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Everything posted by Apple

  1. Im so sorry your feelings were hurt. Im inclined to say I can somewhat understand from a women's perspective how it makes you feel when someone you love gets so wrapped in sexual things without you. I try to be patient with my bf occasional surfing (especially considering I like to occasionally read erotic things myself) but it still hurts for some reason. But...If I may ask, (Ive been lied to about this also at one time) why do men lie? Are they ashamed? Is it just too personal? Do they feel overwhelmed with sexual feelings that they cant express their feelings with their partner. I have sought porn in relationships usually for physical gratification only, I dont even look at the peoples faces (unless I want to puke). Is it the same for men just on a scale of a million times more?
  2. Its so nice to hear someone else's opinion about it. I dont know if things will work out with this issue. Which is really painful but reality. I asked him what he would do if I got pregnant he said that he would pull the rest of his hair out (he's a comedian because he's bald...haha...) and then he would be okay. I have absolutely no intention of getting pregnant in this situation, if he doesnt want more kids I just cant bring myself to force it on him... so I dont really know where this will lead our relationship. Just so sad that I ended up loving someone who feels this way. I do believe he loves me. He tells me, he shows me and he is a very sincere person, I just think the love is different and I always wanted my husband/father of my child(ren) to feel the whole package for me. but it's like Im denied inevitably of that role if I become his wife.
  3. Hmmm...I've been with my bf for 2 years in Oct. We've had ups/downs and complete spin arounds in our relationship and finally after all this time we're both so dedicated to communication with each other. I am still very in love with him. We're starting to talk about a future together, getting married combining our homes (each with one child already). About six months ago he reveiled that he didnt want anymore children. From the beginning of the relationship we'd never actually had a serious discussion about it but we obviously both believed we had somewhat addressed it. I wanted one more and he and I had jokingly talked about what things would be like but he claims he never did so. So at this point I'd like to have another child he says that its not something he'd want to or really be willing to do. My reasons for wanting another one are: Id like for my son to have a sibling, I have 2 brothers and feel like it my life has been enriched by the family connection I have. I want my son to have someone meaningful like this in his life. Id also like to enrich my own life with another child. I only want 1 more and Id be done. He cant really give me a solid reason for not having another child. He says they are too expensive. He says that he does like kids (has to in our case because we both have one). He was the more involved parent from the time his son was born...the mother tends to be pretty lazy and selfish (not grooming, providing or being maternal to their son from the beginning) and he was the financial stronghold when they were together, so I realize his experience was hard for him but I cant help but feel like he cherishes his son's mother already. She has this mother of my child status that seems to make him be such a sucker for her that upsets me. Not because I want to be her but because I cant help but feel like he loves her...he loves me too but maybe never with the love he had for her. I asked him if we were married, settled in a home, establishing college funds for our boys if he'd be willing to have a child then he said yes. Even though any conversation where family or friends ask us about more kids is painful bc he immediately states he'll never do it again. And is very adament about it. I dont know what to do, we've tt about it, he knows that I feel like i have a major decision to make. Im so confused... Im sure i'll get advice about making a decision if doing something I dont wnat will make me miserable in the long run (and for him too) but I guess I really want advice from someone who may have compromised on such a major issue or who left the situation. Im almost scared...I dont want to walk away from what we have invested...we've come such a long way and I love so many other things about this man. Hmmm...
  4. My ex is sending me harrasing emails and I am going to report it to the police. We've been separated 3 years after 3 years together. He has been seeing a counselor and taking different mental medications. Im just so tired of the way he behaves. Does anyone have suggestions for proving harrasment. I have never addressed with any authorities because i just felt he was sick and no one would believe me anyway. My son loves him like crazy but i can tell he recognizes his mental issues because he's always trying to be his caretaker. Im so upset about his latest ploy I just cant stand it. I just got a new job at a credit union. He called them (I start next Monday) and told them he was concerned about me having access to his account. I havent even started! And I have tried so hard to be civil and separate our lives. But he finds anyway he can to be a part of my life Does anyone have advice about this Im sure we will end up in our 3rd court battle in 3 years once i start this ball rolling. Im just so tired of him harrasing me.
  5. I suggest you think of something romantic, possibly in a social situation where she can feel like she is getting her social needs met. Sounds like she wants to hang out of the house more and she wants you to come along but she's already begun thinking that may not be the type of thing you like so she doesnt know how to that that is something she will need in order to feel like she is satisfied in the relationship...or at least that's what it sounds like...sometimes people just have a hard time saying what they need. but i think you'd better squash her doubts if you want her to find satisfaction in your social skills. She likes you but she really wants to see you both able to go out and do things so she wont have to do them alone.
