationship Iv realized besides my absence in her families life I've done alot of other bad things to her. I feel as though Iv always made her feel guilty for things she didn't want but I wanted for instance moving In together. I felt like I've been sexually abusive to her at times. By that I mean I love having sex with her cause its like our time and I truly love the emotional connection it brings us. But she is not as sexually active as I am and I feel like I am extremely pushy at times. Are sex life has been on the decline in recent years do to many factors of my behavior. It became and is extremely frustrating to me and made me more aggressive about it cause I felt like it was our way of connecting. I have also had many issues with my sense of humor that can be somewhat nasty to others and offends her at many times. I have always had a big sense of humor and always are trying to make jokes I believe to cope with my depression. I also suffer from a lot of anger issues especially when I comes to work. Iv always had issues with jobs and handling stress of a job. I tend to lash out at others or flip out do to stress. Whether it be verbally or physically throwing something. I tend to go job to job because of my quick dissatisfaction in the workplace or because of my anger issues. Which I believe is another issue I have with people. I am very easily turned off by others as well in which I mean I see the worst in people and don't really trust people in general besides my gf ofcourse. I tend to complain and let out all my lifes frustrations to my gf cause I really don't have anyone else to talk to or trust anyone else to talk to. It has brought her great burden and stress. I believe a combination of all these things has led her to make the choice to do what's best for her and move out and take another job. I really wanna change and I truly hate myself for what iv done to her. She wants to work things out but I can see the emotional connection with her is slowly slipping away. I wanted also to sit down with her parents as well and talk to them about why I've been so absent and how I wanna change it. I feel as though the damage is already done and she is a lot less emotionally invested in our relationship.sonetimes I feel like she stays with me do to the fact that she feels bad cause she realizes I'm so emotionally dependent on her. I hate myself and feel so guilty that I hurt the one person I loved so much. Talking a step outside myself and looking at the relationship. I realize how much I truly done wrong to her. The truth is I really want the best things in life for her and she deserves so much better than I could ever give her. She's such a wonderful human being and a good hearted person. Im so lost right now cause apart of me wants her to go find someone who can give her everything she deserves and another part of me wants to fight for her and change but don't know if it's too late. I am also so scared because she is moving further away and we will have less time together. But to be honest the thing I'm most fearful of is being alone. Cause without her I am probably just gonna sit on the couch by myself when I'm not at work and be very lonely. The thought of it all scares and depresses me so much. So any advice you can give is much appreciated. Thank you for your time.