Narc or something else??

[Overtherainbow123]

Hi guys all brand new hear heads abit battered but hear goes..

10 years ago me and my recently ex fiance  started out.. we have known each other since teenage years but we didnt get into a realationship since adulthood. When we first got together romanticly she was in the tail end of a relationship with a 2 year old son who sees me as a farther figure.. the first half of our 10 years were fun filled, got on like a house on fire..we had our usual ups and downs but nothing different from anyone else... the trouble started when she joined a gym  5 years ago and was soon sucked in by the female trainer and they became close friends i was happy for her she found a friend in the new venture...she began going every other day while i looked after our stepson after grafting all day, before long she was going everynight  20 miles away the gym was. We live quite rural so it made sence.. the more time she spent there the more she was changing.. looks were important strict diet, weights special clothes, i thought good for her.slowley but  looking back i could see her emotionaly detatching, cold, distant and deep into this new hype. I received a txt 1 day off a girl who said the worst thing ever shes been having a affair with a lad at the gym i confronted her about it she denyed it. and i said the guys name and showed her a picture of him she said i was paranoid and delusunal and said i cant be with you. She kicked me  out of our home i had to live with relitives all the time she was having this affair  and denyed it all along. At one point the guys ex called me up to confirm my suspicions as they thought it was the right thing to do,. And she said its all over he broke it off with her tonight.. the next day she was calling and wanting to see me saying she made a mistake and wanted to make it up.. the whole time denying the affair... cut a long story short i took her back things were great untill 2 weeks ago.. i spotted the detatch  on monday she walked out of my life on friday  without warning only to surfce to ask for money for some tv she bought 12 months ago.. i have had no contact with my stepson at all this came as a massive blindsider turns out shes living on a relitives land in a caravan.. the stepson is pushed between relitives while she drinks and partys.. and lives secretive life.. i contacted her last night as our dog needed fast medical assistance.. when she answered she was angry, cold and imotionless.. she didnt care about our shared dog of 7 years thats got a nasty womb infection.. i was talking calm professional and polite she was a monster, not the person i fell in love with.. what am i dealing with hear.. its so hard to process this as a still love her  and my stepson.. i am sure he missed me terribly.. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Try to sever all ties and take care of yourself and your dog. Please don't contact her. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Overtherainbow123 said:

cut a long story short i took her back

Be a lot better if you didnt.

Its bad enough that you spent 10 years of your life on somebody like that. But you took her back after she clearly cheated on you. You asked why she is not the person you fell in love. That is because that person isnt real. Its an ideal version of her. Real her is what she showed you. Bad woman who cheated on you and left you in the end. Cut all ties and try to move on with your life. You will be infinitely better without somebody like that.

Also, I am sorry, but kid isnt yours and you have no rights for him. That is also one of the risks you are running when you are dating single moms. When you separate, you have no rights regarding a kid. So if you bond, it also gets cut off if when you break up with mom. Sorry it happened.

[MissCanuck]

The "narcissist" label gets tossed around far too easily these days, so I won't make any further comment on something only a mental health professional who's personally evaluated her can do. 

What I will say is that I am sorry you are in pain. It was a mistake to take her back after her affair partner dumped her. She only came back because he didn't want her anymore. She was never going to stay. I get that you were hopeful but she was already long-gone in her heart and mind. 

At this point, all you can (and should) do is concentrate on healing and leaving her behind you. 

2 hours ago, Overtherainbow123 said:

When we first got together romanticly she was in the tail end of a relationship

I am curious about this, though. Did she cheat on her ex with you? 

[catfeeder]

Decide how a diagnosis from a bunch of Internet strangers would benefit you in any way.

Last study I read lists Narcissistic Personality Disorder as less than 1.5% of the population. We’d never know that from all the accusations that fly every time someone behaves selfishly.

Your best pivot would be to disallow your last 10 years to dictate your next 10 years. 

[SooSad33]

No, not sure why you'd assume this?  She's just a cheater 😕 .

Point is, to NOT accept someone after they've decieved you in such a manner.  Sorry for your pains.

Do NOT deal with her at all anymore.. time to work on accepting what is, heal from it all and move on.

One day at a time.. TC of you.