Letting Go

[younglady49]

I have dated my ex/bf for 8 years on and off. I always do the breaking up. I know he is not right for me. I just recently broke up for about a year. He has a pug dog. I love this dog. While we were apart, this dog was very depressed. I know it sounds silly but he was. I never lived with my b/f but he came to my house at least 3 -4 nites out of the week with the dog.

I would speak to my ex on the phone or mostly talk on line. I feel I need something from him. My daughter has become very fond of the dog also. She asked if we could visit the dog when my ex is not around. We have done that but sometimes my ex is around and he feels there is some hope. I have told him that we are not getting back together. My daughter and I enjoy taking the dog out for walks. Is this wrong? Should I not see the dog anymore? Another thing is my ex is having surgery on his knees. The dog has nowhere to go. My ex asked if I could watch him and I said no. Should this be my problem? Yet I feel guilty because the dog would feel better with me than with someone else. But then I want to be free of this relationship so I can go on with my life. This man is 62 years old and I am 49. He is not a healthy person. If I stay with him, I will be his full time nurse. I am too young to be tied down to a sickly man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Apple]

A break up is a break up if you think that you should move on then I think you should try to completely away from all conections. I tend to vouch for no contact during a break up. You broke up for a reason. Your ex is still the same guy you couldnt stand to date any longer and unfortunately there are good and bad parts to loved ones we break up with (including pets).

It's only human to miss close friends/pets and to wonder if youve done the right thing letting them go. But in our lifetime we deal with a lot of losses. Im sure youve already thought of this but can you and your daughter get a dog of your own during the transition. Sounds like all of you might be using the pup to keep a connection. But I dont know that for sure, I just think that if it's over it's over and you should start looking forward to your new life. How old is your daughter?

[Krystyl]

Well....this may sound strange....but the one I feel sorry for here is the dog. I think the dog would be better off with you and your daughter. Do you think there is any way that you could get custody of the dog? Do you think he would give up the dog? I understand the bond to pets. And I have no doubt the dog was severely depressed when you were gone...he misses you and your daughter. If you can't get the dog, either because he won't part with him...or because if you had the dog he would still stay in contact....then it's just best to break all ties. No more doggy visitations and no doggy babysitting. It's a shame for the dog. That may sound strange to some...but I have more love for animals than most people.LOL

[newts]

If he is sickly, he should let go of the dog and give it to a loving family which is you and your daughter. I think that you are being very strong about not giving him messages, however, if he wont give you the dog, you need to just move on completely and forget about the poor little dog.

[socalguy123]

Sorry, I am as much a dog-lover as you sound. But I have to say, the story of this thread just makes me laugh. Not like I'm cruel or unsympathetic--I've had over 20 dogs in my life, at one point or another, and I know they have their ins and outs, personality disorders, feelings, etc. And I love them still, would have one now, but I can't handle the responsibility (gone most of the day for work.)

Anyway, I think you should take the dog, and/or cut ties with the owner/ex-BF. But yeah, thanks for brightening my evening--most of the threads on here don't provide half the enjoyment that yours just did!

 

Cheers!

[younglady49]

Thanks all for your words of encouragement and advice. My ex bought the dog. I could never take the dog away from him. He is not mine to share. I also don't want the responsibility of having a dog on a full-time basis. I too work, and don't believe a dog should be home all day by himself. My ex is retired and the dog is what keeps him going. He is able to care for him.

My daughter is 17 years old. She will be going away to college in 2 weeks so she will not be part of the visitation. This would be a great time to exit from this visitation. I was thinking of instead of going every week I would slowly wean myself away and go maybe twice a month. I can't explain it enough as to how smart this dog is. His feelings show right through his eyes. He understands everything. When I first broke up with my ex, I stayed away from both of them for 7 months or so. Then my daughter suggested we visit him without the the ex around. It sounded like a good idea at the time. I knew I wasn't going back. I told my ex that too. I'm in it for the dog not the relationship.

I'm just having a hard time letting go of this relationship. I don't know why. I love being on my own to do as I please when I want too. My

2 children are off the college and now this is the perfect opportunity for me to rediscover myself after being divorced for 10 years and being a parent.

I suppose I have abandonment issues and this causes problems in this relationship. I need to find out why I can't let go mentally. I have let go physically and are dead set against returning.