Right to die...

[volution]

Here I am, sitting alone as usual, waiting for the miracle of a quick death to release my pining soul.

Often these last few months I have contemplated walking over the edge of this lifetime, but moreso now than ever...

All I ask is for a painless, quick, death, to free my wounded heart... yet that will never happen.

I'm trapped in a terrible place - my death would cause some of those around me great pain and suffering, and might end their lives too...

But there is nothing left for me in this life, I feel like a prisoner, a prisoner of pain, of loneliness, of depression.

I want to end my life, but I cannot...

 

We speak of a 'Right to Live' in the Western world - but what of our 'Right to Die'? No-one dares talk about this, no-one dares contemplate this most taboo of subjects (still).

I feel like a blind, paralysed, incontinent sheep dog - useless to the world, useless to myself. They put animals to sleep, to relieve their suffering... But why not humans? Why do they let those who souls burn in a freezing fire just be tormented for years on end?

Why do so many people not even realise we have a soul that doesn't just die? I just want a fresh start, in another lifetime. Perhaps I don't deserve it, the way I feel and think... I don't really care one way or another now...

 

I can't stand what I have become - empty, hollow, a miniscule fragment of my former self. I can see no joy in anything anymore, all the dreams I had have been smashed, all the hopes have been taken away, all that was 'me' has faded away, and try as I might, it isn't coming back.

 

No...no... no matter what anyone says, I'm not able to recover from this mess. All I have endured in my life has been disappointment, nothing but disappointment, fear, worry, doubt, pain, loneliness, attack...

I'm lost, without a beacon in the darkest nights of my life, I am Leander perishing in the freezing sea of loneliness. My Hero abandoned me, out of her own doubts.

 

I punch myself as hard as I can, in the hope my heart will stop beating as I lie heavily upon it in the night.

I really want to die... This lifetime has been an utter waste, and I cannot see it ever being more than more waste, and pain...

 

The loneliness is my disease... No-one to love, no-one to be loved by, no-one to wake up next to, no-one to wake up for, no-one to get up for, no-one to come home to, no-one to go to work for, no-one to share anything with, no-one to share dreams with, no-one to share love with, no-one to share hopes with, no-one to share music with, no-one to share films with, no-one to share poems with, no-one to live with, no-one to visit places with, no-one to talk with, no-one to laugh with, to cry with, to scream with, to tickle with, no-one to cuddle with, no-one to have dinner with, no-one to go to the funfair with, no-one to walk with, no-one to make a family with, no-one to grow old with, no-one to smell plants with, no-one to stargaze with, no-one to write with, no-one to sing to, no-one to listen to, no-one to kiss, no-one to hold hands with, no-one to support me, no-one to offer a shoulder, no-one to live for, no-one to die for, no-one.....

 

I *know* that no-one will ever be in my life, so all I ask is that my life be ended because I can't accept that... I can't live with being alone... I don't live by being alone - I just exist, and exist in a hell, a putrid melancholic hell...

Criminals get married, rapists have girlfriends, murderers have wives...

And yet, a gentle soul, has no-one... This world is wrong, so damn wrong... I am not wrong... I don't belong here in such a f****d-up world...

 

Help me, please, anyone, to die...

[Jetta]

I agree there is a lot wrong in this world. The fact that physical beauty is deemed more valuable that a persons spirit will never make sense to me. The only advise I have for you is the change the way you view the world. You're in a prison because you believe yourself to be a prison. You could very well be freer here than you would be anywhere. A book I highly recommend is Mind Power by John Kehoe. link removed is the website. That is the book that has helped me through some very difficult times in my life, as well as other similar books.

 

The truth is we create our our realities by the thoughts that we posses. What you believe to be true is the truth you live. And just reading this post shows me you have some very negative beliefs going on. You need to retrain your thinking and your life will benefit greatly. Yes I'm a work in progress, but it really does work.

[VinceJules]

You know, reading your post just pisses me off. Yeah, the world is messed up, we all know that. It wouldn't make the world any better if you died and it doesnt make the world any better that you're whining about it. If you are physically healthy, you should count your blessings. People around the world are starving; people are physically or mentally handicapped, and guess what, most of them still have the will to live, and they probably have it worse than you. You want a reason to live, here's one. If you can make this world a little better, even just a little bit, you should do it, volunteer work, whatever. It would be selfish of you to try and harm yourself, especially since people around you would be harmed also. Quit whining, and do something good with your life.

[starion]

i understand you in some ways.

i had a moments in my life like that.

but think about one thing:

you can always die, i mean why rush it, there will be enough time for that.

but maybe, just maybe try to get some hope that everyday may bring something.

no need to rush death, the opportunity is always there.

and one more thing, this life is ALL you have, don't be thinking about other lives or what not.

when you die it is forever and ever

[volution]

Believe me, I do think about those people like in the 3rd world countries, etc, people with disabilities, disfigurements, disadvantaged etc. And that throwing away my life would be a 'insult' to them. But I am not them, I am me. I have donated large sums of money to charity on several occasions. I don't feel pride or 'big-headed' and I don't seek approval (etc.) of others because of this.

But it is all I can do in my f****d up situation... I'm exhausted and worn-out beyond belief... I've suffered from depression for over 12 god-damn years. I didn't know it was depression, nor that it would affect me so badly, and I can't just 'snap out of it' as some ignorant people might suggest. As I have mentioned before I have tried to seek help, but it hasn't helped me one iota. I lack the will to carry on, the will to change, the will to seek the help out... I have the lowest of confidences, and (now) the most bitter of hearts...disappointment and disenchantment....

 

I'm so tired every day, I worry like crazy about every little event and thing, I worry about the past, the present and the future.

I've tried to get help, but they have failed me.

I have to work every day funnily enough, and that money is crap so I have to do other computer-related work in the evenings and in my free-time.

I have many problems, too many, I don't have the strength to overcome them.

I am a shadow of my former self, I wish I could change, but I feel every day like the point of no return has passed...

I'm a slave to the darkness, and it is gradually taking me over...

Soon all the light will be gone...

[Mikhail_Scosyrev]

Volution, several questions to you first:

 

How can we help you here?

 

I do feel that your life is very difficult.

 

What have you tried so far?

 

What do you want to have different?

 

Imagine that this night, when you are asleep, a miracle happens so that your problem is solved. But you don't know about it because you are asleep.

 

What will be first things you will notice in the morning that are different?

 

How do you cope with your pain and problems?

 

How do manage to get out of bed, work and post on this board? What makes you able to do that?

[volution]

I'm not so bad now... I've had a couple of explosions over the last 2 weeks where a lot of pain and despair has come out... Though there is still some in me... And when that's gone, the depression and inner pain will just star with a vengance all over again...

 

I'd rather not post on here what my situation is - if someone could PM me, then perhaps that would be the best idea.