I need help proving the truth to my boyfriend

[MamaEm14]

 

So 7 years ago I found out my husband and high school sweetheart was cheating on me and wanted to leave me. I moved into the house we were supposed to be a family in with our son. I went through a very rough patch, wasn’t the mom I needed to be. I was attention craving. I just couldn’t get myself to be okay. I could not hang out with my friends that had husbands because it hurt me. So I chose the wrong people to spend my time with. I fooled around with a couple of people before I met my boyfriend now. He had a complicated situation with his BM and didn’t want her to know he had anyone so he could still see his daughter. But I instantly fell for him and put myself in the situation to be hidden. That hurt me. So I still kept living my own life. I talked to people and fooled around with some people as well. I still kept seeing him even through all of this and I knew I wanted him forever but I just wasn’t ready for his situation to be in or him but I did the wrong thing and couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t live on my own, I was too immature and couldn’t handle being alone. My son and I moved In with my ex husbands parents because my only option was my moms house who had a million animals and went to the bathroom everywhere and I didn’t want my son in that situation. I moved in with them because I felt like it was the best situation for my son being so young and for me as his mom. I ended up having sex with my ex husband sometimes and I was seeing my boy friend 2 days a week and every other weekend and doing that with him as well. During this time our relationship was still hidden from his BM and she knew nothing about me, not anything about us on Facebook, nothing. Still does not make what I did okay. Everything I did was wrong. Anyway, I ended up moving out of there and moved in an apartment with my boyfriend and my son. And we became official at that moment and his BM finally knew. After 2 years. And he found on an iPad I had screen shots of things and conversations. He had found out the life I had been living since we had met. Before we moved in and once we lived together, I have never cheated on him or even had a thought of doing that. But I had trouble being honest about the past. I would give bits and pieces, but I just couldn’t be fully honest. We lived for a year or so like this maybe? Then he kept asking me questions and was not believing what I was telling him back then and he would say well it would only make sense if it was this or it would only make sense if it was that. He told me he only wanted to know the truth and no matter how bad, we would try and get through it. Well he wasn’t believing what I was saying and I felt backed into a corner and I lied. I had told him about my ex husband and how I had been doing that with both of them. And he said I went through a time when I was really sore. And I told him why I was. I had an IUD at the time and kept getting constant yeast infections from the Skyla. And I have a dryness problem, so I told him about the dryness problem. And he didn’t believe it. He said it would only make sense if he was big or there was a 3rd person. Well there was never a 3rd person. And he just would not believe me so I took what he said and I just said my ex was a little bit bigger. And i just thought it would just all be over if he just believed that. But it never was. For years until now, he would constantly ask me questions and I had to feed that lie basically and make it make sense. I had to make myself out to be worse than I was and like I was a size queen. And he just kept pushing for answers and I just kept lying and then he would never believe the size and finally the lie just got bigger. I said that he just had this huge monster private and that’s why I was sore. But that’s not true. He actually is smaller than my boyfriend is. And we barely did that. But it’s all still wrong regardless. Anyway, I finally came clean and told him the truth after all this time. I couldn’t live that way anymore and I couldn’t let him live like that anymore. I just want a real life and not be fake. He doesn’t believe me. He keeps telling me if I can provide proof even if it was verbal proof that my ex is really not that big like I was claiming or that there was not a 3rd person then we might be able to be together.I just don’t know how to get him the proof because my words hold no value since I have lied so much. I cannot figure out a way to prove it to him. I just felt like I could never tell him that I lied back then. And I didn’t want to lose him that bad, that I told him anything that would make sense to him. It’s terrible. And honestly I don’t care about a private size at all. 

 

Please no rude judgements. I already know I am a terrible person and don’t deserve anything at this point. But I do want to save what we do have by doing what I need to do to be a good person. He deserves that.

[Wiseman2]

What, exactly, does he want you to "prove"?  

[MamaEm14]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What, exactly, does he want you to "prove"?  

