I can't move past the jealousy

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, jessb86a said:

We both love camping and long walks, so I'm going to organise something and stay POSITIVE! No jealous comments allowed, even in jest. 

Thanks SO much for all the time and effort you've put into your replies. It's helped immensely and I'm feeling a lot more positive! 

Of course.

I hate to see young people going through turmoil especially when it seems like it's unnecessary. I also understand what it's like to feel overwhelmingly anxious. 

I hope you can get to a place where self doubt and insecurity are in the past. 

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, jessb86a said:

Also, this is probably less about me not respecting him and more about me having trust issues with ANYONE. 

I am trying to get you to see it from his angle, Jess.

I was in his shoes once, with an ex who repeateadly questioned me about a guy I worked with. There was absolutely nothing between myself and this coworker, and we weren't even friends outside of the workplace. But my ex caught sight of him once, saw he was an objectively attractive man, and so it began. Questions about whether we'd ever hooked up (no), little passive-aggressive "jokes" here and there suggesting I had a crush (also no)

And you know what? I got sick of having my integrity questioned. I felt like he didn't trust my character at all. In turn, I found my ex less and less attractive as his own jealousy slowly killed our connection. And I eventually dumped him for it. 

I don't think you want it to come to that. But it will, if you stay focused on your own jealousy and insecurity and not all on your boyfriend's feelings. You've been quite self-absorbed about it, to be very honest. You have to try to see how this might be affecting him and his own feelings towards you. It is already having a negative effect, if he's getting irritated with your questions about her. You can turn it around but you need to do it now before it's too late and he breaks up with you. 

[spinstermanquee]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I got sick of having my integrity questioned. I felt like he didn't trust my character at all. In turn, I found my ex less and less attractive as his own jealousy slowly killed our connection. And I eventually dumped him for it.

Thank you MissCanuck for sharing.  Jess, it seems like folks (those of us non-cheaters) suffer similarly when jealousy enters a relationship.  I'm so glad you are exploring alternatives to your previous mindset.

[happy1]

5 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

Thank you MissCanuck for sharing.  Jess, it seems like folks (those of us non-cheaters) suffer similarly when jealousy enters a relationship.  I'm so glad you are exploring alternatives to your previous mindset.

Thank you so much. 

[happy1]

15 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You can turn it around but you need to do it now before it's too late and he breaks up with you. 

Thank you so much for your input. I think sharing your experience has made me realise I need to wake up and dp something about this before it's too late. Thank you. 😊 

[sislee20]

On 1/16/2023 at 3:56 AM, jessb86a said:

I've been in a relationship for almost a year now, but I just can't get past my jealousy and it's causing me some distress as it's getting worse, not better. Me and my boyfriend work together, and we work with mostly women. I am not generally jealous, but there is one co-worker, who is a also a good friend of mine, who I heavily suspect my boyfriend has liked in the past. In the  past, before we were together, I noticed he 'liked' a couple of photos of her in her bikini on holiday, I've seen him look at her for longer than is normal, he's seemed a little 'jealous' of her boyfriend when she got with him and he's always talked highly of her and chatted a lot to her. All of this was before we started dating and it never bothered me. In fact, I didn't think about it until a few months into our relationship, obviously when my feelings were getting stronger. I've started going back and thinking of all the above things I mentioned on a regular basis, convincing myself he used to like and may still have feelings. I have sat him down and talked about my feelings and he assured me he has never thought about her romantically. It reassures me for a few days and then I start getting jealous again, especially if I see him even just glancing at her at work. I saw him look towards the room she works in a couple of times and it made me almost end things, but then I wondered if I'm just being paranoid. Am I just overthinking or am I justified in my thinking? Should I be as bothered as I am?

Always and I mean always follow heart first and for most.. That being Said us as females tend to over think and build a story in our heads and overthink it until we believe What we have built in our head.. I am Speaking from Experience of overthinking. I got so bad with it I had to go see someone to get help with it, dont do that to yourself. secondly always be aware of your Surrounding and pay attention and if you see Something that isn't right you address it. Wish you the best of luck..