  6. Hi it's Apple, Im not sure of how to contact people so I hope you receieve this. Thank you for your story. Today is the first day after the break up and I feel challanged, I communicated via email with my now ex. We just discussed being respectful to one another and not being ugly especially since our relationship wasnt all bad. He was not only my best friend but almost my only friend almost exactly like your situation. But you would not believe that this guy I go to church with introduced himself to me today asked if he could email and we could try hanging out sometime. I was like Wow, a new friend right when I needed one. i cant possibly feel any intimate feelings since Im still hurting for my bf but he seems like a nice guy. i hope this encourages you. Im still afraid but I will be joining my old gym again and I am determined to find myself a book to read. Im an impatient reader (I get bored with it easily) but when I find a good book it takes me away from my own situation quite easily. I figured since we both could use a friend and were looking at the computer for some people contact we could email sometime. I dont know how to give my info thou w/o everyone seeing it. So if someone else who reads this let me know. TTU soon. Again "I know I can do this"
  7. Thank you. I have been working all night to think of something else. I know it was time for us to move on anyway, but I really feel lost. Those suggestions were pretty good, thank you. Ive been thinking of things to do but will i get my butt up and do them. I hope to see your posts again they were encoraging. I know I can do this!
  8. Well, Ive posted a lot about my non commital bf and i dont have to post anymore, we broke up after 19 months tonight...Im feeling really blue..What are the best suggestions for moving on from a long term serious relationship when you have no friends or family to comfort you? (Well only via phone that is).
  9. Its hard to say dont get upset, ive been late b4 too. BUT these things happen periods do not always come at the same time for women of any age. Can you buy pregnancy tests where you are? I have been up to 10 days late (from when I expected my period to come) and not been pregnant. Discharge is pretty much anything that comes from your genitals, male or female. During the time between periods there are lots of different kinds of discharges. Since you have the internet you should look up menstral cycles and get an accurate explanation and then have her see a doctor who will professionally explain how these things work
  10. Reading all the posts about women (including myself) who love someone for years wishing he was into marriage or maybe kids or religion (at this time, with her- whatever the not working factor appears to be). I still dont know how women are always either the one's who have to accept it or move on...Are we wrong for wanting these things with someone we find sexy and funny and is our best friend. Or are we just stupid for loving someone who cant commit. Reading this stuff says to me move on, leave someone you love and are willing to work with in any way because you believe thats what people who love one another do. Thats what we do for our crazy parents or maybe a screwed up sibling, or mamed pets. Im sorry but I just think that all women who want marriage are not just pitiful little girls with lillies and bells in their heads. I think that a lot of women want to find balance in many aspects of their lives including your relationship with your partner. I havent met as many mature men at my age (28 next month) who believe in marriage. (Im saying they are mature in a lot of other aspects but have no desire to marry) Are there still guys like this or are they all married? (lol) This brings up another issue: I guess I must just have a problem cutting off my best friend/bf whom I love (I dont want to be with out him). But if I am as unrealistic and desperate and as settling for the wrong guy as many posts seem to suggest I am...I must be a lonely hearted gal. I dont want to be by myself...because he's stated to me he wouldnt want to be friends if we broke up- he's not mean- he just thinks we would both suffer from watching one another move on. I like having sex, being intimate, knowing someone. Maybe Ive just never been alone long enough? I just am afraid Id be miserable for awhile. No one else has shown interest in me in a while and I just dont think Id have this budding dating life if I were more single. Anyone have suggestions on how to be confident and dateless, sexless and whatever else less you get by staying in a relationship with someone you love but dont share future goals wtih?
  11. I was reading a post about guys getting pressure to marry. Usually after a year, 2, 3, or 5 years. Guys, generally speaking, please address 2 scenarios: one with an infrequent pressure to marry or in a scenario with very frequent pressures about marriage and both after this amount of time (meaning maybe 2-5 years) should a girl just accept that he wont be marrying her and he just enjoys things for what they are. And she that if she wants different she should learn to live w/o him and wait for someone else to come along? Do you think its unhealthy for a girl to want to marry very desperately to a man she has been with for years? In both perfect and not so perfect relations? Ladies, why do you (we) stay in these scenarios? Guys, what kind of things just make it not seem right? and why dont you feel these pressures? And are maybe men in the fantasy that things will always be perfect when they marry, that the relationship should be perfect before you even think of marriage. It seems unrealistic to say that these years spent werent good enough. As a woman is usually accused of dreaming of weddings and this ideal family unit but not being realistic about the work of a marriage. But are the women already accepting and wanting to marry you any way. While your still confused and thinking it hasnt been right (or perfect) so far so why should I move on.