He wants me to prove that i haven’t had a huge private basically. Through out the years, he has asked me a bunch of questions that I would just make stuff up and answer in the worst possible way just make my story stay true. He thinks either my ex has this huge private or this third person has one. But there was no third and my ex does not. But he says all the things that I answered his questions with about a huge private would only be known by my if I lived it. But that’s not true. Some was common sense OR I would just take what he said and agree. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Stay strong

Yeah, how can you "prove" their wasn't a third person.?

Has he owned up to any other "flings"?

 

He should have been proud of you and not hid you and this wouldn't happen.

[MissCanuck]

This is so beyond messed-up. 

What, does he expect your ex to come  over and show him? OP, I think you need to break up with this weirdo and be on your own. This relationship has beomce toxic and emotionally abusive. 

Get away from him, wipe the slate clean, and lead with honesty in your next relationship. 

[MamaEm14]

15 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Stay strong

Yeah, how can you "prove" their wasn't a third person.?

Has he owned up to any other "flings"?

 

He should have been proud of you and not hid you and this wouldn't happen.

There was not any other flings. BUT when we first met and I moved into an apartment because I wanted to be closer to him, he had sex a few times with his BM when I was not even doing anything at that time and she always brought their daughter over to see him on sundays and they basically all spent the day together. I knew about the sundays, but I never knew until a year or two ago that he had sex with her. But he said he felt like he had to for his daughter. 

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

   I had an IUD at the time and kept getting constant yeast infections from the Skyla. And I have a dryness problem, so I told him about the dryness problem. 

The best thing you can do is go to your gynaecologist and get a checkup and tests done. It sounds like your BF is still cheating on you so he's making up impossible stories about proving the size of your husband's penis. 

[MamaEm14]

16 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is so beyond messed-up. 

What, does he expect your ex to come  over and show him? OP, I think you need to break up with this weirdo and be on your own. This relationship has beomce toxic and emotionally abusive. 

Get away from him, wipe the slate clean, and lead with honesty in your next relationship. 

I love the sound of wiping the slate clean and starting over with being a better and new me. And be honest always. But it’s hard to let go when I have a son and he has his daughter and they love each other and we love them. Also when things are good, they are amazing. And the love he shows me when things are good is amazing. I’ve never felt in love and felt the love he shows me. We have a lot of special things together. So it’s been hard to let go. 

[MamaEm14]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

The best thing you can do is go to your gynaecologist and get a checkup and tests done. It sounds like your BF is still cheating on you so he's making up impossible stories about proving the size of your husband's penis. 

I have went and had all texts done this year and everything came back fine. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Yeah, he didn't treat you right and hid you from his BM. He was able to have his cake and eat it too. But he was upset that we're doing the same.

Now he wants this and that, it will never be enough and is meant to keep you down.

Tear the bandage off and move on. 

Find a stable place to live and work on yourself first and foremost.

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, MamaEm14 said:

 

