Why I trash talk about my ex?

[lays]

She(30) broke up with me a couple of months.

The thing is lately everytime I vent with friends, I tend to trash talk about her, well our relationship. I say things that I dont want to tell about her(I am going to stop drinking).

Everytime I vent I realize of all the wrong things in our relationship. But even so I love her, I do not want to hurt her. So why everytime I have the chance I trash talk of her?

* By trash talk of her I mean telling the bad things she did in our relationship

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, lays said:

(I am going to stop drinking).

Sour grapes. It's a way to convince yourself that you don't want her because she has faults. It's not a good way to cope especially if it gets back to her.  Do you have a drinking problem? 

[Batya33]

Because sometimes doing the right thing and being a person of integrity is hard and it's easier to choose to get drunk and choose the consequences.  Please know the people who hear  you doing this are worried that they are your next trash talking target.  

[lays]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sour grapes. It's a way to convince yourself that you don't want her because she has faults. It's not a good way to cope especially if it gets back to her.  Do you have a drinking problem? 

Nope, I don't have a problem with drinking.  I usually don't drink much(just a couple of beers) but yesterday I went with an old friend and I drank too much. While drunk I find it difficult to keep my mouth shut

[lays]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sour grapes.

What does this mean?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, lays said:

What does this mean?

It's an expression that means you are bitter about your ex and you choose to express that bitterness by gossiping about her -your listeners know that you are trash talking because she rejected you -or that's the absolute impression.

[lays]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because sometimes doing the right thing and being a person of integrity is hard and it's easier to choose to get drunk and choose the consequences.  Please know the people who hear  you doing this are worried that they are your next trash talking target.  

Yes I know. I don't usually trash talk about anybody. I do not know why I did it and I regret it, a lot. I won't drink until I am over her.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, lays said:

Nope, I don't have a problem with drinking.  I usually don't drink much(just a couple of beers) but yesterday I went with an old friend and I drank too much. While drunk I find it difficult to keep my mouth shut

Yes you do have a problem if you blame your trash talk on being drunk.  You choose to get drunk and you choose the consequences.  For you the consequences are you choose to trash talk and that's not a good look or appropriate.  Blaming it on alcohol is also not appropriate.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, lays said:

Yes I know. I don't usually trash talk about anybody. I do not know why I did it and I regret it, a lot. I won't drink until I am over her.

You did it because you chose to get drunk and chose the consequences.  I'm so glad you've decided to stop this behavior. 

[lays]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You did it because you chose to get drunk and chose the consequences.  I'm so glad you've decided to stop this behavior. 

I am aware I am responsible of my actions. That is why I am trying to avoid it.

[Batya33]

25 minutes ago, lays said:

I am aware I am responsible of my actions. That is why I am trying to avoid it.

The great thing is there is no trying.  You either do it or not.  You don't have to "avoid" it -you have complete control over what comes out of your mouth in this situation (meaning I get there are exceptions -like a person shouting when they are startled) - you don't have to avoid anything you don't have to try. Just keep your mouth shut and actually say not a word about her so you don't have someone else responding with trash talk -then you'll be complicit.  Ask friends if they mention her to stop doing so.  All of these are actions -not "trying".  Very simple.  Not easy. But simple. You're now making really good choices!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, lays said:

What does this mean?

It means you have poor coping skills including drinking and badmouthing someone and it may be time to discuss healthier coping skills with your therapist.

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/sour-grapes

[Kwothe28]

Quote

Why I trash talk about my ex?

Well, she broke up and hurted you. And one of the stadiums in the road to acceptance is "anger". So as we are humans, we are expressing ourselves in a different ways. You feel hurt by her. So when you drink a bit, you express that hurt by lashing out about her flaws. Its not really that out of the ordinary. Once you get over her and actually go to acceptance phase, you will be healed and ready to move on from her. Which would also mean you wont even mention her that much or at all. Cest La Vie.

 

[HeartGoesOn]

Try to understand how this tends to say more about you, than it does her. Why not attempt to be the bigger person by keeping your thoughts to yourself, while keeping your dignity?