  12. A break up is a break up if you think that you should move on then I think you should try to completely away from all conections. I tend to vouch for no contact during a break up. You broke up for a reason. Your ex is still the same guy you couldnt stand to date any longer and unfortunately there are good and bad parts to loved ones we break up with (including pets). It's only human to miss close friends/pets and to wonder if youve done the right thing letting them go. But in our lifetime we deal with a lot of losses. Im sure youve already thought of this but can you and your daughter get a dog of your own during the transition. Sounds like all of you might be using the pup to keep a connection. But I dont know that for sure, I just think that if it's over it's over and you should start looking forward to your new life. How old is your daughter?
  13. I am another big breasted girl WHO LOVES TO BE ATHLETIC, thanks. Ive always had a tiny body for the size breasts I have. I really had to learn to love them despite the lust from big breast lovers and prejudices from big breast haters. I dont think my shape is any better or worse but we who suffer from big breast complexes get hurt just as often as small breasted girls do so I'd appreciate it if anyone prejudices a girl by her breast size that you would stop. I suppose neither group of ladies wants to be told she's deformed. If you like big breasts try to date girls shaped that way but please avoid disrespecting any small breasted dates. And vice versa I think you'd be better off this way.
  14. Hmmm...it's hard to tell what happened there, i think it might hinge on the age of these young ladies. But honestly I would only react that way to someone I found attractive 8 times out of ten, thought I knew him 1/10, or he had something icky on him 1/10. So maybe it was a good thing.
  15. i hadnt read through the posts when I posted my own..."it takes him a while" My bf of nearly 2 YEARS is almost the same way. He will come about 8/10 times but it takes for ever. Is your guy a very serious character? Is he tense a lot? Maybe the previous posters are correct in that he is self conscious. Im so curious about how this happens.
  16. Oh I forgot to mention the reason he doesnt think its so uncommon...this is funny...because his guy friends say they also do it at least ** mins b4 they cum too...yeah right. and no lunchtime quickies for us I have to have those alone really.
  17. My bf has told me the same thing. but i have encouraged it a bit so that he can be more exploratory about his sexuality otherwise we're doing it like rabbits. And I am worn out with his sex drive.
  18. I am tired, really. We have a lot of fun so I never get bored but sometimes Im just ready to sleep. We're pretty open with each other so weve done a lot together, we stand, we sit, talk dirty...ok too much information but anyway on the subject of pleasing himself. He claims that from the age of puberty he couldnt be satisfied with masturbation so he rarely did it. Although he was hard repeatedly throughout his day he just didnt deal much with the frustration. (He is always hard- when he's happy, when he's anxious, just all the time even to be almost 30. Ive even questioned his diet/exersize...he works out alot). For a while I was encouraging it (masturbation) so that he could teach me things (hoping we could find more pleasures to relieve him or so I could watch. He got more comfortable with it and exploring things that would satiate his hardness. So at this point by my best estimation he's up to about 2-3x per week (I myself feel the urge to do so about 2-3x a week even though I dont always act on it) we can only afford enough time to be sexual about 1-2 times per week (we live apart or i think we'd be like rabbits). He doesnt seem to ejaculate any faster with masturbation according to him. Also, he's generally kind of a serious character and in bed he's affectionate but he's like a well oiled machine. He's wearing me out. Should i ask him to stop masturbating?
  19. My bf is the 2nd man Ive come accross that can have sex for hours without ejaculating. He told me b4 we ever started that it may cause problems in our relationship Ive been understanding and sexually athletic for the term of our relationship (somewhere betwn 1-2 years) but sometimes i still take it personal. I think its mental. He says sometimes he tries it just wont happen. Are there other men out there who can relate to this? Or women who've experienced this? What are your perspectives? He seems to think this is common but in my experience (which we wont address...lol) this is only a small percentage of men. Most other men seem to have the opposite problem- holding off. Just curious.
  20. Im sorry I dont know what to say about how to remove the hair. And anyone who is grossed out would be just picking on you because of their own insecurities because we all have something that's not so perfect. But I just wanted to say that I have come accross many female friends with the same problem and you have to resist feeling bad about yourself. People who notice and make a big deal out of this are immature or insecure. Please try to remember all the other beautiful things about yourself when you face these situations. Sorry I know that isnt much help but it took me years to learn to appreciate every curve, every pimple and every extra hair (I have this 1 dang chin hair But its better you start sooner than later.