So 7 years ago I found out my husband and high school sweetheart was cheating on me and wanted to leave me. I moved into the house we were supposed to be a family in with our son. I went through a very rough patch, wasn’t the mom I needed to be. I was attention craving. I just couldn’t get myself to be okay. I could not hang out with my friends that had husbands because it hurt me. So I chose the wrong people to spend my time with. I fooled around with a couple of people before I met my boyfriend now. He had a complicated situation with his BM and didn’t want her to know he had anyone so he could still see his daughter. But I instantly fell for him and put myself in the situation to be hidden. That hurt me. So I still kept living my own life. I talked to people and fooled around with some people as well. I still kept seeing him even through all of this and I knew I wanted him forever but I just wasn’t ready for his situation to be in or him but I did the wrong thing and couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t live on my own, I was too immature and couldn’t handle being alone. My son and I moved In with my ex husbands parents because my only option was my moms house who had a million animals and went to the bathroom everywhere and I didn’t want my son in that situation. I moved in with them because I felt like it was the best situation for my son being so young and for me as his mom. I ended up having sex with my ex husband sometimes and I was seeing my boy friend 2 days a week and every other weekend and doing that with him as well. During this time our relationship was still hidden from his BM and she knew nothing about me, not anything about us on Facebook, nothing. Still does not make what I did okay. Everything I did was wrong. Anyway, I ended up moving out of there and moved in an apartment with my boyfriend and my son. And we became official at that moment and his BM finally knew. After 2 years. And he found on an iPad I had screen shots of things and conversations. He had found out the life I had been living since we had met. Before we moved in and once we lived together, I have never cheated on him or even had a thought of doing that. But I had trouble being honest about the past. I would give bits and pieces, but I just couldn’t be fully honest. We lived for a year or so like this maybe? Then he kept asking me questions and was not believing what I was telling him back then and he would say well it would only make sense if it was this or it would only make sense if it was that. He told me he only wanted to know the truth and no matter how bad, we would try and get through it. Well he wasn’t believing what I was saying and I felt backed into a corner and I lied. I had told him about my ex husband and how I had been doing that with both of them. And he said I went through a time when I was really sore. And I told him why I was. I had an IUD at the time and kept getting constant yeast infections from the Skyla. And I have a dryness problem, so I told him about the dryness problem. And he didn’t believe it. He said it would only make sense if he was big or there was a 3rd person. Well there was never a 3rd person. And he just would not believe me so I took what he said and I just said my ex was a little bit bigger. And i just thought it would just all be over if he just believed that. But it never was. For years until now, he would constantly ask me questions and I had to feed that lie basically and make it make sense. I had to make myself out to be worse than I was and like I was a size queen. And he just kept pushing for answers and I just kept lying and then he would never believe the size and finally the lie just got bigger. I said that he just had this huge monster private and that’s why I was sore. But that’s not true. He actually is smaller than my boyfriend is. And we barely did that. But it’s all still wrong regardless. Anyway, I finally came clean and told him the truth after all this time. I couldn’t live that way anymore and I couldn’t let him live like that anymore. I just want a real life and not be fake. He doesn’t believe me. He keeps telling me if I can provide proof even if it was verbal proof that my ex is really not that big like I was claiming or that there was not a 3rd person then we might be able to be together.I just don’t know how to get him the proof because my words hold no value since I have lied so much. I cannot figure out a way to prove it to him. I just felt like I could never tell him that I lied back then. And I didn’t want to lose him that bad, that I told him anything that would make sense to him. It’s terrible. And honestly I don’t care about a private size at all. 

 

Please no rude judgements. I already know I am a terrible person and don’t deserve anything at this point. But I do want to save what we do have by doing what I need to do to be a good person. He deserves that.

You realize that your relationship at this point is completely toxic, right?

It was created out of cheating, lying, and is so unhealthy for both of you.

How you lied, and what he is asking, both are really messed up.

I don't think there is a way to make things okay again.

My advice is to break up from this toxicity and get yourself some personal counselling, asap.

But since you seem set on working things out with him, then you both need to go counselling as well as couples counselling.

Serious professional help is needed here.

[SherrySher]

11 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Yeah, he didn't treat you right and hid you from his BM. He was able to have his cake and eat it too. But he was upset that we're doing the same.

Now he wants this and that, it will never be enough and is meant to keep you down.

Tear the bandage off and move on. 

Find a stable place to live and work on yourself first and foremost.

They were both at fault.

She shouldn't have been entertaining a man who was cheating and lying to his BM.

[MamaEm14]

Just now, SherrySher said:

They were both at fault.

She shouldn't have been entertaining a man who was cheating and lying to his BM.

I do agree. We are both at fault. 

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

I have went and had all texts done this year and everything came back fine. 

He's cheating on you again. That's why he's sending you on a wild goose chase to "prove" something. 

[SherrySher]

The bad thing about cheating with someone, MamaEm, is there is almost 100% certainty that once you become the partner, they will cheat on you too.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

It sounds cliche, but it's usually true.

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

[MissCanuck]

19 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

And the love he shows me when things are good is amazing. I’ve never felt in love and felt the love he shows me

This tells me you have never been in a healthy relationship. 

