parents wont accept him b-cuz of his ethnic background...

[itry]

what in the world do u do when ur family can't see past someone u loves ethnic background?? i mean... i love my family with all my heart... we're all close... and its one of those things that my parents will say "we don't have a problem being friends with *certain race* but marrying one is out of the question". being that my significant other is divorced with 2 kids makes it even harder...... he's been all i want....but he can't attend family functions or even come over to watch t.v. or something.... luckily he has his own place so i spend a great deal of time there....which result in huge arguments....

its been over 3yrs since i have been with him and my father still refuses to say his NAME!!! my mother is more understanding and tries, but i can see her expression when i try to talk about him. thank GOD my brothers are cool with it....but its killing me to know that there will be NO x-mas family dinners if i decide to start a family with this man.... its getting close to that point where we're talking about marraige...im getting close with his children... but last night i had another huge argument with my father about him.

 

do i choose my family..? will it be wrong if i choose my heart? i grew up with closeness and big dinners and parties with all my relatives..im so depressed in thinking of giving that up... im confused...

[freedom]

what a dilemma!! geeeezzz... i can't tell you what to do... but how old are you? and how old is he? and your family background? are you still dependent on your family?

[elila]

That's terrible! I'm sorry but your family is just wrong. If you love this man, marry him! If your parents are good people, they'll give in and let you both attend family dinners and get-togethers. If they can't do that, screw them. I know it's really easy for me to say, since they are your family, but you're just letting a bunch of rascist idiots win when you give up your boyfriend.

 

 

 

Have a talk with them, say, "You all are a bunch of rascist morons. I love this man, and I'm an adult. If you don't want us to come ver fine, we don't need you. If you all are so immature that you can't handle that, I don't need people like that in my life."

 

And even though you may think you'll "never be with your family again" or something, they'll probably give in and accept him.

 

I don't know if my post was helpful at all but I had to reply, this made me really angry.

[sweetdreamer]

I say "GO FOR HIM!!!" It is your decision, and your family can't make the decision for you. If they love you unconditional, they will come around.

 

I went through a similiar situation and broke up with him because of his ethnic background. Now, I do have regrets and know I can't have him back.

[itry]

what a dilemma!! geeeezzz... i can't tell you what to do... but how old are you? and how old is he? and your family background? are you still dependent on your family?

 

 

we are 9yrs apart.. he is older...

 

and for the next miserable 2 1/2 yrs or so i believe i am stuck here with my family..

 

i recently left my job to attend school full time..i have a job waiting for me after i finish.....bf is an hour away but he plans on moving here maybe in a year... then i believe ill move with him..but that doesnt solve the fact that my family will probably NEVER come see me..and Lord ill miss them...no matter what theyre flaws are..theyre blood....

 

i can't help my taste. hell...ive tried to date who they wanted me to date a while back..but i was just kidding myself...now i found someone and u know what? regardless what his background was..i love him ..past the superficial....

 

ive been living here for the past year and i feel like i cant take any more of this nagging... im grown...but they dont treat me like that.

 

oh yeah... my family is not from the U.S. so theyre VERY VERY traditional and what some may call old fashioned...as in..no sex before marriage..no living together before marraige.. and if they had theyre way i probably wouldnt be allowed out past 10pm.

 

im at my quarter of a centurey already mind u...

[freedom]

some people say that love is blind. I would agree but i this situation you don't have to jump in without realising the responsibilities. it sounds like you have a close knit family which makes it the all more challenging. give us more information so we can really advice you

[sweetdreamer]

I come from a strict family who lived in Canada for more then 38 years. I am an adult and still live under my parents roof. They share the similiar beliefs as yours.

 

I will tell you this and what I have learned. Believe in yourself and believe what you believe and make your decisions. Your parents don't own you...you own yourself. You have a right to be you...stand up and be you!!!

 

I learned from my last relationship, and he was the first individual, who I didn't date from my culture. He opened my eyes with hope, apperciation and happiness but I was to afraid to let go or HURT my family so I had to let him go. I was thinking about my family the whole time and how I will hurt them. Now, I realized it was a mistake and I learned is that I didn't actually think for myself.

 

It is not easy but remember it is selfish of your family to act this way. If they love you...they will accept.

 

Best wishes.

[BillyJean714]

Hi Itry,

 

I remember responding to your post a while back on infideility. I agree that your parents' reasons for not liking a guy for his ethnic background is unfair, but is that the main reason for why they don't like him? Did they find out about the affair?

 

Anyway, marriage is a huge decision, and if I were you, I wouldn't marry someone just to please my parents. If that's the case, I would've been married by now, but I didn't go with what they wanted. However, if your parents do know about what happened to you about the cheating incident then if I were them, I'd be concerned about the kind of guy that my daugter's marrying. His character would be my main concern.

 

If I had kids and if a guy were to treat my daughter right and if he was from a different background, then I would approve so long as I know that she's in good hands. If he's from the same ethnic background and treats her like crap, I would tell her to dump the fool. Anyway, the point is, if they know that he mistreated you in the past, then they do have a valid reason. But, if they deny him because they don't like the color of his skin, that's an entirely separate issue. And I would marry a guy who my parents won't approve, because as long as I'm happy and if he treats me right, then that's all that matters. They can't dictate who I want in a life-partner.

[SilverCloud]

Ok, I need the actions that were taken i am very close to losing my boyfriend, who has been more then patient and faithful for over a year now.

He too is off different ethnic background and is also of different religion. The religon is really not the problem here for us two cause we do not practice our religions, plus believe that the kids should be bought up in both if we have any together. He is divorced and has two exceptionally bright kids.

He realises the importance of family and thus the reason he did not want me to just drop my family and marry him. He and i have an age difference of 5 years and i am very close to family. Oh i still live with them, they love me but cant see how happy this man keeps me.

Last I talked to them, my dad told me i will go to hell and mom is now in the stage where she believes that if she agrees then she will have to leave town so that she would not have to give explaination to their friends as to why i married outside of religion. Plus she says that she can put up with him if he had no kids(I cant believe this is my loved by everyone mom).

Oh i too have come as close as getting engaged to a guy choosen by my parents, who ended cheating on me(Dont ask why i agreed to meet him in the first place). My family has a lot of emotional control over me, I am having a real hard time being myself and also being what they want me to be, its like living two lives.

what should i do i need to find a way to get family to accept him?