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3 months to reframe...


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  • Someone someday said that it’s the minimum time it takes to make a change in your life. So I will try it for the next 3 months… October – November – December. And I will journal my progress, my thoughts, inspirations, or things I want to remember… I do this for me, but I will be glad if my posts can someday help someone else, that’s why I do it here. 
  • My official journey will start on the first of October, this Sunday. But I have already implemented some things…

    So let’s get started…
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Things I want to improve: 

  • Social life (Friends, colleagues, family) 
  • Health (Sport, food, check up, stop smoking)
  • Hobbies (Develop my independent activity and find one new hobby)
  • Discipline (Stick to a healthy routine)
  • Psychology (Read books, therapy, find peace) 
  • Relationships (Slow down OLD and meet people in RL) 

Health: I tried a new sport which is CrossFit. I'm not sure yet about it, it will go on more classes and will see whether I want to pursue this. If by the end of October I'm not convinced, I will try another sport. I realized I need to make sport in community. I'm not disciplined enough yet to do it alone. Also the coach is kinda cute, so it helps... 

Social Life: I need to make myself new friends. My best friend lives now far away, the others are all married with kids, so I need to find new single friends. I connected with a woman last week. She just arrived in my city, doesn't know many people. We agreed to meet tomorrow for a drink. We will see if we enjoy each other... I kinda like her, she seems healthy, and positive. This could be a first step in making new friends. Maybe I can suggest we do some activities together, so I can also meet other people... 


I think my willingness/obsession to pursue a romantic relationship stands in the fact that my life is not plenty/sufficient enough... This is the reason why I am implementing these changes...I realized the other day that I'm free to do whatever I want, try any activity, change job if I have to. I will let my hair grow again. I never did because my ex husband didn't like it, but I will feel more confidant about myself. My long bob is just a mess every morning. I have much hair, and they look beautiful, so I want them longer again...

I just can do WHATEVER I want...

I also realized that I have to let go some parts of my life, like people that are not good for me, or taking advantage of me. A friend of mine asked for our kids to play together at my place like they do sometimes on Mondays. I get the kids at school and they stay at my place. In the meanwhile, my "friend" gets her free time. I realized she never invites my kid to her place. Thats the reason why last Monday I told her I rather go out with my kid, just the two of us. She was surprised. But I don't care as I don't like her that much, we have nothing in common and she is hypocrite, as well as her husband... I don't want her in my life anymore. She doesn't bring anything positive to my life (expect my sons friend)... I will distance myself from her... 














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Today was a pretty good day… very busy. 

Hobbies: I sometimes do jobs as a independent graphic designer. I have a real full time job, and this is just a passion of mine that came late in my life. I have always been thinking about making it for a living. But didn’t really find the time and courage to do it. I have some clients yet and maybe 6 mandates per year. This afternoon I went to put a new clients windows sticker I previously designed and printed. She said she has a friend willing to also change her shops windows, so she will give her my contact. I was happy. During these next months I am going to try develop my activity, make some communication. 

social life I sensed a change these last days in my interaction with people. I’m more relax, friendly and open… Tomorrow I will work with two male collègues,  we have a big exhibition to install. (I manage an art gallery, that belongs to a big architecture company)Looking forward for tomorrow. I mainly work alone, but will try to go more often at the main office, so I can interact with the people working for out company more… 

PS: I don’t interact with anyone on OLD apps. I disconnected for a while… feels good for now. Not thinking that much about the last guy… he is getting out of my system. 

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Social life: finally got a girls night out with my “new friend”. We went to a bar tonight, we were both very exited about seeing each other. She is a girl I met three weeks ago, she just arrived in my city 2 months ago, she someday came to visit my gallery and we clicked. She invited me to try her CrossFit activity which I did and then suggested we have a drink someday. We met tonight, it was great, we shared a lot and we had such a great time just talking. She told me how she was so glad she has a new girlfriend and was willing to do things together. The discussion was both sided, she shared about her, and also asked about my life etc… we spent 4 hours talking. She is so interesting, I really enjoy her. We will see how it develops with time. Feeling good.. 

