Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 I have seen the guy I like have many female friends. He has a female friend who is constantly looking at him, giving him hugs, trying to hold his hand, touching his hair etc when talking. She is his close friends ex girlfriend and he's known her since 2018. She also keeps messaging him and inviting him to events, parties etc. I ve noticed other women also hugging him in the same way , throwing themselves at him when hugging him. He usually pats her on her shoulder and hugs her but I haven't seen them kissing. I ve seen her though, looking at him a lot. I saw them once and he saw me too. The next day when he came to me, he looked nervous and didn't say anything to me. But I noticed he kept looking at me from across the table while I ignored him. Is he hooking up with her and should I just cut ties with him? Link to comment
Jaunty Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 How do you know about what messages he's sending and receiving? Yes, you should definitely cut ties with him. From your post I don't see any ties - more like you're stalking him. So, stop doing that. 1 Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 3 minutes ago, Jaunty said: How do you know about what messages he's sending and receiving? Yes, you should definitely cut ties with him. From your post I don't see any ties - more like you're stalking him. So, stop doing that. Because she was saying she messaged him so he was moat likely going back and forth with her. Link to comment
Jaunty Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Just now, Merrilsilverste said: Because she was saying she messaged him so he was moat likely going back and forth with her. Maybe he likes her and soon they will start dating. That has nothing to do with you. You and he don't have any relationship. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 I think you're overanalyzing. They touch consensually because they feel like it. Assume his girlfriend is ok with it. Whether they are sexually interacting is none of your business whatsoever. If he looks at you you can look back or look away or walk away. Why? Because you are the person who can control what you do, what you say. You have zero control over what he does in these sorts of social situations. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 Just now, Jaunty said: Maybe he likes her and soon they will start dating. That has nothing to do with you. You and he don't have any relationship. Just now, Batya33 said: I think you're overanalyzing. They touch consensually because they feel like it. Assume his girlfriend is ok with it. Whether they are sexually interacting is none of your business whatsoever. If he looks at you you can look back or look away or walk away. Why? Because you are the person who can control what you do, what you say. You have zero control over what he does in these sorts of social situations. But why does she keep touching him? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 3 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: Because she was saying she messaged him so he was moat likely going back and forth with her. I'd stop talking about this man you're obsessing over behind his back. Otherwise you'll keep being weirdly overinvested. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 1 minute ago, Merrilsilverste said: But why does she keep touching him? Assume it's because she likes to touch him. Most people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Anything beyond that is none of your business or concern. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Is this the guy you think "likes" you because he said you look good eight months ago? Are you the one who's "touching" him or is that someone else? Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 4 minutes ago, Batya33 said: Assume it's because she likes to touch him. Most people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Anything beyond that is none of your business or concern. Or because he's sleeping with her too? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 9 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: Or because he's sleeping with her too? What I wrote above. None of your business. Some people who have intercourse touch in public. Some do not. Some people enjoy touching in public but do not desire to touch that person in a romantic or sexual way. Some do. Why? Because people are individuals. I touched my future husband's arm while I was talking to him in July 1995 at a work event. I wasn't having sex with him and in fact we'd never gone on a date. I don't remember touching him. He did. I've hugged and touched countless men in my life in public. Some I was friendly with, some I was acquainted with through work, some I was dating or wanted to date. Some hugged me first so I hugged back. Some were single, some were married, some were gay, and some were on a date or with their partners. I cannot imagine some outsider watching this going to the lengths you are going to figure out "why" two people were touching or hugging. It's really concerning. Do you understand that it's none of your business and making it your business to this extent shows that there is something a bit concerning with your stability? Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 2 hours ago, Merrilsilverste said: I have seen the guy I like have many female friends. He has a female friend who is constantly looking at him, giving him hugs, trying to hold his hand, touching his hair etc when talking. She is his close friends ex girlfriend and he's known her since 2018 Some people are 'touchy feely', they have yet to grow up and learn about respect & personal space. I am weary about guys who flaunt with numerous women- could mean either a player or uses them to stroke his ego 😕 .. yah, no thanks. Cut what ties with him? You said all he's done is look at you... Link to comment
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Sounds like he's enjoying the buffet of women that keep pawing over him. Is he sleeping with any of them? That's a good possibility. Either he already has, one and done, or given the right circumstances he would, or has them on his reserve list. And quite frankly what guy wouldn't if he has that kind of attention. His nervousness could be the vibe he's getting from you. You keep analyzing, watching him...maybe that's why he's nervous/ being creeped out. That's only my guess, I could be wrong. You can take it any way you want, we can't give you any real definitive answers because we are not there, we don't know him, nor can we see what is actually going on. If you want him that bad, just go up to him and start chatting him up. Maybe he will end up liking you. Won't know unless you try. 1 Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Sounds like he's enjoying the buffet of women that keep pawing over him. Is he sleeping with any of them? That's a good possibility. Either he already has, one and done, or given the right circumstances he would, or has them on his reserve list. And quite frankly what guy wouldn't if he has that kind of attention. His nervousness could be the vibe he's getting from you. You keep analyzing, watching him...maybe that's why he's nervous/ being creeped out. That's only my guess, I could be wrong. You can take it any way you want, we can't give you any real definitive answers because we are not there, we don't know him, nor can we see what is actually going on. If you want him that bad, just go up to him and start chatting him up. Maybe he will end up liking you. Won't know unless you try. It's not me. It's another girl he wanted to hook up with 2 years ago but she wanted a relationship and didn't pursue him for sex. He got sulky but kept her in his contacts and kept talking to her until she told him she wont talk anymore as he never replies to her and he protested saying they should meet to talk. He created a scene in front of his classmates and she got mad eventually dumping him but he didn't agree to it either and kept pestering her to talk until she gave in. He didn't add her in his contacts for 8 months though but kept talking to her in person and started telling more about his studies/work than before. Then she told him about how some people spoke badly about him and how he's with someone but he kept deflecting the question and never really answered to her if he's with someone or not. He just kept repeating it's my private life etc but wouldnt say if he was with someone. She again said they should stop talking but he refused and said he likes to chit chat with her. Now he's readded her in his contacts and thinks she looks out for him. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 5 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: It's not me. It's another girl he wanted to hook up with 2 years How do you know all this? Is this the same situation? Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: How do you know all this? Is this the same situation? Yes same Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Does he know you go through his phone? Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: Does he know you go through his phone? Yes and he fought me over it Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Just now, Merrilsilverste said: Yes and he fought me over it Why do you feel you have the right to go through his phone? Are you his wife or girlfriend? And has he handed his phone to you and given you permission to read everything on it? 2 Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: Why do you feel you have the right to go through his phone? Are you his wife or girlfriend? And has he handed his phone to you and given you permission to read everything on it? Why don't you answer first why he's persistent with this other girl when he's so touchy with this gurl? Link to comment
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 He sounds like a player to me. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: He sounds like a player to me. What about him not leaving the other woman? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 From all you've described your ways of interacting with him and your ways of monitoring what he does and his phone are very unhealthy and potentially risky/dangerous. His behavior if all you describe is accurate is sketchy and inappropriate. I'd avoid anything but essential contact. Keep your distance to avoid these risks. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 6 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: What about him not leaving the other woman? He's playing her too. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: He's playing her too. She won't be played as she's rejected him for a hook up already and dumped him once. Link to comment
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