How do you know you're over someone?

[blackberry]

sounds like a rhetorical question...but how do u know? how do u feel?

[DragonGirl724]

you feel absolutly nothing. thats how you know.

 

-DG724

[heloladies21]

It's when you can look back and think about the person and say "no hard feelings"

[gelfling]

so it could take years ?

[heloladies21]

For some people, yes. It took me a year to get over my 1st. I know some people who it's taken longer.

[DragonGirl724]

so it could take years ?

 

it could if you let it. you can tell yourself youve had enough of the BS and move on faster if you want. its all about will power and after griveance runs its ugly course..

 

-DG724

[Liquidius]

It's when you feel indifferent about everything they choose to do.

[butterflycloud]

I think it happens when you finally realise that the two of you just couldnt work out...no matter how hard you tried.

 

I still have feelings for the ex but I know in my heart and soul that the breakup was the right decision and that if we had stayed together that my life would have been unhappy.

 

I think that on some level I still olove him but I love him enough to let him go...for both his and my happiness.

 

Hope that helps!!

[shes2smart]

so it could take years ?

 

It could also take months, weeks, or just days.

 

Really.

 

Last break-up I went through was end of June 2001, after a 2.5 year relationship that included a year+ of living together. I made a conscious decision that I wasn't going to wallow in self-pity this time. I think I let myself have a couple days of an all-out self-pity party, but I set a limit and when time was up, the party was over. I also made a conscious decision that I wasn't gonna go through a bitter, man-hatin' phase like I had after previous break-ups. Just because my ex was a cheater, liar, etc. didn't mean ALL men were bad. It just meant HE was an idiot.

 

I also made an extra effort to take care of myself -- reconnecting with old friends, taking trips to places I wanted to go to, and generally being nice to myself. I applied a lesson I'd learned from my horseback riding lessons to my romantic life: "You got to get back on the horse what threw you." Theory being if you get thrown off the horse, you need to get back on so your mind doesn't have a chance to make it such a big deal that you never get back in the saddle again. You don't blame it on the horse, and you figure out what you might have done differently to keep your butt in the saddle. Sometimes, there's nothing you could've done differently. I've gotten back on horses after falls where I broke bones (collar bone & radius). I won't jump anymore, but I will still walk/trot/canter on the flat with no fear.

 

So, back to 2001...I started dating again in July/August. By the end of September 2001, I met the guy I ended up marrying in July 2002.

[annie24]

I know that I'm over someone when I bump into them on the street, holding hands with their date, and I don't feel anything. In fact, I am even a bit happy for them.

 

Or, if I am talking to an old friend on the phone, and they say, "How is so-and-so doing?" And I'm shocked to hear the name, because I realize that it's been forever since I even thought about them.

[djedix]

When you dont think about them at ALL till you log into enotalone.com and start reading the healing after break up or divorce fourm and watch as other people ask this question and you smile and make a post about it.

[chai714]

sounds like a rhetorical question...but how do u know? how do u feel?

 

As you can see, different people interpret being "over" someone in different ways.

 

For me, being over someone means you're not emotional when communicating with them. I like to keep good relations with people including ex-girlfriends, but I am a distant "friend" if you will.

 

Getting over someone is just like getting over any traumatic event in your life. It requires time and eventually you no longer have any fears regarding (insert traumatic event here). So, I think having no fear is a big sign that you're over someone.

 

Fear is the response to not having control over a situation. Once your program your brain that you're in control, or enough time passes and you once again feel in control - this is when you're over someone.

[angel1211]

I was involved with a girl for 8 months, in fact, i was in love with her more than my daughter's mother. I think the way you actually feel about someone plays a factor on how long it will take to recover. For me, its been exactly 3 months to the day since she broke up with me and I still think about her and still hurt, but not as bad as I was 3 months ago. I think length of time and how you spent your days together also is another factor in healing. Did you spend a lot of your time together or was it maybe 2-3 times a week?