So - I'm ready to get out there and meet people again but I feel out of touch

[Kenny818]

To sum up my last few years, between being in the military for mandatory service, having a job in a remote town, COVID, and a few medical issues, dating has been put on a back burner. More so for a serious relationship.

But I decided I'm not getting younger and want to get back out there.  My situation isn't ideal at the moment - been on thin ice at work the last several weeks due to office politics and might be officially unemployed very soon.  Nonetheless, I decided I actually need to start looking so I'm going to shoot my shot.

I'm back in my hometown (actually the capital city of my country), but I don't have a huge circle.  Recently I've had a few matches from apps, but either got ghosted after a while, or the few that did convert to dates were kind of duds.

Don't really drink or go to clubs, as I'm past the age for that and I don't care to stand up all night in a loud, noisy place.

In the past, I was also kind of self-conscious about who I would date.  For instance, at one point I felt uncomfortable dating women who made more than I did since I was raised to think that a man should be the provider in the relationship (sorry if that sounds sexist).  On the other hand, I didn't like to meet people I found boring and that usually entailed a minimum education level (a university degree).

I guess I would like to meet people in person, but not really sure where to go for that.

[Batya33]

My go to suggestion -volunteer backstage at a community theater or church sponsored theater group.  

other suggestions -swing or salsa dancing lessons, walking or hiking groups, check out if pickle ball is a thing where you live.

[Cherylyn]

How about MeetUps in your community?  Walking groups?  Do you have hobbies,  special interests or intellectual pursuits?  Volunteering for charities is a good way to meet empathetic types.  Are you faith based?  How about your local church?  Sports minded groups? 

Don't feel bad if women earn a higher income than yours.  It's a great big world out there.  Put yourself out there somehow because you have to start somewhere.  I would try to meet people within your locale. 

I agree with you.  Bars,  night clubs,  noisy places,  crowds,  the fast life,  etc. was never my or my husband's scene either.  We're not into drinking,  recreational drugs,  smoking,  foul language or anything out of our comfort zone. 

[Coily]

So you need to find ways of just getting out and about. It's hard when you aren't established in a social circle. Look into hobbies, even fleeting fancies that may catch your attention. If you are of a religious bent, then look into those communities.

Don't be shy about looking at local events to attend where there is a social atmosphere. Lessons and meet-up groups can be helpful, but not an end all be all. I have found I enjoy private little events at places like breweries or wineries as they tend to be more willing to talk with strangers there.

The first big hurdle is getting out and feeling comfortable about it. When you are feeling more confident in just chatting in general with strangers, then start chatting up women. Maybe you will start weeding them out.

Honestly half of dating seems to be getting yourself in a routine where you are visible to the opposite sex. The rest slowly builds.

[spinstermanquee]

Do you like to exercise?  Do yoga?  I'm always amazed at how many good-looking, health-minded women of all ages I see in yoga classes.

[smackie9]

It seems you are kinda hoping someone has a magic solution vs the usual advice that is given. Dating is difficult for most people anyways. Yes there is more access with the internet, but the volume of disappointment is evident. Everyone goes through this and is faced with the same issues as you. It is what it is. You just have to keep at it, maybe try new things like the others have suggested. Yes it takes a lot of time and energy, but you only need to meet that one person, so in the end that effort is worth it.