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So, these last 24 hours were complicated. My boy had an accident yesterday while playing with a kid at a birthday party at 3pm. He broke his tibia. My ex husbands girlfriend bought him to that party( which I didn’t know, I thought my ex would go, and I agreed although it was my week of custody)

So, she and my “friend” (my boys friends mom) they didn’t call me when it happened and didn’t drive him to the hospital. I was supposed to go get my kid after work and when I arrived at 6.30 no one here, I called my ex husband and he told me they just arrived to the hospital, like 3 hours after the accident occurred… I directly went to the hospital to stay with my boy. Today I asked why no one called me and why they waited three hours before bringing him to the hospital ( I mean my boy was crying and saying his leg made a “crac” and they didn’t think about going to emergency) I called them out and now I am the bad one… 

Tonight we had a parents meeting at school, my parents stayed with my kid, and I went, but my ex didn’t come although he said he would. His chair was empty… maybe he wasn’t willing to face me… 

But frankly I don’t care… I’m concentring on my boys well-being. I think I made some progress by allowing me to speak out. I canot caution peoples bad behavior anymore… 

My boy is in bed right now and I’m taking some time to reflect. 

I feel good, peaceful. I’m getting more insurance. For the coming weeks, I will focus on my kid, my work, my hobbies, my new sport, and on making new friends. 

Yesterday, a ceramist I know invited me to go to her studio for a free class. And I’m already exited! I’ve always dreamed to try ceramic… might be the new hobby I’m looking for… 

I’m praying for my sons well-being. He has been so brave, I’m so proud of him. My Little star ️ 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just a little update... its been 20 days since the beginning of my three month 

  • Social life Still trying to make new friends, and meet different people. We are going to have a event next Saturday at my new gym club. I will go and maybe make new contacts.... 
    I took my distance with my ex, had a talk with him. things seem to be clear now about what he can expect from me if he behaves badly again. 
  • Health Still in working out, I go 3 times a week, and next week will go almost everyday. I really enjoy this activity. it makes me feel stronger. I eat healthy and will make vegetable soups on Monday for the week. But also going to start eat more proteins because my body will need some extra... 
  • Hobbies ... nothing new here outside of Crossfit. I sometimes feel bored when I am home, need to find something new to do by myself. 
  • Discipline I cleaned my dressing, and am trying the capsule wardrobe with only 40 items for one month, I also cleaned all my storages and my kitchen. Its all almost empty... it feels good. I am definitely going minimalist. clear house, clear mind... I will sell a big part of my clothes on a market soon..
  • Psychology I feel more in peace and stronger. I don't take the pills anymore. Just the gym helps me feel good. 
  • Relationships Didn't meet anyone new, and have no envy... but my coach is still a cutie... lol

For the three coming weeks I will:
1. Workout even more... 3/4 times a week minimum
2. Find a new hobby to do at home
3. Eat healthy every day and stop spending money buying lunch when I'm working, take it from home. 
4. Paint my kitchen cupboards in black. I've always dreamed about a black kitchen... 
5. Make promotion for my freelance activity. 

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So, toady was a strange day. I took the day off to go at our gym club event. But I didn’t go. The event consisted in an outdoor workout in the morning. running and exercising, and then go back inside for lunch. 

I saw there was many people registered, and when I saw that I decided not to register. As an introverted I knew I would feel uneasy, I mean outside of my friend and some coaches, I don’t really know the people. My friend told me today that frankly the workout was hell and at lunch time she was so exhausted that she didn’t have any energy to speak to people.  There was too much noise, people and she felt uneasy. I’m glad I didn’t go and listened to myself. I also remembered last summer, I had that date at the festival and got a panic attack, since then I decided to avoid uncomfortable situations if I can. I don’t beat myself up for not going. I’m good with it and it’s a strange sensation. 

