Am I wrong to feel this way

[Kittykat54]

I just wanted an option that wasn't a friend

I've been with someone many years. We have two kids together and we are completely lost

We have always lacked in communication but it's now the worse it's ever been. I hate coming home as there's always an atmosphere. It's not a home there's not love here. 

Our kids are everyrhing but it's hard feeling like a family she we are so far apart. 

I just feel like I don't want to be with him. I know he's depressed but could never address it with him. He doesn't go out. Me and the kids are the last priority. Work always takes over and as much as I try to be understanding or help I just need someone I can bounce off. Lift me up and I him but I feel alone. The faces that get pulled when somethings wrong, the coldness, the lack of wanting to even chit chat. I do the majority of stuff yet he still complains when the kids have too much washing or leave pots. I complain too difference is ill moan and move on but he will moan which results to me snapping followed by the silent treatment. Now he wont even accept a drink or hot meal. He wont even interact with the kids it's been a week and he's engaged with them probably twice. 

The sad thing is they expect him to be like that. He never takes them anywhere or spends quality time with any of us. This has resulted in me just getting on with it. I take them out, make sure they have way they need and do me because I can't take feeling away anymore

It's never been perfect and I accept that. I've have my share of wrong doings and we have been through so much I just can't do this much longer. 

I want to live but this isn't. Just existing together and I don't know why anymore. I have no effort left in me 

[smackie9]

Just ask him if it would be better to get divorce....just come out and say it...you are not happy. If he scampers away, then call a lawyer and start proceedings.  

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Just ask him if it would be better to get divorce....just come out and say it...you are not happy. If he scampers away, then call a lawyer and start proceedings.  

I don’t think they are married. OP get all your financial stuff sorted out privately and make sure you have a plan in place for child support from him. Then co parent and live apart 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating before you decided to live together and have children? How long have you lived together? How old is he? 

How old are the children? Do you both work full time?  When did the relationship begin to decline? What are the arguments about? Are there issues with finances, extended family, intimacy or other chronic disagreements? 

Please take care of yourself and your children. Please stop mothering him. If he wants to withdraw and pout, ignore him and go out with friends and family. Stop doing his shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry.  Spend more time with your children friends and family. 

Are you legally married? Do you rent or own  place? Could you afford to live by yourself with child support? Could you move in with family or friends? It doesn't seem like you can fix or change him. Please take some action such as not waiting on him like a servant and resenting it.

Perhaps stay with friends and family for a while so you can decide whether to dissolve the relationship or put up with his withdrawal and coldness. 

What exactly is his problem besides claiming he's depressed? Has he seen a physician for his mental and physical health? Does he have bad habits like drinking excessively, porn addiction, cheating, out with friends all the time? 

[shouldhavelearned]

Professional help together or solo

Like other person said, get your papers and financials updated, safe, and secure.

Find a way to slowly communicate and see what each other wants. Could be together and could be separate.

[Kathryn657xx]

I understand the difficulty here - you are very conscious of his depression and are probably trying to avoid addressing your issues because you don't want to cause him to delve further into his depression. HOWEVER - if he is not communicating with you and putting you and your children after everything else, you have to think about yourself here. And your children of course. Like you say, you should be able to live your life and be happy, you do only get one after all. Do you want your kids to see this family dynamic as normal? This may affect them and their future relationships. 

*tip - try and remove yourself and become a spectator outside looking in. If one of your children was in a relationship with someone like this and was feeling this way would you advise them to leave? I know i would. I appreciate it's so difficult to leave a family unit, it is scary and you must be brave for what's coming. Children are so resilient too - they may cry or even potentially blame you but this will be short-lived. They will adapt and learn to live in a new family dynamic. It could open up so many other doors for you.

Although you say you still take your children out and give them a family life but they will soon enough pick up on your unhappiness, they are more observant than we think - they wouldn't want you to be unhappy just like you wouldn't want that for them. 

It's going to be hard but by the sounds of it - you are already living the life of a single parent. Financially you may struggle but remember this is not forever and money isn't everything. 

Here if you need to talk, i have been there. Good luck x