This one is completely dysfunctional and not a good example for either of your children. I would urge you to seek some professional counselling so you can finally untangle yourself from this madness. 

 

[MamaEm14]

17 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

You realize that your relationship at this point is completely toxic, right?

It was created out of cheating, lying, and is so unhealthy for both of you.

How you lied, and what he is asking, both are really messed up.

I don't think there is a way to make things okay again.

My advice is to break up from this toxicity and get yourself some personal counselling, asap.

But since you seem set on working things out with him, then you both need to go counselling as well as couples counselling.

Serious professional help is needed here.

Yes. I do see how it’s very toxic. But I do wish to find a way to prove all the lies that I told are not true. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

 I do wish to find a way to prove all the lies that I told are not true. 

How, exactly, are you going to prove the size of your husband's penis? 

[MamaEm14]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How, exactly, are you going to prove the size of your husband's penis? 

My ex husband. I have no idea honestly. I really do not. I just don’t know how that’s even possible. I’m racking my brain trying to figure it out. That’s why I am coming to these forums. To see if anyone has any suggestions 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, MamaEm14 said:

My ex husband. I have no idea honestly. I really do not. I just don’t know how that’s even possible. I’m racking my brain trying to figure it out. That’s why I am coming to these forums. To see if anyone has any suggestions 

Ask your BF what "proof" he needs. Are you supposed to supply your BF with ***pics? You realize this is ridiculous and he's cheating on you again, right? Ask him for "proof" of his other GFs size.

[MamaEm14]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask your BF what "proof" he needs. Are you supposed to supply your BF with ***pics? You realize this is ridiculous and he's cheating on you again, right? Ask him for "proof" of his other GFs size.

He says he won’t be with me without proof. He says a picture would make him feel uncomfortable if I was even able to get a picture. He believes there is no way to get proof and he just won’t believe me. He also says that once we first starting having sex that I was tighter and now I am not so I must have had a huge private that stretched me out apparently and that’s not true. 

[SherrySher]

32 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

Yes. I do see how it’s very toxic. But I do wish to find a way to prove all the lies that I told are not true. 

It's not just the lies. He cheated. He treated the other woman badly.

It all matters.

What makes you think he won't do the same to you?

[SherrySher]

2 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

He says he won’t be with me without proof. He says a picture would make him feel uncomfortable if I was even able to get a picture. He believes there is no way to get proof and he just won’t believe me. He also says that once we first starting having sex that I was tighter and now I am not so I must have had a huge private that stretched me out apparently and that’s not true. 

Taking pictures of someone else's private parts and showing it to anyone else, without their permission, is illegal.

You can check that out online if you don't believe me, but it can get you into serious trouble.

Your current bf is being abusive.

Accusing you of what he is, forcing to to now "prove" to him, threatening you.

All abuse.

If neither of you have trust or weren't being honest, then you need to either break up, or go into counselling.

It's funny, but not funny, how he is accusing you of lying, and yet he cheated and lied to his BM for 2 years!!!! That's insane!!

It doesn't matter the reason, he is just as much of a liar as you are and yet he is roasting you for it.

Wow.

 

[MissCanuck]

51 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

He says he won’t be with me without proof.

You do realize what he is doing here, right?

He is setting the groundwork to leave you. He knows he can't get "proof", so he's staging a way to make the break-up your fault. This is very intentional and insanely manipulative. 

51 minutes ago, MamaEm14 said:

He also says that once we first starting having sex that I was tighter and now I am not

Tell him it's just that his own unit has shrunk. 

[Kwothe28]

You want us to help you prove to your boyfriend that your ex has a smaller member then him?

I need to say, we did have a strange requests here but this one tops the list lol

Messy people have an uncanny way of finding another messy people. You are a mess. Somebody who was attention craving, sleped around, even cheated. So its not really that surprising that you found another mess. Another cheater that is insecure about his member and that thinks you will cheat on him again. You need to be alone for a while until you better yourself and find somebody healthy. Not to mention extensive therapy to fix that mess.