Finally. I have spent the day at home, listening to podcasts while doing clean up, laundry, taking care of myself and feeling good in my bubble. In the evening I went out jogging for a while. And now I’m back home. I will go to bed early as I decided to attend a yoga class tomorrow morning. It’s something I’ve been thinking for months, but never had the guts to go. Tomorrow is the day. And I will do it alone, just for myself. 

Somehow, I know that my energy level for socializing is not very high right now. I guess I just must be more selective about where I want to putt that energy in A noisy and crowded event versus a calm a relaxing yoga class… the choice is easy to make. But I’m going to pursue the gym, I do enjoy the coach, my friend and the way I feel since I started. I already noticed some changes on my body. My arms and my back are getting muscles and I make progress each week, I feel way stronger and confident. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

today was a bad day. I just need to let some things out… I’m still in my reframing process. But these last days (weeks) as I was feeling better about myself I decided to start dating again. First guy was filled with red flags, so I didn’t pursue anything. But the second one, was I guy I have been talking to last summer and who reached out. He knows where I work as he knows my boss and my workplace. So he came visit me two weeks ago without preventing me. A week later I texted him I enjoyed his visit and that if he wanted to have a drink someday etc. We went on a date last Saturday. A restaurant he chose, he invited me, was very attentive, discussion was good too. He proposed to drive me home at the end. We left it at that. No kiss, just a hug. He asked about my schedule, I told him I would be with my son this week. So since Saturday night no texts… just silence. I don’t even know whether he wants to see me again. I guess I just have to be patient… I noticed myself starting to get anxious again, and this made me think that I might not be ready yet to date… it’s always the same pattern, I start to like a guy and becoming anxious if I don’t hear from him. 

I feel lost and really don’t know how to manage all this. Being single sucks… and I know I will never be truly happy being alone. Today I feel sad and angry. I feel stuck and it pisses me off. But I decided to try going through my week like before: going to work, going to the gym in the evening, joining the people of the gym for a after work drink to try connect with them and stop thinking about that guy. I HAVE to leave it for now… and try to stick to my plan. 

Also thinking about the holidays approaching, I’m not in the mood. I will  still be single and it sucks. (I’m really trying to do my best when the only I truly want is to drink to stop thinking and sleep all day. I’m so exhausted, physically and emotionally) 

But maybe today was just a bad day… 

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5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Today is only Monday - maybe he had plans Sunday? Was he texting daily before this?

Yeah today is only Monday, I know. We never texted daily. In fact we started engaging on a dating app a few months ago, we discovered that we work the same field, and then he would sometimes reach out in IG or messaging for work related stuff. He organized a fair last September, I went but missed him, that’s when he said he would come see me at my work place someday which he did. And after that I sent him that it was great meeting him etc… I told him that I was free on Saturday… we then only texted to arrange the date. 

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So today I have nothing to say, but I decided to try find something... lets see...

Oh yes I know. I think I got a new friend. He is a guy I met two years ago, we dated casually for a few month. But we were still in contact. He would ask how I am from times to times. I always enjoyed his conversation, but we didn't see each other in almost 18 month. Yesterday he reached out again and we started texting. I told him that I was looking for a serious relationship but that I don't like him like that and I prefer him not waste his time reaching out to me. He understood, and asked whether we could be friends. He said he enjoys talking with me and hasn't one single girl friend. I agreed. Then we exchanged social media and he started asking question about dating, about girls, about what he does wrong etc... he confessed things he would never have said in a dating context. And it was fun. I mean the guy works alone all day and I guess he needs a text buddy. That's cool. he is funny and makes me laugh. At the end of the day, he said he was tired, I asked whether is was because of our conversations, and he said no, our conversations brightened up my day. (The same goes for me) 

We will see how this develops and if his intentions are really what he says they are...  


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