  21. I have a very similar issue. I hope people continue to post for you, because I dont know what Im going to do. Im tired of living in the shadow of the cheating ex. And next to the seemingly good guy with emotional issues. Cant help but wonder if it's just you, huh? I know Im a great catch just have to have a person who's fishing for what you have to offer. Good luck
  22. Apple


    It just takes some getting used to. So she'll just have to try it herself.
  23. Well first of all I appreciate ALL of the advice. I told him today, I'm just not the type of person not to be upfront, I dont like feeling deceptive. I started off with "I know how you feel about * and I wanted to let you know that since Ive been feeling so down...yadah yadah." At one point I stated that I had been very patient with his opposite sex friends. He went all ridiculous and the issue became you always bring up what Ive done to justify what you want to do. ???????Ummm...Okay, that wasnt exactly where I meant things to go but I knew it'd be kind of an argument anyway. He also insisted he tried hanging out with me this week and I shot him down (Mon/Tues I have my son, he doesnt come around much, Wed I attend church, neither of us has our son's, Thurs he's going to the game with his son and Friday - Sunday we'll both have our childrenSo I just ended with simply stating that I didnt want to fight I just wanted him to trust me. He is more important than any game and I look forward to his suggestions of things we can do that are affordable. I got nothing expect I dont care, do what you want but if you expect me to be okay with this Im not and I wont be discussing this with you anymore. Well obviously from my perspective I wanted to scream at the lack of resolution and the new low levels of miscommunication. But whatever. For all of you who might be wondering if Im just kind stupid to be in this: I do feel a little selfish for wanting him to pay for things that I cant afford, for thinking he should go a little out of his way to spend time with me. But our relationship was built on a strong belief that our children will come first. I'd just like to be considered at all sometimes. Oh and FYI last weekend he made plans with an old female friend from middle school years (we're both in our late 20's) without mentioning it to me at all and while I confronted him about my anger and insecurity with the issue, he barely responded with it except to tell me that I shouldnt be insecure about her because I know of her?????? I am way more patient and understanding than he was when I was being up front and I didnt know about his plans till after the fact. I am so ready to be over him. I feel disrespected and Im not sure if I should just consider being done with him altogether.
  24. Thank you! Your advice has meant a lot to me. I am a one man kind of woman and while I have to admit my boyfriend and I dont see eye to eye in some aspects of our relationship. Im afraid to loose him because I live in a city with no family, very few friends and full time custody of a young son. I dont get out much and he's a nice guy. My friendship with the other guy is less valuable in the face of this relationship. Ive tried to be very clear about my friendship with this male friend, my boyfriend feels I should set him MORE straight about calling late (in the past it didnt matter because I lived alone. Still do, my boyfriend just happened to be here when he called late which was a very random thing) or making any jokes about our friendship in lue of both being in serious relationships with other people. So now I feel like there isnt much more I can do to convince my boyfriend im not interested in any deeper relations with the friend. Youre right that he's not any more cheap than he was. We pretty much have paid equally for things in the past with an occasional special event from either of our pockets. Even on a third of my income I still will suggest I pay my own way. Im extremely independent. I just wish for once he could put me first and not make everything seem like I should be so "okay" when he doesnt include me and even though I concede to not getting to go I dont get away without a few comments about how it would have been such a stretch but we could have done it. I have no intention of nit picking his financial situation. But if in two weeks he's had a couple of opportunities to help me do something Ive always wanted to do and he gets to do all the time...i dont see what's the big deal. I know he doesnt have the same kind of generous spirit I have or like to be with. But this is a take it or leave it situation. He says he doesnt want to take me for granted but i told him i'll decide when im being taken for granted to a point I should leave him. If i wasnt so lonely I would have left him months ago and taken myself to a game. Lol. But I dont have anyone here. Friend or foe. So I just appreciate his presense and dont want to piss him off. Ive been looking intently for a job. Being on umemployment I was picky for the first few months (not accepting p/t or what looked like chaos) now Im starting to feel desperate so hopefully something will come up. [/u]
  25. I lost my job in November. Ive been really bummed about being unemployed and my boyfriend has been supportive emotionally but pretty cheap and unwilling to go ahead and purchase anything for us to do without making me feel kind of guilty. There are things I want to do (concerts, sporting events, things like that). And while he gets a lot of gifted tickets from his season pass holder aunt and uncle he always takes his son. A male friend of mine asked me to go to a NBA game and Ive always wanted to go. My boyfriend doesnt like me to even mention this guys name (we've were friends long before he and I started dating). Because I conveyed to him a joke that this friend stated regarding he and I getting together. My boyfriend's not perfect but I love him and he is my best friend right now. I just want to go to the stupid game and lay off some stress but I dont want this to be a bad thing for our relationship. Either way things could get kind of silly. Should I just go and skate around the truth?
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