Other ways to approach intimacy issues?

[BeeTea]

Hello, I’ve been in my relationship for nearly 9 months and things were the typical exciting and adventurous as most honeymoon phases go, but as of the recent past months, there has just been a decline of most things intimate. This does not solely revolve around sex, but the little things like cuddling, being close, kissing, etc the things that come to mind that typical relationships have. I dont really know how to approach the situation, as I have tried communicating these things, perhaps not as well. But i did try. I do want to note that my partner at first was quite clingy and enjoyed being around me physically and soon enough that too has found a decline. The only answer I have gotten is that they are not the physical type. It doesn’t really reflect on the person I knew a few months ago. It just honestly breaks my heart, and I would appreciate any insight. Thank you. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, BeeTea said:

, I’ve been in my relationship for nearly 9 months and things were the typical exciting and adventurous as most honeymoon phases go, . The only answer I have gotten is that they are not the physical type. 

Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Do either of you have physical or mental health problems? When did the decline begin?

If things were good during the honeymoon stage why is he suddenly "not the physical type"?

How often do you see each other? Do you go out on dates? Have fun?

How is the relationship overall? Are there incompatibilities or arguments? 

[BeeTea]

26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Do either of you have physical or mental health problems? When did the decline begin?

If things were good during the honeymoon stage why is he suddenly "not the physical type"?

How often do you see each other? Do you go out on dates? Have fun?

How is the relationship overall? Are there incompatibilities or arguments? 

We are both very early 20s. He does struggle with mental health, but it not as open about it. I do my best to give an open space to him without overstepping boundaries, but that really just results in him sharing a few small pieces to shutting the conversation down. I did not have any mental health issues until this situation has been going on. One thing that i believe may be why he’s not intimate, is that they have learned about my past lovers and the conversations between them, and it most likely caused major insecurity.(this was also 4-5 months ago) Since this, it gives me reason to speculate that its being held against me. We also do not live together, me in college full time, part time job and him with full time work, we spend at least one or two days together in person (every week) and the others in online games, hobbies. The relationship overall has been okay, with an argument maybe every 2 ish weeks, not a constantly occurring thing, but it does happen. And they mainly are just attempts of communicating something and it is not taken well. We clicked really well in the beginning and had a lot of common interests and views. I do have hope that the relationship can grow and get better. I just need to tackle this issue at hand.   

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, BeeTea said:

We are both very early 20s. He does struggle with mental health. they have learned about my past lovers and the conversations between them, and it most likely caused major insecurity.

How did it come about that he "learned about" your past sexual and dating history?  Does he rifle through your phone or was it TMI coming from you?

Unfortunately your relationship seems rather strained overall if you are dating just a few months and already arguing every other week. What are the arguments about? 

He doesn't seem ready willing or able to have a relationship at this time, he's shutting you out and shutting you down. 

Please reconsider the relationship. You seem to be in it alone. His explanation makes no sense if the sex/intimacy was good in the beginning and now he's "not a physical person".  

It seems he simply lost interest but is just coasting along until you plug the plug. Decide how long you want to be shut down and shut out and argue every other week. 

[Andrina]

Many people stick it out in situations like this, hoping it will go back to the rosy beginnings. Yeah, things are usually on overdrive at the beginning, but when you're in the right relationship, overall, you should feel satisfied.

You tried to communicate your need for physical affection. Even if he's not normally the touchy, feely type, if a request is reasonable, a partner will make efforts to please you. He just gives excuses.

If he's the one that grilled you on past partners, learn that you don't have to answer every question you're asked. Keep it general for any future partner talks. An example: My longest relationship was a year, and we grew apart. I've been single for 6 months. 

That's it! Details only paint a picture in a partner's mind he really doesn't want to imagine.

You're in college, meeting so many singles in your age group. Why beat this dead horse? The point of dating is vetting. He doesn't sound like a keeper.

[SherrySher]

On 11/21/2023 at 2:54 AM, BeeTea said:

Hello, I’ve been in my relationship for nearly 9 months and things were the typical exciting and adventurous as most honeymoon phases go, but as of the recent past months, there has just been a decline of most things intimate. This does not solely revolve around sex, but the little things like cuddling, being close, kissing, etc the things that come to mind that typical relationships have. I dont really know how to approach the situation, as I have tried communicating these things, perhaps not as well. But i did try. I do want to note that my partner at first was quite clingy and enjoyed being around me physically and soon enough that too has found a decline. The only answer I have gotten is that they are not the physical type. It doesn’t really reflect on the person I knew a few months ago. It just honestly breaks my heart, and I would appreciate any insight. Thank you. 

I have been married to my husband now for 7 years. He is still as cuddly and as physical as he was when we first met.

There is not time limit to that.

For lots of people there is a "honeymoon phase", and a decline, but not as steep of a decline as what you're explaining.

It sounds more like he has lost interest if I am honest.

Him saying he's "not the physical type", is just an excuse.

If the person is into you, it doesn't stop.

I can attest to that with my marriage.

My husband and I always want to cuddle, give hugs, kisses, hold hands.

It's infinite if you and the other person truly are into each other.

Talking it through is not going to solve the problem.

You could either try to get the spark going again by trying out new things, going on 'dates' again with one another.

Attempt to be more physical with him.

But if these too fail, you might want to consider if this relationship is just not satisfying you anymore.

[SherrySher]

I just read your reply to Wiseman above.

You both only see each other twice a week and he can't be bothered to give you lots of hugs, kisses, hold your hand, etc?

Honestly, call it a day and move on.

He has stopped trying and is not bothered.

You're only in your 20s. That man should be all over you.

If he isn't, seriously, move on.

[smackie9]

You only answer is straight forward communication with him. That's it. Then you can determine to work with it or dump him. But please don't handle this with kid gloves. He needs a kick to the a$$